please go to www.jolliali.com

new website is here!!!

2008-08-26T13:37:00.004-04:00

thank you for visiting

please go to

http://www.jolliali.com/

i no longer update this blog

and have moved to

http://www.jolliali.com/

see you there

hurt people hurt people

2008-05-28T09:56:00.001-04:00

its not my fault

its not your fault

its our fault

now can we get to fixin?

the sickness inside

2008-04-22T09:07:00.003-04:00

i had a dream last night

a dream that my sister was pregnant

with his baby

when i found out

i was hurt

and angry

so i told everyone

even though i knew she didn't plan on keeping it

and i even think dude didn't know

the dream took place at a party

i ran around telling everyone she was pregnant

and by whom

i woke up angry

and hurt

everytime i think of "them"

it makes me angry and sick to my stomach

i walk around with resentment in my belly over this

towards her

she corrected me ya know

i was ranting and said something like

"spending time with him"

and she corrected me

she said something like

hes doesn't want to spend time with you

or

hes not thinking about spending time with you

or something to the effect that

he not thinking about me

i found that way too odd

like first

why'd you catch that part of the rant

and why was it then such an injustice spoken that you had to speak out

to me that will remain odd

until they admit they are together

this is what lies do

once you have hidden something from your loved ones

and your loved ones hear the logic you used to keep something from them

they can't trust your logic anymore

because your logic leaves them out in the cold

what hurts more

is the fact that he and i are no longer "friends"

but now they are

guess he got who he really wanted

thats the sickness

i don't have that "whatever makes you happy"

thing they tell us we should feel for others

folks we love

"no matter what. as long as you're happy"

i don't have that

i fight myself not to put a curse on him

i just want to distance myself from her

i have for awhile

i lost repsect for her this go round

and i don't want to live with someone i don't respect

i've always known she was selfish

and self centered

i knew that growing up

i was once a victim of hers

there were tears and everything

it was such a big deal it completely changed our relationship

over the years its gotten better

but she thinks shes perfect

you can't change perfection

why would you want to?

i hope they fuck

and they both get a disease

i know why folsk run away

some situations you can deal with

in your head

in your heart

in your soul

it takes long

and it hurts

hurts hurts hurts

but to look in the eyes of those around you

who know what happened

who have seen it go down

that foolish feeling is what will make a nigga run

i tell myself

this is what i've been waiting on

the chance to grow

the chance to change the sickness in my heart

and become a better me

i say i don't know what to do

really i mean i don't think i am strong enough

****************************

update -

she is fucking him

call it in the air

2008-03-20T14:22:00.009-04:00

i had decided to flip a coin

i like that

its my new decision making tool

i like fate

good works

quality consequences

and just

fun

in fact

i laid down last night thinking which side

would be my side

very strongly leaning towards heads

i have no affection for tails

still i was undecided

woke up planning on making a decision by afternoon

and then

flip flip

woke up late

things got pushed back

text messages went unanswered

so instead of flipping before my appointment

i'll flip after my appointment

no

no you won't flip after your appointment

there'll be no need

it will be clear after your appointment

so after i get home from said appointment

i look up my horoscope for today

Daily Overview for March 20, 2008

Virgo -

Quickie:Tidy up that messy situation -- you need to start a conversation you're dreading.

Overview:Your organizational skills are the pride of your coworkers or family and today they are put to amazingly good use. It's easy to forget how valuable the simple stuff can be until it's right in front of you

Goat -

Have you been thinking about taking that nice vacation to the mountains or beach? It may be a good time to put those plans into action today, especially if it involves flowing water like fountains and marble statues. You may have an extremely rewarding trip that will leave you thinking why you didn't do it sooner.

looked around for my moon sign and rising sign horoscope

but had no luck finding a daily reading for moon and rising

i did however find a link about friendship compatibility

Although the Fish is your astrological opposite, the two of you can form a fast friendship. Scatter-brained Pisces actually appreciates your offer to organize their files, while you're grateful when your pal praises your short stories. Sure, it's a drag when your pal shows up half an hour late to the movies. You have to admit, though, that your incessant worrying can make you a trying companion. When your friend tries your patience, remember that you'll never find a better listener. Similarly, Pisces has to admit that you've got a gift for turning their dreams into realities. Your vast differences seem positively minor when engaged in favorite activities like yoga, fishing and ice-skating.

i'm about to flip a coin

head means we're friends and i'll stop questioning it

tails means we part ways right now and hope no damage done is unrepairable

*********************************************************************

update - March 24th, 2008

so i asked him to call it

he did

tails

it flipped heads

he asked what we just flipped for

side note - thats what i like about this dude. hes up for anything

i told him

"our friendship"

he said thats unfair cuz had he known he would have called tails

i said

whatever

its over

i owed him ten bucks

i ask can i give it to him in change and dollars

of course

i came up with three dollars in change

11 quarters

when in fact i had two fives

i laughed

he laughed

it was big fun

so i said lets flip these 11

for our friendship

6-5 split

tails has it

see

fate is fate

dread

2008-03-12T11:32:00.003-04:00

so its happened

the moment i've never wanted

i'm happily single

i remember growing up thinking so harshly of this reality

how happy can you be single

with no companion

no soulmate

alone

thats all i thought about

the aloness of it all

how unfullfilled a person's life would have to be

even as a i grew up i still rejected the whole femeinist notion of being complete without a man

bitch please

but its not what i thought at all

its more suckie looking for the dude

givin your energy

losing focus

settling

then it is gettin my own personal shit together

getting my own personal shit together is kinda fun

i can see me asending

and the view is fabulous from up here

i always thought this life wasn't for me

the working

producing

education

but its what makes me a better me

i remember me as a child

and i was awful

in my own soul

not being dramatic

but my inner self was very much shit

like the bad was good to me

and i was okay with it

so okay

i thought that when i became an adult i would finally get my chance to be the awful me inside

but surprise surprise

it didn't even take to adulthood for see to dislike that me

it has however taken to adulthood for me to see the majesty in the better me

i like my glory

i like the good i have that shines out

its fabulous

i do feel like the God in me is making way

the better i get to know me

the better i get to know the God in me

and in all honesty

it kind of leaves less room for bullshit

and not that dudes are bullshit

its just that i know how i am with a man

and how i am without a man

and thats the bullshit part

me

not them

how i act

and get distracted

and unfocused

maybe when i get my shit together

and start being the God in me

i won't use men as a compensation method

interesting

thats not the case now

right now

this chic right here

is more about her business than not

big fun

2008-02-23T00:54:00.006-05:00

i thought i was over it but i'm not

i hate hearing them have contact

i hate knowing they talk

i hate that its so open

like its

all good

like its

whatever

i had a dream he raped me

and i was conflicted over it

not the rape part

i was pretty solid on that part

but the whole him thinking of me in that regard

?

i was disgused

made my face turn up

like

bitch please

then i'd really be the sucker

i already feel like the sucker when folks asked how'd that end up

you know

whatever happened to dude

i already feel like the sucker when i hear how you talk to her

like you talk to me

almost like you talk to everyone

i noticed something the other day

you don't want me to be special

i thought it was more like you couldn't see my dopeness

but no

you disagree

you don't want the light to just be shinin from me

it has to be the sun's reflection

not my inner glow

and

you object when others see my glory

outloud

"thats just cuz she was raised up north. thats how northerns think"

naw bitch its me

i'm special

makes me shake my head

rethink this whole friendship thing

like

whats it based on

?

good question

they say you already know the answer when you ask the question

what is our friendship based on

on my part

selfishness

you know how your feelings have already been hurt

if you get stabbed and take the knife out then put it back exactly where it came out

it doesn't hurt as much the second time

even less the sixth

so ain't no love lost when its really over

love was lost before it began

on his part

i don't know

if i'm brave enough to ask

i'll be brave enough to hear the answer

then again

if i can ask

i already know the answer

if thats the case

every question i have

i already have the answer

i think

sometimes

i have the wrong answer

or

am i askin the wrong questions

niggas (r.i.p.)

2008-02-22T22:21:00.005-05:00

i was cordial at first

"yeah. its not gonna work out"

"you just want different things than i do"

"you shouldn't have to hold back who you are so i don't get pissed"

"i wished things would have worked out"

then he went too far

"i wanna work things out"

"if i didn't care i wouldn't be even talking to you right now"

"i don't understand what you want from me"

"fuck you."

"don't call me"

"don't myspace me"

and this is the 'too far' part

"don't even think about me"

what nigga?

now i can respect you asking me

even telling me

not to call you

not to myspace you

but who in the eff you see kay do you think you are to tell me what to think!

motherfucka

you done done the wrong thing now

"what?

don't think about you?

nigga who you think you are?

i'll fucking think about you anytime i want!

i'll think about you when i masterbate nigga

i'll think about you when the next dude is givin me head

i'll think about you as another nigga is first putting it in

i'll fucking call out your name by mistake when he's makin me cum

fuck you"

don't think about you

i am the owner of my fucking thoughts bitch

i'll tell me when i'll stop thinking about you

cuz thats what i do

control my thoughts

control my actions

and thats

what you

don't do

mansoar stlye

2008-02-17T11:55:00.002-05:00

i never really had a dude friend...

this is all so new

i never really had a dude friend treat me better than niggas do

i mean i have dude friends

thats what i'm known for

but most of those conversations now go "yes, yeah, okay, sure."

i'm not going to de-value them

i'm not even gonna start

but sometimes relationsionships after time will often lose their spark

its a new time in my life

things are different

intentionally they're not the same

what i used to do

what i now do

lessons not in vain

friends i had, friends i have, friends i soon hope to get

its a brand new time

a brand new intention

i've got better confidence

i meet folks by faith

they're not what i expect

totally what i need

at first glance

he is a chance

judge him by his deeds

this dude is attenetive

on his own

i haven't yet had to beg

his best feature is realiability

his worst

timeliness

i take that back

i spoke too soon

an issue of mine i'd have to admit

but his best feature is by far

his open heartedness (sp)

i'm so negative

i'm so raw

he takes it all in stride

its almost abusive how i act

and yet he takes it all in stride

i ask him all the time

like every other day

do you hate me?

and he says "no

i already knew that you were that way"

its true

he really knows

i'm an asshole at heart

just like me

he looks past it

and thats where our conversations start

it makes me laugh

how he laughs

at how much i can be a jerk

it inspires me

and motivates me

at how much he puts in work

he is my sign

to my new life

the flipping of the lucks

and to this date

that i know

the only non illustrated man to used "shucks"

i tip my hat to me

and yeah

to us

i tip my hat to our kind

its fun to know

and fun to learn

who is my reason season or lifetime.

james dean

2008-02-12T12:03:00.000-05:00

i am plannin on watching some james dean movies.

have been really enjoying watching classics

or just old movies

from like the 30s and 40s

and not just Black movies

however

i do plan on becoming a beast when it comes to Black cinema

but watching white movies is always fun

i remember my complete shock after seeing gone with the wind

scarlett was a horrible person

and she was the star

and it felt like they knew she sucked

recently watch mr. and mrs. smith

the one from the 40s

it was cool.

funny.

i liked it.

i haven't seen the new one

i couldn't

i was in too much denial about brad and jennifer not being together

in fact i still can't believe it

i know

get over it

its white people's lives

its not real

thats why i liek watching white movies

there is no attachment

or relativity

not for me at least

dear kali sumiyah blue ramsess

2008-02-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

dear Kali Sumiyah Blue Ramsess

this is your God Mother, qadriyyah

or sister qadriyyah

or auntie qadriyyah

or God Mommy :)

which ever we agree to

or whatever else we come up with.

i'd like to tell you what i know about your birth

your loving Mother and my friend called me at 8:10a on feb 8th, 2008. everyday before that i'd wake up in a panic thinking i missed THE call. i was sure your Mother's story of me would be she called and called and i never answered. and that would be the end of me. but, i did answer and within 20 minutes was at the house. your Father had a court date to attend to. chyna told me she had been contracting since 1a. they were steady and regular. meaning they would come about three minutes apart and contract for about two and a half minutes. about five or six of those then a long break. we watched no country for old men. a movie your Father very much enjoyed and suggested to others, thats how we came to watch it. we walked around. we even went to juma juma :) she didn't like the food she ordered from the Muslims who sold food after juma. i, on the other hand, very much enjoyed my choice. i enjoyed it twice. after an all day event at the house and when the contractions began to come at one and a half minutes consistently we got your Mother to go to the hospital. arrived at emory crawford long at around midnight. i estimated she was 3 cm. boy was that a crazy estimation. she was barely 1 cm when we got to the hospital. and then her water broke. that was around 3 or so. the hospital would only allow one person back with her until she was admitted. so i was waiting in the waiting room while your Mom and Dad were being triaged and admitted. your GrandMother and Auntie Tiyah came thru after your Mom's water broke cuz your Dad called and told them whats what. finally she got a room. i say finally cuz you have to remember your Mom had been contracting since 1a feb 8th. when she got in the room she was so tired from all this laboring she got a pain killer. what a relief. she was sleeping thru contractions and it was beautiful. you could tell her body needed some rest. your Dad was attentive and supportive. both were very excited about your arrival. include me in that group as well. since only three folks were allowed in the room with her i went home and took a shower and a bit of a nap but not really cuz i was concerned you would arrive and i wouldn't be there. so from 5 to 9 i picked up my sister from work, went home, took a shower, a "nap" then got back to the hospital. not much had changed. your GrandMother had dipped. then your Aunt. not much was happening with your progress. so at that point it was just a waiting game. then the nurse came in with a plan. your Mother's blood pressure was what they considered high. so they wanted to give her magnesium and some potocin to induce labor. but we were concerned becuz her cervix wasn't ready so the potocin would just give her contractions with nowhere for you to go. and then the doctor would say those magic words "c-section" and it'd be all over. but boo hoo for that outcome. so we prayed that Allah would Will you to be born vaginally and that His Will be done. we prayed that Allah would Will you to be born healthy and that your Mother would be perfectly fine afterwards and that His Will be done. being born is no small thing. not at all. it takes concern and care and patience and strength. your Mother, i have to say, in my eyes handled herself like a champ. you could tell the contractions were a surprisingly painful feeling. she would brace herself and get through them. she'd forget to breathe but then again who wouldn't? your Great GrandMother came and was there when the results of two doses of potocin kicked in. the contractions were back to back with little break in between. your Moms asked for another pain killer but was told she shouldn't have another one of that kind. after hearing that, your Mother was like---i'm straight. i wanna go home. i'm done. of course that wasn't an option. and your father clued her in on that. so she took her next option. according to the doctors and the nurses it was a good thing she opted for the cesarean birth. they say the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck. unfortunately form this point on word coming from me is mostly hearsay. around six o'clock the day of your birth i step outside to get some fresh air, and it hit me. i was tired. i knew i was tired because when i got outside it was such a beautiful day. a surprisingly beautiful day. warm, sunny, windy, crisp. i sat down and before i knew it i was asleep in front of the hospital on the lawn. so, i went home and went to bed. your Mom texted me two hours after you were born the news. 9lbs 2oz and 19inches. kali sumaiyah blue ramsess. when i got to the hospital you were in the nursery with your Dad and your Mom was cursing the nurse for not saving the placenta. i have to say all in all i was pretty proud of your Mother. she only cursed one doctor out and said one funky thing to your Dad. thats it. and as soon as she said the funkiness to your Dad she apologized for it. but with all the champion behavior of your Mom i have to give MVP to your Dad. taraja seemed to be a little too calm in the beginning of the labor. and apparently that was a smooth move. because he was there the whole time being supportive, being thoughtful, being on top of things. the words don't express how valuable his presence was. esp after you were born. he held you directly after your birth and stayed with you when they took you to the nursery. he told the nurses and/or doctors something that ended up getting you moved from the nursery to where you belonged. in the room with your family. (they said you had low blood sugar and needed to be monitored in the nursery. you were there from like the night to the afternoon the following day. your Mother will remember better) he changed you and washed you and adored you. he was very proud to be your Father. it was so touching to see your Dad change you then swaddle you up and put you back to sleep. your Mother and i attempted to put your car seat in the car but it just didn't seem right. your Father went to the fire station and had them put it in. now yes, he didn't come up with this idea himself. but that is so not the point. now i wasn't there the whole time you were in the hospital but i heard you had quite a few visitors. by now you know you were born on your GrandFather's birthday. so he was in attendance. and your GrandMother, both of them. you'll have to talk to your folks for the official list. some people were left out of this story on purpose. you'll have to talk to your parents for the official story. this is my story to you about your birth. kali. your birth was very exciting for me. when your Mother told me she was pregnant i was...against popular thoughts, very happy for them. there are things in life that you can never experience saved being a parent. your Mother and Father were now at the stage in their lives where your presence would maximize who they are and have them "show improve." seeing you laying in the nursery was like a glimpse into joy. why would i be so happy and so excited about a child's life when she is not my own? thats how i know you are special to me. i think about you. separate from thinking about your Mother. i think about kali. i hope our story together is a long story. i hope that we share a personal love, just you and i. family is very important. and friends are the family you choose.

your honored God Mother,
qadriyyah ali

marvin gaye

2008-02-07T22:59:00.000-05:00

i don't care too much for sexual healing

or

lets get it on

it is just me

2008-01-31T10:30:00.000-05:00

see

i thought it was some kind of mistake

some kind of personal issue they were working out

that meant i was outta the loop

but no

she actally felt like it wasn't my business

i wanna effing scream

"i can't stand your stupid ass

you fucking selfish, ass backwards little shit"

my sisters both think it wasn't my business

that dude liked my sister

when i was crushin on dude.

so, its just me that thinks that.

my sister also thinks

two people being divorced is private business

even when one person from that union got re-married!

is it still private after someone gets re-married???

sometimes

some

times

i just wanna open up people's fucking brains

and see what they got going on

i know that i have shit goin on with me

which is why i'm not above thinking

its me

its me who was wrong for thinking my sisters

who always get on me for not sharing actual personal shit with them

can look me in my face

and tell me

"thats not your business"

when i use that reasoning

its like

no

you should share with us

you shouldn't feel like you can't tell us stuff

bullshit

thats one problem about opening up

once you've done so

you see how closed you were

and how closed others are

and sometimes

some

times

it can cause a person to be

fucking frustrated

i'm moving all my myspace blog posts over to here

2008-01-30T10:28:00.000-05:00

November 16, 2004 - Tuesday
ODB

I'm real sorry to hear that ODB died. I was so hoping that the "game" wouldn't get to him like that, but, alas, it has. Well, you know what they say..."Money don't change you"
*********

December 8, 2004 - Wednesday
God's Son
Current mood: quixotic

I think about the things that go on in my life and many times over I come to the same conclusion...I must be meant for greatness. To witness Nas last night, with such sincerity and humility and professionalism, was outstanding. He commanded the entire stand, just him. He did his thing and did it well. He was truly feelin himself. Every track was like he was performing it for the first time. His energy level was exactly where it needed to be. Nas has just gained himself a reinstated fan.
*********

March 20, 2006 - Monday
Time after time
Current mood: quixotic

Its been along time, I shouldn't have left you...without a dope beat to step to (step to, step to, step to)
*********

March 20, 2006 - Monday
Gas Prices
Current mood: quixotic

I have an idea for a short film. Two masked gun men hold up a gas station. They force the gas station attendant to change the price at the pump to one cent per gallon. They hold him hostage all day while people fill their tanks as they pose as the attendant. At the end of the day they let the attendant go.
*********
March 24, 2006 - Friday
The fucked up thing is that
Current mood: quixotic Category: Life

no one cares. and thats the exact reason they can treat you like shit and give no answers to your questions and fucking WASTE hours of your time just waiting to hear how you can wait some more in the upcoming months. I have been on food stamps in Boston, Tallahassee, Conyers and let me tell you fucking Fulton County is by far, by far, the worst. I have cried in the waiting area of Fulton County dfcs twice. Like, I need a tissue son don't look at me, crying. And its is never, ever, ever my fault. My case worker has not returned my phone calls in two months and when I went up and waited with no appointment to see her she threatened to walk away if I ask her about why she didnt call me back. And the best fucking part is that her voicemail was full for two weeks straight. I hate them all. All of them. I hate them so much that its good I dont know their first names. I peer into their eyes and they really don't care. You not a person to these fuckers. You not even a concern. I cannot wait for the day when I can repeat the words I so love..."Yes I killed them. And I hope they burn in Hell!"
*********

April 3, 2006 - Monday
Tagged - thanks Kiana :)
Current mood: quixotic

Six weird things about myself
1. I'm allergic to water. Not really but I hate to drink it. I've had about 20 glasses since fourth grade.
2. I married and divorced the same man three times.
3. I think no one should have anymore children until all the children without parents are adopted.
4. I don't know how to wash dishes properly. Never fails, "Is this supposed to be clean?"
5. I truely believe white people are either aliens or clones of Black people gone wrong.
6. I hate R.Kelly and refuse to even hear his shit on the radio. (It sucks that Im weird for this)
**********

April 5, 2006 - Wednesday
Makes we wanna holla...
Current mood: quixotic

When did Martin Luther King Jr. become the icon for justice everywhere? And why? What did he do that was so grand that he will forever be thought of as "Justice"? I really do want an answer to that. I get so sick of seeing him everywhere and hearing about him all the time. Im not downplaying his accomplishments but then again I am. I think its the (I know, this again) government's thumbs up attitude about his participation in the civil rights movement that has him immortalized. There are so many others that deserve to have their face on a bumper sticker next to the words "justice for all". I know Im in Atlanta and the King Center is here and there is so much history here regarding MLK Jr and the civil rights movement but still. I heard a lot about him when I lived in Boston and thats Malcolm X territory. Makes me wanna holla and throw up both my hands. But I won't cuz thats what MLK Jr would suggest. Okay thats harsh, but its annoying. It disrespects all of our Freedom Fighters to continue to regard MLK Jr so much just because his stance was embraced by white Americans as well as politicians and policymakers. Its as if we are re-writing history each year when Feb. comes around and we salute MLK Jr 1000 times more than any other historical Black figure. We need to level the playing field. There were successful rebellions and revolts. The March on Washington wasn't the only noteworthy event we should be recalling. For me he has become "One whose name we do not mention"
*********

April 10, 2006 - Monday
I don't even know
Current mood: quixotic

I think its the ignorance of the gay community that really gets me pissed. Why they act so surprised that the Federal government doesn't support gay marriage? Who of the peoples does it support? Like why they think they are different? We have Black people in the government and we still don't get supported. Now I know how white people feel when they be like 'shut up about slavery and shut up about reparations.' I feel that. No one cares. Don't you get it? Its like as illogical as when you beat your child and they turn around and hug you so hard. Then they ask you to pick them up. You just beat them! The government is not yo Momma. It damn sure ain't yo Daddy.
**********

April 12, 2006 - Wednesday
Earth people
Current mood: quixotic

When we don't realize the distractions and ploys against us, thats when we really go down the wrong path. Since when did Blacks and Mexicans have beef? Never. Once again the government has found a way to successfully divide the people. I grew up in a mixed school, Blacks and Hispanics. Never had a problem with the Latino community.Why would I? The reasons I'm hearing could be said about other Blacks. They're taking jobs I want but can't get cuz they'll work for less money. They're here illegally. They don't pay taxes. They're sending money out the country to help back home. I still can't see why some Black people even care about these issues? Since when do we just have to have everything on the up and up? They're here illegally. You too! remember? they don't pay taxes. Great! Wish I didn't have to. And sending money home. Come on. Do you really care that Maria sends money home to feed and cloth her whole family with the money she could have spent on car insurance if she was legal? It sounds to me like we are adopting issues that aren't really ours in the first place. Thus, the importance of remembering that we are Black people. Our lives are different because our purpose is different. Our journey is different and thats nothing to be ashamed of.
They have most of the same issues and same injustices against us. In fact, Blacks have politians in office and so do Latinos (sp). I bet if we worked on the issues we have in common we'd get a lot done. Especially in our communities. This immagration protest is in just enough time for us as Blacks to see how its done. So that when we need to protest our voting rights being done away with, we'll be out there in record numbers.
I just got a little more clarity about the whole voting rights done away with thing. Black's voting rights expire in 2007? If you find different information please let me know.
*********

April 15, 2006 - Saturday
quixotic
Current mood: quixotic

I pick quixotic cuz its the only mood that starts with a 'q'. Turns out it actually describes me.
adjective

Definitions:

1. excessively romantic: tending to take a romanticized view of life
2. impractical: motivated by an idealism that overlooks practical considerations
3. impulsive: tending to act on impulses
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April 17, 2006 - Monday
Bees with shadows like birds
Current mood: quixotic

Its def bee mating season. In fact thats the excuse I use with children to get them to ignore the bees. "They not worried about you. If you aint another bee they could care less about you." A bumble bee flew right up to my window. Scared the shit outta me. And then flew off. I wasn't a bee. So it couldn't care less
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April 20, 2006 - Thursday
Coons
Current mood: quixotic

I wonder why thats hasn't come back in style. I was watching this documentary "The N Word" and it seems to me that...like the word bitch we have tried to turn a negative into a positive. But not really positive more like common. And like the word bitch I just don't understand. I know I say nigga cuz I love the way the word feels in my head and when I say it. Same thing with bitch. I have heard nigga and bitch said in extremely funny ways that I sometimes laugh to myself thinking about it. But is that reason enough to attempt to change the root of the word altogether? I've heard a lot of reasons to change the meaning of nigga and for that matter bitch. But none of them seem reasonable or logical. And some people think that we can't change the meaning just by using differently. But there was a time when cowboy only meant a Black rancher. (the white ones were called cattlemen) The more the term got used by Blacks, referring to one another and using the term outside of its primary use location, the less the term meant Black rancher and the more it just meant rancher. Also, the more the term got used in reference to Black ranchers the more the term got associated with being an outlaw. Cuz we all know the origianl Cowboys were Black rebels. Anyway. I just wonder why we love this word (nigga)so much that we have to change its meaning just so we can use it whenever we want. And..."if it isn't love , why does it hurt so bad? Make me feel so sad, inside..."
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April 28, 2006 - Friday
like a ...
Current mood: quixotic

I didn't do something that I wasn't supposed to do. I should be really proud of myself but Im sad cause I really wanted to do it. And the font choices on myspace stink. Plus you cant upload music from your computer to your own page.

Waa waa. boo hoo hoo. *pout * pout*
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May 3, 2006 - Wednesday
Iman
Current mood: quixotic

I had a dream last night about you. Its was so comforting. I can't remember all of it but my Dad was there too. And you were so understanding and ... gentle. You held my hand, like a friend. And you listened to me and we talked and sat. It made me think about you. And calling you. I don't know what to say really. I know I miss you. but beyond that I don't know what. I think about you but not in a positive way. So this drream kinda threw me. I wanna call but what would I say. Im still very hurt by what you did. It may just be me being over sensitive but still. I think about your new life and all the new things that are happening with you and that will soon be happening with you. I think about these things but I dont know for real whats good with you. Hearing your voice that one time was surreal. I dont know if it was good to hear you or if it wasnt but Im glad I did hear you. I always complain about how come Dad doesnt help me out and show me what to do. Ima call I just dont know what to say when I do.
Im so tired and sad and run ragged. I feel like the days ahead are long. I know Ima make it but do I want to like this?
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May 6, 2006 - Saturday
Chickenheads
Current mood: quixotic

I saw this beautiful rooster named Stewart in this woman's yard around my job. God he is beautiful! So beautiful that I decided that I wanted to own one. Well, him but he already belonged to somebody. I visit him atleast three times a week though. So my niece's birthday was yesterday and I gave her two baby chicks and bought three for myself. I love my new baby chicks!!! They are only one week old. I cant get a rooster cuz he makes big noise, but chickens don't.
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May 15, 2006 - Monday
Shoney's Part 3
Current mood: quixotic

I saw this lady smoking a cigarette in front of Shoney's on Mother's Day. A Mom, Dad and son came out and the lady hid the square behind her back, still lit. The Dad, walking by her, said "I saw that." Um, correct me if I'm wrong but I didn't think she was hiding it for his sake.
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May 15, 2006 - Monday
Yard birds
Current mood: quixotic

Okay, the chicks are getting huge. For real. They started fighting so I separated them til I could get a bigger box. How about the one I put by herself like jumped/flew out the tote she was in. So during the night I keep them together and during the day I have em two and one. I can't wait until they are in the yard.
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May 22, 2006 - Monday

The Griesly Wife
Current mood: quixotic

"Lie still, my newly married wife,
Lie easy as you can.
You're young and ill accustomed yet
To sleeping with a man.

The snow lay thick,
the moon was full
And shone across the floor.
The young wife went with never a word
Barefooted to the door.

He up and followed sure and fast,
The moon shone clear and white.
But before his coat was on his back
His wife was out of sight.

He trod the trail wherever it turned
By many a mound and scree,
And still the barefoot track led on
And an angry man was he.

He followed fast, he followed slow,
And still he called her name,
But only the dingoes of the hills
Yowled back at him again.

His hair stood up along his neck,
His angry mind was gone,
For the track of the two bare feet gave out
And a four-feet track went on.

Her nightgown lay upon the snow
As it might upon the sheet,
But the track that led on from where it lay
Was never of human feet.

His heart turned over in his chest,
He looked from side to side,
And he thought more of his gumwood fire
Than he did of his griesly bride.

And first he started walking back
And then began to run
And his quarry wheeled at the end of her track
And hunted him in turn.

Oh, long the fire may burn for him
And open stand the door,
And long the bed may wait empty:
He'll not be back any more."

~John Manifold (J.S. Manifold)
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May 22, 2006 - Monday
Aisha Marsh
Current mood: quixotic

first of all, don't you think its weird that on job applications they ask you about your grammer school? Grammer school, why? Is that record really going to be taken into account?
I lived on Juniper Street. She lived across the street on Rockledge. Denise and Mercades lived in between. There were huge rock formations on her street that we would hang out on and smoke squares that she stole from her grandmother. We'd ride our bikes down to J&D's corner store. Shot the shit at the park with the rest of the neighborhood. We had a little beef with Lala and her crew, but nothing big. ( My sister picked Yolanda up, spun her on her head and threw her across the grass.) I had to hide in her closet when her grandmother came home until she went in her room and started drinking. What fun!
She was my best friend - Aisha Marsh.

Then, because of our unstable homelives I moved to North Carolina and she moved to California. :( big time. When I moved back she was nowhere to be found. I have always thought about her and whats going on with her. Even with the internet I can't find her. So if any of you know a girl about 26 years old, Black of course, that grew up in Boston ... let her know her best friend, whos bike's name was Bossy, is looking for her.

Im also looking for a dude named Lamar.
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May 27, 2006 - Saturday
three
Current mood: quixotic

I have three things to write about but I can't concentrate until I brush my teeth and I don't feel like brushing my teeth right now but I really wanna write this blog so I guess I'll have to brush my freaking teeth.
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May 27, 2006 - Saturday
Three pt 1
Current mood: quixotic
Lenny's

not this past Tuesday but the Tuesday before this last Tuesday Krystal invited me to go with her to Lenny's. They were having a comedy night and it was free and she assured me it would be good fun. She was absolutely right. I was so inspired by the comics' raw, honest performance that I just had to be apart of it. So, I talked to the host, Sidney, and asked him how can I be down. Actually I said "how does one get to be on the line up" and he said "why you wanna get up there? I know you'll be funny, just come back next Tuesday." We're off to a good start. I call my friend Mia since she knows about this kind of thing and get great advice from her. I write up my routine and go over it all week. I am up til like 4a just going over it in my head and out loud and in my head and out loud. I wanna practice in front of Krystal and Mujihad but I can't get up the nerve. My sister gets back in town from South Africa and I do it in front of her. Its not funny. Oh, by this time its Tuesday. So I have to write up a new routine. Oh God! Oh God. I've been on stage since the third grade ( I still have the pictures) so Im used to being on stage. I'm just not used to consistently aiming for the same response from the entire audience, laughter. It felt great being back on stage from such a long absence. I wanted to just play with the mic. And I did. But after that I got down to business and then got the hell off the stage. It was unsettling and unfamiliar yet comfortable. I don't get it, I have so much to say and I want people to hear it but I guess I don't want it to be funny. Like Dick Gregory. You know they bill him as a comedian when he gets booked for speaking engagements? He's a political activist! I keep telling myself...

In all things Allah works for good.
Find the balance
Have faith
Leave your mark on society
Overcome low self esteem
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May 27, 2006 - Saturday
Three pt 2
Current mood: quixotic

Welcome All Park -

7/8 Yankees baseball team

At 6:15p I drop my daughter off for her game that starts at 6:30p. I go back up to the park around 8:15p, 15 minutes before the game ends. They lost 10-4. Shes walking over to me all sad faced. She tells me that BEFORE the game started she got hit in the chest by a baseball and she "fell asleep but not really." She told me she didn't play the whole game. Note Im saying that she told me all this because none of the adults in this scenario said anything to me. Not one person has called to see hows she doing nor have they called to tell me what happened. I hate living in this society where I would be wrong for beat the shit out of each one of those fuckers. I hate how I have to swallow my sadness and anger and disappointment and frustration and resentment. I already knew they had problems with. Thats nothing new. People don't like it when you have something to say that doesn't go with their flow. People would rather you just complain to each other and not to anyone that can actually do anything. People don't like new things. No matter how stupid and insane the old thing is they still don't want something new. My baby has a bruise on her chest. She says it still hurts. Fuckers. I wanna press charges for neglect or something. They should have taken her to the hospital or called me or something. But they didn't. They didn't even have the fucking courtesy to tell me what happened to my baby girl. This was the first game I missed.
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May 28, 2006 - Sunday
Tupac haters?
Current mood: quixotic

I never even knew such a thing existed. I now know a girl that, not only doesn't like 2pac but, hates him! There was this other dude in the room that didn't like him either. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE????

Im no fan of Biggie, but I don't hate him. Just cuz so many folks love him. If he means that much to them then okay I can stand him. I never liked Biggie. I just didn't. But to hate 2pac, that just doesn't make any sense.

And it wasn't even like they hate him cuz they love Biggie. NO. They just hate 2pac.

I keep telling myself...

You learn something new every day
Forgive them God, for they know not what they do.
As for me and my family, we will worship the Lord.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Even their conditioning is conditioned
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May 28, 2006 - Sunday
V for Victory
Current mood: quixotic

Its like I can never be myself and be understood/accepted. Im not the person people think I am. Im def not the person people want me to be. Im not that good. Im not that smart. Im not that brave. Im not that strong. Im not that chick. The way I think and feel and yern, nobody would approve. Nobody I respect. Nobody I know. Nobody I love. I used to want to be that person, for everyone else. Honestly it was easier than disappointing em. But, I look at my life and this is not what I want for myself. What I want no one wants for me. And thats the shittiest part of all. Cuz they can't be happy for me when things start flowing downstream. They look at me with disappointment and disgust and wonder. They shake their heads and think their thoughts and feel sorry for me. And it makes me hold back. It makes me hold onto my joy and smiles. It makes me want to be me even more. "Its not what Dad would have wanted" Shit. I disappointed him the most. Its so hard being a disappointment. Especially when Im just being myself. Everyone can't always take the high road. We can't always do whats best. But we can do whats right. Im crying more and more these days because I see whats ahead of me. I know the more comfortable I become with being who I want me to be, the more the relationships I have worked so hard to build and maintain will come undone. I love the people in my life. Im extremely happy to have them. But they dont know the real me. When he peaks out they scare him away. Since childhood. And I keep telling them, Im not that strong. Im not that smart. Im not that respectful. Im not that honest. Im not that bold. They want it more for me than I want it for myself. I used to think that being a better person was the right way to go. But it hurts too much inside to have to force something thats not already there. I have made a lot of changes that I am proud of. But thats it. Thats enough. Im done. I got so much shit in my heart that I don't know the words for. The choices I've made are done. Can't go back. Just gotta live with em. That goes for the future too.
V for Vendetta is an excellent movie. Everyone should see it and then act on it.
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June 22, 2006 - Thursday
I'd be in Magneto's crew
Current mood: quixotic

How am I gonna ask folks to subscribe and then stop writing?
Went downstairs to let the chicks in. Only two came running. Almost walked right into this big ass spider web looking for her. Couldn't find her. Cried. Woke up the next morning, went looking for her again. Found her in the back neighbors yard. Got my toe bit by their little dog when I went to go get her. Her sisters were very happy to see her again.
Working a new full time job so I have to drive 96 miles everyday. Started going 55 an hour to save money, not gas. I need money more than I need gas. All other drivers hate me. When I see traffic coming I either jump into the carpool lane or the breakdown lane and ride it out. That makes them hate me even more.
Got a bit of heat exhaustion at work. Had to lie down for three hours. Felt a smidge better. On the drive home it came back. Been out of work two days bacause of it. All those years of never drinking water has caught up with me.
I need to call my Aunt and stop being a punk.
Downstairs is not as cool as I thought. Me thinks me no like living in dark hole. Who'da thunk it? My sister.
I miss my brother. I don't know why. I always liked the idea of having a brother but never the reality. I wish he would let go and let God. Speaking of brothers, Nicole Renee, does your brother need more people to write to him?
I'm taking up skeet shooting. You know why. Im so tired of people trying to convince me to give white people a fair chance. What is wrong with you all? What good comes from having white friends? I mean really? Other that this whole we are the world bullshit ...and how do they help my soul, my people, my struggles. They don't. They divide. If I had white friends I would have to make so so so many changes to my life and mind and...for what? So I can say I am open minded? HAHAHAHA. You really don't know how much that makes me laugh. No really. Look, we have to make sacrifices. PERIOD. There have been three white guys in my life that really thought they had a shot with me. And they forced it, so I told them. I don't date white guys. And when it comes down to it I will shot their asses with a hollow tip along with the rest of them. It may sound harsh but sometimes I think we forget where this road leads. I keep hearing talk of revolution but no one wants to talk about killing. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THE REVOLUTION IS AGAINST??? And don't say the government. You can't be that silly. Who makes up the government. I just think people are sissasses for the most part. We let shit go down and do what? We make up excuses for why we can't kill them. Why? Even by God's Law we are justified. People wanna learn what they want from history and ignore other parts. But I will tell you this, Hitler had clarity and conviction. He had a masterplan. It really is just that simple. I hate pansies. Punks. Cowards. Lames. What happened to us being the caretakers of the Earth? What do you think that means? If we kill someone that we shouldn't have, let God take care of them. And God will take care of us. He already said so. And I believe Him. I thought writing would help get the frustration out. I was wrong.
King Kong. boo hiss hiss boo.
Are we not allowed to swear on myspace? I keep seeing 'sht' and stuff like that.
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June 22, 2006 - Thursday
Friend's Space
Current mood: quixotic

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown - They are the sole reason I want to get remarried. And that's the truth.

T.I. - I like what I see when the power button is on and off. Like all artists you have to drown out the trash but with this young sir I find I do that less. "Though she may have been a tad misguided. All she needs is a little affection, alotta direction and a n*gga with a constant erection."

Donnie - He created the theme song to my soul "Welcome to the colored section...welcome to the Negro league. Sign your name on the Black list and know this its American history..."

NASir - he's God's son

Talid Kweli - This is going to sound real shitty but hes just there cause I can't find Mos Def on myspace. I mean I could never get into Talib just cuz of his voice. No other reason. I like what he has to say and I think he is an amazing MC, just can't listen to his voice.

Lauryn Hill-Marley - post and pre Fugees. Her albums speak volumes by themselves. Got through a tough time with just Lauryn. Extened some good times because of Lauryn.

Rev Run - two words...My Adidas

SisterO - my sister

Jules - my niece, I love you baby girl. When I say mean things to you, that's why.

Evoled - my cousin

SugaPop - my cousin's daughter

Sweetcheeks - my sister's sister whom I've met

NVUS number 1 fan - my sister's sister whom I've never met.

Krystal - my friend

Angela - I only know her on myspace but Im glad I ran into her. She has helped me out with questions about this deen and thats just great. Congratulations on getting married! Im so excited for you that I am going to put you in my prayers until your wedding date. After that, youre on your own :) Well, you'll always have Allah.
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August 1, 2006 - Tuesday
:(
Current mood: quixotic

computer got virus.
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October 4, 2006 - Wednesday
update
Current mood: quixotic

so, we bought the chickens May 5th. three. they were only a week old. they start layin eggs near christmas. got careless one night and now we are down to two. Black and Green. RIP Red. Black was always a little bigger. now we know why. she's laying now! she's laying now! Green is still just clucking around. that hussie is an abstinent chic. collect one egg a day baby. thats real independent living right there. got them a cage to sleep in at night. not real sure about the laying patterns of chickens but i'ma have to figure something out. she's dropping them everywhere. some get cracked. waste :(
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October 4, 2006 - Wednesday
from turtle to bees
Current mood: quixotic

I was driving, almost home, with my arm hanging out the window. A bee hit my arm and landed in the passenger seat. Dude was seriously disoriented. This is not the first bee encounter I have had. So I looked in "Animal Speak."

KEYNOTE : Fertlility and the Honey of Life

"Bees have been mythical symbols throughout the world...the god of love...royalty...hidden wisdom...sexuality and fertility...accomplishing the impossible..."

"If a bee has shown up in your life, examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you taking time to savor the honey of your endeavors or are you being a workaholic? Are you attempting to do too much? Are you keeping your desires in check so they can be more productive?"

As much as I would like to put all that spritiual crap off to the side it just keeps hitting me in my face. (or arm.) i was asking myself these very questions. kind of. like i wasn't really that commited to answering them. my problem is that i am weak. and i know i am weak. and on top of that i don't want to exert the strenght to overcome my weaknesses. so i give into them, happily. which is why i cannot live to be happy. i have to work on living to serve God. even saying that sounds like something i'll never actually work to accomplish. so i have to dumb it down to living to do the right thing. once i can start doing the right thing living to serve God will be a short walk.

"him" [4:04 P.M.]: Asalaamu alaikum

me[4:04 P.M.]: wa a lakium as salaam :)

"him" [4:05 P.M.]: How are you?

me[4:15 P.M.]: i heard an interview with Monica and she said, today is not yesterday.

"him" [4:16 P.M.]: What?

me[4:17 P.M.]: you know. the things we do yesterday happened yesterday. we don't have to hold on to those actions and bring them into today. today we can choose something else

"him" [4:22 P.M.]: Ok

me[4:22 P.M.]: how are you?

me[4:42 P.M.]: i have to remember you do drive-by salaams

"him" [4:47 P.M.]: I was in slas

me[4:47 P.M.]: slas?

me[4:47 P.M.]: class?

yeah. so i'ma work on to-day everyday. and when i got to-day down i'll work on repenting for yesterday. and when i got yeaterday under control i'll work on to-morrow. if i get to-morrow.
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October 8, 2006 - Sunday
Lost and found
Current mood: quixotic

You ever lose something that you really really needed but didn't want? Thats my salvation.
You ever find something you really really wanted but was no good for you? Thats him.
Now I know I'm cursed. By God.
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October 12, 2006 - Thursday
man that woman is a pistol whip!
Current mood: quixotic

Is it true that nothing irks you more than being labeled a jazz singer, albeit one of the greatest?

To most white people, jazz means black and jazz means dirt and that's not what I play. I play black classical music. That's why I don't like the term "jazz," and Duke Ellington didn't either - it's a term that's simply used to identify black people.

As in the late '50s, when you became a star and were compared to Billie Holiday?

Yeah--what an insult!
An insult not because she wasn't a great artist but because-- Because she was a drug addict! They only compared me to her because we were both black - they never compared me to Maria Callas, and I'm more of a diva like her than anybody else.

Really? How so?

She was tempestuous. She was a complete one-of-a-kind and she studied her music more than anyone else in her generation. She could make the rules and break them whenever she pleased, and the world would listen because she was Callas.

Do you get off on being tempestuous?

What do you mean, "get off"? That's just the way I am.

Actually, it's hard to compare you to anybody.

Well, thank you.

You studied to be a classical musician, but instead became the High Priestess of Soul. Though you've introduced such classics as "House of the Rising Sun," "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood," and "Lilac Wine" during forty-years-and-counting reign, you don't much like show business.

Can't stand it! I like being onstage, but when it comes to show business itself and the pirates that run it, no, I don't like it at all.

You feel you've been ripped off

Yes, sir! Completely ripped off. I've never been paid all royalties for the five hundred songs I've composed.

How did that happen?

Obviously you're naive about show business.

In a very un-show-business move, you're famous for berating audiences whose behavior isn't up to your requirements.

My original plan was to be the first black concert pianist--not a singer--and it never occurred to me that I'd be playing to audiences that were talking and drinking and carrying on when I played the piano. So I felt that if they didn't want to listen, they could go the hell home.

As a child in Tryon, North Carolina, were you always this though?

Oh, no. I started off very pure and very innocent and I believed till the last minute that I'd be that concert pianist. It still takes a long time for me to accept the fact that it's never going to happen the way I dreamed it. It's just too late.

Yeah, but instead you became the legendary "Nina Simone." Didn't you change your original name so your Methodist minister mother wouldn't find out you were working a summer job playing piano in an Atlantic City bar?

Yes, but I'd rather not go into what my name was. I have two honorary doctorates. I am now professionally and legally know as Dr. Nina Simone.

Ok, but the story of how you changed it from "Eunice Waymon" is right in your autobiography.

If you know that, you don't have to ask me.

Should I be calling you Dr. Simone?

Well, since we don't know each other...

Okay, next question, Dr. Simone. In Atlantic City, you developed a wildly iconoclastic style that incorporated pop, Bach, jazz, folk, and even Christmas carols. Were you aware of what a groundbreaking brew that was?

Yes and no--mainly I did it to pass the time. Because I was hired to play the piano for forty-five minutes out of each hour for six hours a night, and since I hadn't played any popular music before, I had to incorporate jazz and classical motifs into what I was doing, and that developed into the difficult role I'm playing now. I didn't start singing until the manager of the bar told me that just playing wasn't good enough.

And even though you'd never sung professionally before, you were an immediate hit and got signed to record your first of fifty-one albums. Are you excited about the Rhino anthology of your early-'60s Colpix-label recordings that just came out?

Well, I didn't know about that. Thanks for telling me.

You didn't know?! It's kind of a big deal.

Is it, now?

Yes, and actually the Verve label recently released another compilation.

Oh, for God's sake, there are pirates everywhere!

I'm sure these aren't pirates... I really think you'll get paid.

Well, I'll know as the checks come in.

Maybe if you lived in America instead of the south of France, you'd have more knowledge of your current popular resurgence here.

I don't like America, I never did, and I don't want to go back unless I have to.

I thought you were going to tour this coming year. Anyway, what do you have against America?

I think they'll sell themselves, their souls, and their brothers, sisters, and mothers for money. And prejudice there is so insidious and subtle--I've never seen anything like it! It's gotten crazy with so many skinheads, everybody gone mad, bang-bang shot dead--I don't know what's happened to the world.

Is that why, after all your high-profile civil-rights work in the '60s, you left the U.S. pretty much permanently in the early '70s?

I left because I didn't feel that black people were going to get their due, and I still don't.

In the late '60s, your song "To Be Young, Gifted and Black" was declared by the Congress of Racial Equality to be the black national anthem.

Yes, and then black America promptly refused it.

How so?

You mean "Why so?" I don't know why--it's just that they're pretty backwards.

Backwards, hmm... I guess you don't feel much was accomplished in the movement.

After Martin Luther King and Malcom X got killed, after Lorraine Hansberry and Langston Hughes and Medgar Evers died, and after Stockley Carmichael and Miriam Makeba went to Africa, yes, I felt the movement died.

So you moved to Africa. How'd you feel when you got there?

That I was at home. I took off my shoes and walked in the dirt streets, smelled all the smells... They didn't event want me to sing over there, they just wanted me to have a good time! I felt thoroughly at home there.

So much so that in your book you say that on your third night there, you danced buck naked in a nightclub for two hours. (laughs)

Yes. I don't particularly like clothes, and when I get a chance to be happy and dance with friends around me, I take them off and I dance.

And at age sixty-three, do you still do that?

Well, not here in the south of France.

You've been married and divorced and had many romances. Do you still get around?

I had an intense love affair with a Tunisian boy last year, but I don't think I want to get involved for a long time again because he opened me up like a volcano, and it almost put me under.

I'm happy to hear you have friends, because I recently read a quote of yours that said "I don't like people that much." Why's that?

Because they're basically undeveloped, stupid, and not very knowledgeable about anything--they don't think for themselves and they're not honest.

I see. And is the same true for yourself?

What do you mean? I'm very honest.

You certainly are. People play your songs when they're feeling bad. What do they hook into?

I feel what they feel. And people who listen to me know that, and it makes them feel like they're not alone.

How would you like to be remembered?

I want to be remembered as a diva from beginning to end who never compromised in what she felt about racist and how the world should be, and who to the end of her days consistently stayed the same.

But isn't life about evolving and changing?

Not for me.
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October 15, 2006 - Sunday
Liberation
Current mood: quixotic

there's a, and there's athere's a, and there's a, finnne.. linnneToo late to pray that I'm on it..Ya, yeah, yeahhhhY'all, uh-huh, y'allthere's a fine line between love and hate you seeCame way too late, but baby I'm on it..there's a fine line between love and hate you seeCame way too late, but baby I'm on it..Can't worry bout, what a nigga think now seeThat's Liberation and baby I want it..Can't worry bout, what anotha nigga thinkNow that's Liberation and baby I want it..(Let me hear it, let me hear it, let me hear those, let me hear those)How many times I, sit back and contemplateI'm fresh off the dank, but I'm tellin my story..My relationship, with my folks is give and takeAnd I done took so much, not givin my gloryNow have a choice to be who you wants to beIt's left uppa to me, and my momma n'em told me (yes she did)I said I have a choice to be who you wants to beIt's left uppa to me, and my momma n'em told me[Cee-Lo]No, nooo, nooooooooI'm so tired, it's been so long - struggling, hopelesslySeven and forty days.. heyyyOhhhh, I sacrifice every breath I breatheTo make you believe, I'd give my life awayyyyOh lord, I'm so tired, I'm so tiredMy feet feel like I walked most of the road on my owwwwnAll on my owwwwn, weeeeeee..We alive or we ain't livin, that's why I'm givin until it's goneCause I don't wanna be alone (I don't wanna be alone)I don't wanna be alone.. yeahhhheeeeeeIf there's anything I can say, to help you find your wayTouch your soul, make it whole, the same for you and I..There's not a minute that goes by that I don't believethat you die.. but I can feel it in the windThe beginning or the endBut people keep your head to the skyyyyy[singers in background over interlude]Shake that load off, shake that load off [16X][Erykah Badu]Folk in your face, you're a superstarNiggaz hang around cause of who you areYou get a lot of love cause of what you gotSay they happy for you but they really notSell a lot of records and you rollin benzSwoll up in the spot, now you losin friendsAll you wanna do is give the world your heartbut the label tried to make you compromise your artYou make a million dollars, make a million mo'First class broad treat you like a nigga po'You wanna say "Wait!" but you're scared to askas your world starts spinning and it's moving fastTry to stay sane, it's the price of fameSpending your life trying to numb the painYou shake that load off and sing a songLiberate the minds, then you go on home..[Big Rube]I must admit, they planted a lot of thingsin the brains and the veins of my strainMakes it hard to refrain, from the host of cocaineFrom them whores, from the flameFrom a post in the gameMakes it hard to maintain focusThey're from the glock rounds, and lockdowns, and berriesThe seeds that sow, get devoured by the same locustsCause it's a hard row to hoeif your ass don't move, and the rain don't fallAnd the ground just dryBut the roots are strong, so some surviveSo you're surprised, now I'm bustin criesYou got more juice than ZeusSlangin lightnin tryin to frightenPlains dwellers, of the SerengetiBut get beheaded when you falsely dreadedMelanin silicon and collagen injectedDissectin my pride, fool I don't wanna get it startedWe be the lionhearted, without a fantasyIt's like that red sprite, you can't imagine itunless you lookin at the canvas of lifeand not through the peephole of mortalitySingle minded mentalityGettin over on loopholesGettin paid two-fold on technicalitiesClickin your heels, scared to bust how you feelPack the steelPickin cotton from the killing fields with no toeI don't we in Kansas no mo' thoughMidwest or Dirty SouthClean dressed or dirty mouthWhether robbin preachers or killin Poor Righteous TeachersYou a scared demonShouldn't be allowed to spread semenAnd your cowardly lies never defyin the jackals who babbleRunnin with they pack, tail between your legsThough the man on your head say the storyAs you downplay your gloryCacklin, helpin the shacklin of your brethern happenJust by rappin..LIBERTIE..
**********

October 15, 2006 - Sunday
I'm sad
Current mood: quixotic

but do I really have time to be sad? i guess. if'n i make time. and i guess thats my whole point. i can make time for what i want to make time for. but i am sad. i'm going to try and fill my time with other things such as work and cleaning up and my Lord. but really thats just me trying not to focus on the fact that i'm sad.
"shake that load off"
"they want a nigga that can change their life. fuck em, feed em and buy em all the things they like. shit. you smile bright and your game is tight. shit. y-e-a yeah, you can get it.'
"i wanna go outside...in the rain. cause i don't want you to see me cry."
so many women around me done with the bullshit, i feel like an ass not being done with it. i still believe in giving dudes chances. see where things go. get to know each other. they think its my self esteem being low that causes me to think this way. like if he doesn't know youre the shit first meeting then he'll never know what youre worth. i just don't see it that way. dudes go through shit just like we do. but i could be wrong. so very wrong. im that chic that got married at 18 and divorced by 22. that same silly chic. well maybe not that same chic but have i learned enough to be at the point where i'm like, fuck it. its just me and my babes and my work and my family and my Lord. i think i'm more realistically at the point where i just won't share whats going on with me in terms of dudes with my folk. until we are at the point in our relationship where they can be proud of. its like i go out with a guy once and i'm being asked more questions than i can answer. then i feel like yeah, why isn't he or why didn't he. and then im at this point. sad.
*********

October 23, 2006 - Monday
being stupid...being me
Current mood: quixotic

i'm almost tired of being weak. and lame. and less than myself's self. gotta start taking the high road. damn. i'm stuck at the traffic light on the onramp.

to-morrow may be too late. i need my soul cleansed to-day.

guess time does heal all wounds. sometimes it opens them up too.

i feel like i am stepping into the qadriyyah i been so scared to be.

27. 2+7=9. 9 being my birthmonth. 2006. 6. 1+5=6. hahaha just kidding.
but still.

i do feel like once again i am being given a chance. (Amir cover your ears) i don't wanna muck it up.

i am becoming the person i never wanted to be. always and never. right Dad? its cool.

the more i remember, the more i recall. and ain't that the point. remember where you came from.

who's your Daddy?

oh, oh, I know, I know.

Wait your turn Ms. Ali.

but it is my turn.
*********

October 25, 2006 - Wednesday
SEX ED VIDEO
Current mood: quixotic

when i saw this video i thought to myself how interesting.

the relations between some males and females. interesting.

very interesting.

turtles no less.

i see how i deal with some males and how i can seem like this female.

got some changing to do.

slow and steady wins the race.
*********

October 27, 2006 - Friday
Love the pumpkin
Current mood: quixotic

i'm working on it.

working on a lot.

gotta get this lazy, lax streak outta me.

only working can get that done.

now i know why Allah says He knows what we know not. ahha. cause its true. and the thing about not knowing is that you don't even know what you don't know.

thought folks with brains knew music was more than just beats and buttock shaking sounds.

wow. wow. really. thats all music is to you? if it doesn't make you wanna dance then its ...what...empty air. do the words to these tracks just float on by. wow.

and...sometimes people don't mean what they say.

and...sometimes people do mean what they say.

so when dude tells you he'll fight a girl, hahaha, he's telling you he'll fight a girl. you. her. me. them. us.

so when dude tells me he's a whore, hahaha, he's telling me he's a whore.

i gotta get involved with my Qur'an. i think i'll read like ten iyat a day. straight through. and through. my problem with reading my Qur'an is that i will see things as i am meant to see them and this daily bread will be like sewage. but like i said, i'm working on it.

just because Muslim men are allowed to have up to four wives does not make it okay to lust after another woman's husband. for real. thats still not cool.

held my tongue yesterday. very proud of myself.

don't you can't stand it when folks say stuff thats, for the most part, simple foolishness. but to pull they coat tails or they card would be like basically blacklisting yourself from social interaction. and how can you relay the message if folks won't listen to you...cause you were relaying the message. huh.

my personal revolution.

my salvation revelation.
*********

November 9, 2006 - Thursday
he's not my fella
Current mood: quixotic

i wish i had a fella named Kenno
that smiled at me right
that talked to me right
that laughed with me right
that joked with me right
that touched me right
that kissed me right
that didn't touch me right
that called me right
that taught me right
that treated me right
that spoke to me right
that remembered me right
that played with me right
that wrote to me right
that got me right
but i don't
i have a Kenno
that smiles at me right
and talks to me right
and laughs with me right
and jokes with me right
and touches me right
and kisses me right
and doesn't touch me right
and calls me right
and teaches me right
and speaks to me right
and remembers me right
and plays with me right
and writes to me right
and gets me right.
*********

November 9, 2006 - Thursday
The hoop earring is what got me
Current mood: quixotic

'60 Minutes' Anchor Ed Bradley Dies
TV News Anchor Inspired a Generation of Younger African-American Journalists
By Frazier Moore, AP

NEW YORK (Nov. 9) - Ed Bradley, the award-winning "60 Minutes" correspondent who grew up in the tough streets of Philadelphia, was wounded while covering the Vietnam War and later became CBS's first black White House correspondent, died Thursday. He was 65.Bradley died of leukemia at Mount Sinai hospital, CBS News announced."He was a great journalist who did the most serious work without ever seeming to take himself seriously," Barbara Walters said in a statement.Bradley's consummate skills were recognized with numerous awards, including 19 Emmys, the latest for a segment on the reopening of the 50-year-old racial murder case of Emmett Till.Three of his Emmys came at the 2003 awards: for lifetime achievement; a 2002 "60 Minutes" report on brain cancer patients; and a "60 Minutes II" report about sexual abuse in the Roman Catholic Church. He also won a lifetime achievement award from the National Association of Black Journalists.With his signature earring, Bradley was "considered intelligent, smooth, cool, a great reporter, beloved and respected by all his colleagues here at CBS News," Katie Couric said in a special report.
"He certainly was a reporter's reporter," fellow "60 Minutes" correspondent Mike Wallace told CBS News Radio.Bradley grew up in a tough section of Philadelphia, where he once recalled that his parents worked 20-hour days at two jobs apiece. "I was told, `You can be anything you want, kid,'" he once told an interviewer. "When you hear that often enough, you believe it."After graduating from Cheney State College, he launched his career as a DJ and news reporter for a Philadelphia radio station in 1963, moving to New York's WCBS radio four years later.He joined CBS News as a stringer in the Paris bureau in 1971, transferring a year later to the Saigon bureau during the Vietnam War; he was wounded while on assignment in Cambodia.After Southeast Asia, Bradley returned to the United States and covered Jimmy Carter's successful campaign for the White House. He followed Carter to Washington, in 1976 becoming CBS' first black White House correspondent -- a prestigious position that Bradley didn't enjoy.He jumped from Washington to doing pieces for "CBS Reports," traveling to Cambodia, China, Malaysia and Saudi Arabia. It was his Emmy-winning 1979 work on a story about Vietnamese boat people, refugees from the war-torn nation, that eventually landed his work on "60 Minutes." He officially joined the show in 1981

"60 Minutes" producer Don Hewitt, in his book "Minute by Minute," was quick to appreciate Bradley's work. "He's so good and so savvy and so lights up the tube every time he's on it that I wonder what took us so long," Hewitt wrote.In 1993, Bradley responded to rumors that he might be lured to ABC News by commenting: "I happen to be on the No. 1 show on television. That's a pretty strong incentive. Besides, CBS is home. There are people here I grew up with."
Accepting his lifetime achievement award from the black journalists association, Bradley remembered being present at some of the organization's first meetings in New York."I look around this room tonight and I can see how much our profession has changed and our numbers have grown," he said. "I also see it every day as I travel the country reporting stories for '60 Minutes.' All I have to do is turn on the TV and I can see the progress that has been made."
*********

November 14, 2006 - Tuesday
my hero
Current mood: quixotic

"as-salaam-wa-lakium"

"wa-lakium-as-salaam. do you have my sister's jacket?"

"no"

"then bye-bye."

and skates off.
*********

November 15, 2006 - Wednesday
and here we go...
Current mood: quixotic

Dear Your Majesty,

i cried real tears after hearing what you said when you accepted your award at the sponsor's hip hop show. real tears. i feel lied to. i thought you gave a fuck and were for the people..the babies..Blacks. but you made it clear, to-night, that you just like Jeezy. Sleezy. i wanna give you another chance. i wanna say it was because you let your demon out that night and kept your angel lock in a room. always gonna be a bad choice. now you can't take back what he (you) let out.
i am working on not letting my emotions run me. i'm a work in progress. so until then..you're on my shit list!

~Jolli Ali
*********

November 19, 2006 - Sunday
looked like fun at the time Current mood: quixotic
1. I love...easily and hard
2. Right now I want...freedom within and for my People
3. I feel like...i should have been an assassin
4. I hate it when...people do not answer your questions
5. I fear...not fearing
6. I'm lonely without...hope
7. I need...Allah
8. Today I...made a fool of myself
9. Tomorrow I'm...not promised
10. I just... gotta find piece of mind
11. I want to meet...my true self
12. I'm hungry for...stability
13. I love it when...it rains
14. I'm afraid of...people not letting me be me
15. I'm listening to...other people's problems
16. I'm wearing...my heart on my sleeve
17. I wish I was in... West Side Stories, the original
18. I'm craving...sanity
19. I want to get... clarity
20. I can... and I will
21. I can't...always take to high road
22. I have... one shot at this life
23. I haven't... got time to waste
24. I'm nervous to... make love with the lights on
25. My Mom thinks I'm... extemely funny
26. My Dad thinks I'm... lazy
27. I think... too much
28. I'm happy when...i can be of service
29. I'm sad when... others are not
30. I like eating...all the time
31. I hate eating...in front of you
32. I love watching...Fall weather
33. I love listening to...my sisters laughing
34. I like playing... card, cards, cards
35. I hate waking up to... coldness
36. I can see...clearly now the rain is gone
37. I'm glad that...i meet someone i like, again
38. I'm disappointed that...he is bitter
39. I look like...this girl named qadriyyah
40. I wish I looked like...this woman named qadriyyah
*********

November 28, 2006 - Tuesday
yesterday
Current mood: quixotic

november 27th was my Mom's birthday. i'd been missing her for a few weeks now. thought it was going to be rough. and it was...but it wasn't. thought that over time it would seems less fucked up. and it does. but it doesn't. shes still dead. time doesn't change that. all time changes is how long shes been dead. the thing about that ... i feel like folks think, damn its been like three/four years, stop with the oh poor me bit. but, i do miss my Mom. a lot. and often. i think my sister is turning into her. which is funny since my sister didn't grow up with my Mom. (same Mom) i had planned on visiting her since we were in NC but that didn't happen. i don't think i've been back to her grave since the funeral. i plan to...but then again i guess i don't, cuz i haven't. the worst part is my children don't remember her too tough. thats the worst part of all. Mom would have been 62. i can't remember which year she died. just the day...and the circumstance.
*********

November 30, 2006 - Thursday
late

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) -- Many people on the run-down northwest Atlanta street where Kathryn Johnston lived fortify their windows with metal bars and arm themselves for protection.

white people in rich neighborhoods do the same. so what was the point of stating this?

Johnston, 92, was no exception.

Alone in her home, she was waiting with her gun on Tuesday night when a group of plainclothes officers with a warrant knocked down her door in a search for drugs, police said.

She opened fire, wounding three officers, before being shot to death, police said. (Watch niece's fury at police shooting )
Assistant Police Chief Alan Dreher called the killing "tragic and unfortunate" but said the officers were justified in returning fire.

"You don't know who's in the house until you open that door," Dreher said Wednesday. "And once they forced open the door, they were immediately fired upon."

The Rev. Markel Hutchins, a civil rights activist and spokesman for Johnston's family, said he could understand why the elderly woman would arm herself.

um...why does the family have a civil rights spokesperson? where do they come from? "oh, i heard your aunt was shot and killed by thte police, can I speak for the family?"

"She was afraid," Hutchins said. "This is a horrifying situation in a neighborhood where crime happens often. This incident is a result of a mix-up."

what is wrong with these people!!!!!! you don't have to live in a druggie neighborhood to have a gun. isn't it our right as law abiding citizens???

The officers had gone to the old woman's house with a search warrant after buying drugs there from a man known only as Sam, police said. (Watch what police and family say about the shooting -- 2:53 )

Police issued a "John Doe" warrant on Wednesday for the arrest of Sam, believed to be in his early to mid 30s, who allegedly sold the drugs to the undercover agent.

Dreher would not say how the dealer knew Johnston.

Investigators also said they found drugs in the home after Johnston was killed.

i am livid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lies, all lies. of course they found drugs. they always do. but thats not the best part. here is the best part...

Officer Joe Cobb, a police spokesman, said the type of drug involved would not be disclosed until it was verified by the crime lab.

so, on a "routine" traffic stop when they find cocaine on a man they just shot to death whom they pulled over for having a broken taillight they don't need the crime lab to verify that its cocaine. of course not cuz they just pulled it out they back pocket, so they know what it is. but in this case they need to verify it before they say something? the the fuck outta here. they know they on thin ice with this shit. they killed a 92 year old woman. they can't just come out and shit on her name...the people wouldn't go for that. they need to be very careful with this "situation"

District Attorney Paul Howard said his office is looking into the shooting but that a preliminary review indicated the officers had a right to search the home.

Crime and drugs are a part of the landscape in the rough neighborhood where Johnston lived, and her neighbors said they do what it takes to protect themselves.

"It's the roughest neighborhood in Georgia," said 56-year-old Allen Pernel, who lives a few blocks from Johnston's home. "If she thought somebody was coming into her house, she did what any of us would have done."

drama. and lies.

Al Harley, a 50-year-old homeless man who hangs out in front of a neighborhood convenience store, said residents follow a sort of credo: "Don't let anyone disrespect your door."

The police chief said the officers had identified themselves and then forced open the door of Johnston's house where she had lived for 17 years.

so what they are saying is they said "police...open up" and she knowingly shot them. if 'n thats true, and i doubt it is, good for her. fuck em. i wish my Grandmother would have gone out like that. fuck em. against the wall.

Investigator Gary Smith, 38, was shot in the leg and Investigator Cary Bond, 38, was struck in the arm.

Investigator Gregg Junnier, 40, was hit in the leg, the face and his bulletproof vest. They were taken to the hospital and are expected to recover.

in the face!!!! hell yeah.

Johnston had no children and her closest relative was a 75-year-old niece, neighbors said.

"She hardly came outside her home," said Tameka Walker, 28, who lives behind Johnston's house and used to visit her. "She's not a 92-year-old grouchy old woman you think she was. She's a very nice person."

i heard about this story late...seeing as i don't watch the news or much tv...so pardon my late anger...but...FUCK!!!

if its the law that people can have guns in their homes and cars, why do police officers continue to act like thats not going to be the case? what the hell were they doing serving a warrent in plainclothes at night...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...all this bitching ain't gonna do nothing. i'm done. i hate those fuckers and i hope when they fucking around on they wives and they white bitch whore is giving them a blow job she bites they dicks and they contract a new strand of syphallis that shrinks they dicks to the sizes of baby carrots and ten days later they insides harden and they die. and i also hope that all the people that they fucked over they family goes to they funeral and pisses on the open casket. and i was just about to rethink my i hate cops stance. silly me.
*********
December 25, 2006 - Monday
my childhood
Current mood: quixotic

Atlanta - James Brown, the legendary singer known as the "Godfather of Soul", has died in Atlanta, said his agent on Monday. He was 73.Brown was hospitalised at Emory Crawford Long Hospital with pneumonia on Sunday and died at 01:45 on Monday (0645 GMT), said his agent, Frank Copsidas of Intrigue Music.Long-time friend Charles Bobbit was by his side, said Copsidas.He said Brown's family was being notified of his death and that the cause of death was still uncertain."We really don't know, at this point, what he died of," he said.Brown was one of the major musical influences of the past 50 years. At least one generation idolised him, and sometimes openly copied him.His rapid-footed dancing inspired Mick Jagger and Michael Jackson.Songs such as David Bowie's Fame, Prince's Kiss, George Clinton's Atomic Dog and Sly and the Family Stone's Sing a Simple Song were clearly based on Brown's rhythms and vocal style.If Brown's claim to the invention of soul can be challenged by fans of Ray Charles and Sam Cooke, then his rights to the genres of rap, disco and funk are beyond question.He was to rhythm and dance music what Dylan was to lyrics: the unchallenged popular innovator.Grammy awards"James presented obviously the best grooves," rapper Chuck D of Public Enemy once told The Associated Press. "To this day, there has been no one near as funky. No one's coming even close."Brown's hit singles include Out of Sight, (Get Up I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine, I Got You (I Feel Good) and Say It Out Loud - I'm Black and I'm Proud."I clearly remember we were calling ourselves coloured, and after that song, we were calling ourselves black," said Brown in a 2003 AP interview."The song showed people that lyrics and music and a song can change society."Brown won a Grammy award for lifetime achievement in 1992. He had also won Grammys for Papa's Got a Brand New Bag and Living In America.He was one of the initial artists inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1986, along with Presley, Chuck Berry and other founding fathers.He triumphed despite an often unhappy personal life.Brown, who lived in Beech Island near the Georgia line, spent more than two years in a South Carolina prison for aggravated assault and failing to stop for a police officer.After his release in 1991, Brown said he wanted to "try to straighten out" rock music.
*********

December 29, 2006 - Friday
lamenting
Current mood: quixotic

so, i'm a little more saddened by James Brown than i had originally planned to be. he was always apart pf my musically life. i wonder if i will live to see Stevie Wonder die. wow. just saying it. its always crazy when you can just remember someone from now on.

AND...
i don't kow how to say this so that it expresses how sincerely i am amazed by this but...
by Jan. 27th they will hang Saddam.

woah.

woah.

(of course i don't think they really have the actual Saddam in custody but the notion itself is huge)
*********

December 29, 2006 - Friday
Can't you ... feel a ... brand new day...
Current mood: quixotic

Wednesday, November 29, 2006 (AP)
Paul Mooney Cites Richards in N-Word Ban
By ERIN TEXEIRA, AP National Writer

(11-29) 11:15 PST , (AP) --

For decades, Paul Mooney has left people howling with laughter and cringing at the same time. During a typical routine by the black comedian mostly about the screwy state of race in America the n-word could roll off his tongue dozens of times. No longer.

This week, after white comic Michael Richards harangued comedy club hecklers with the n-word, Mooney surprisingly renounced the slur. He vowed never to use it in public again, and said he would campaign to get all blacks to stop using it.

Since the 1970s, Mooney has operated at the highest levels of black comedywriting for artists such as Richard Pryor (who was largelyresponsible for mainstreaming the word) and Redd Foxx and television shows like "In Living Color" and "Good Times." He's performed countless standup routines, been in movies and on television, most recently Comedy Central's enormously popular but now-defunct "The Dave Chappelle Show," where he anchored sketches like Negrodamus (a black version of the psychicNostradamus) and "Ask a Black Dude."

In a performance in Atlanta, he once said, "I'm a real nigger. Bury me in a white Cadillac El Dorado and write 'Nigger' on the license plate." Amid a debate about whether black vernacular should be treated like its own language, Mooney joked: "As if I don't have enough to worry about, being a nigger, now I gotta worry about being bilingual."

Even though the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, where the Richards incident happened, now plans to fine comedians for using the slur onstage, it seems unlikely that black entertainers will stop using it entirely.

Mooney spoke by phone from Los Angeles with the Associated Press about hischange of heart: ___

AP: You helped pioneer the use of the n-word in black comedy many yearsago, didn't you?

Mooney: Oh yeah. I had a romance with the word. I worked with Richard Pryor using the word. It was so destructive it was created by whites to hurt and destroy and we were trying to defuse it, trying to desensitize people to it. We did it every chance we got, we would drive people crazy. We were very funny at it. But Richard backed off the word inthe early 1980s. He went to Africa and came back and said he didn't see any n-people there. But I said, 'That's him, that's not me.' I was very much into it like an alcoholic was into (liquor).

AP: Any idea how many times you've used the word?

Mooney: Oh, honey, you can't count it! If I had a dollar for every time I used the n-word I'd be a billionaire.

AP: So, what happened last week? You heard about Richards at the Laugh Factory he was caught on tape attacking black audience members.

Mooney: I have known Michael Richards for something like 20 years. We're friends. But I heard about the tape and I said, 'That doesn't sound like a comic routine. That sounds like a breakdown.' Then I saw the tape and I had an out of body experience. It was so ugly, so horrible. I hadn't heard (the n-word) like this from someone I knew. Suddenly, I was directly connected. I was able to look at it not just through my eyes but through the eyes of the world. I had always thought it was endearing. It's NOT. It's not an equal opportunity word. I don't want everyone running around saying it.

AP: Being friends with Richards, did you ever have an inkling he could saythose kinds of things?

Mooney: No, he never showed me that. Never. We had a private meeting and he told me he didn't know he had that ugliness in him. He said some white people had come up to him after the show and said, 'We agree with you. We're behind you.' He said it scared him. He didn't want to be the new Klansman.

AP: Will he be forgiven? Isn't this the ultimate taboo in America a white person using racial slurs in public?

Mooney: The man is a human being. Everyone deserves a second chance. I've heard violent reactions from people, black and white how could I be forgiving? Look, everyone's rap sheet is ugly, mine included. We've all got to straighten up about this race thing. We've got to make something positive out of all this.

AP: Do you think your comedy will suffer can you be as edgy without the shock value of the word? I mean, you've used it constantly for so long.

Mooney: I'm an n-word alcoholic and I will not be drinking from the n-bar. I will say 'black' or I will say 'African American.'

AP: Can you tell me a joke that you've told in the past with the n-word and show me how you'll change it?

Mooney: There was a white lady baking a cake for her little white son. She turned her back and he took the chocolate icing and smeared it on his face and said, 'Mommy, look! I'm black!' She slaps him and says, 'Don't ever do that again. Now go tell your father what you did.' So the boy goes to his father and does the same thing and gets slapped again. The father sends him to his grandfather and he does it again and the grandfather slaps him, too. So the boy goes back to his mother and she says, 'Well, Timmy, whathave you learned today?' He says, 'I learned I've only been black five minutes and I already hate white people.'

AP: Ha! Mooney: Believe me, it will get just as big a laugh. Oh yeah, honey, it's a new Mooney. And another thing I will not be using the b-word (to refer to women) anymore either.

AP: Oh?

Mooney: I'll say 'heifer' instead. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd be saying this, but it's a whole new world. A new time. I can't change the past, but one person can change the future anything can happen. I'm taking my stand.
*********

December 31, 2006 - Sunday
:'(
Current mood: quixotic

US body backs sale of cloned food Meat and milk from cloned animals is safe for human consumption, the US food regulator said in a draft ruling. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) ruled that cloned cattle, pigs and goats produced food "as safe as the food we eat every day". The recommendation, coming after a five-year study, is a major step towards allowing food from animals onto US supermarket shelves. A public consultation period will take place before final approval is given. Opponents say a majority of US consumers are against animal cloning. The FDA study examined meat and milk products from cattle, pigs and goats, but not sheep. It concluded that the cloned animals produced food products virtually indistinguishable from more traditional offerings. The agency suggested that the results meant it would be unlikely to recommend placing special labels on food from cloned animals. A final decision on labelling would not be taken until the end of the public consultation period due to begin soon, an FDA official said. 'Bad decision' Cloned animals are developed when cells are removed from a fertilised embryo and encouraged to develop into duplicate embryos with identical DNA. A sheep, Dolly, was the first animal successfully cloned, in 1996. "No unique risks for human food consumption were identified in cattle, swine or goat clones," the FDA said. It recommended no special safeguards on food produced from cloned animals. HAVE YOUR SAY If the meat is really safe as the US authorities claim, why can't they label it and allow consumers to decide? Padma Rao, Singapore But consumer groups were less keen on the ruling, which could see the US become the first country to allow cloned food products into the food supply. Carol Foreman, of the Consumer Federation of America, described the ruling as potentially "a very bad decision". "We are urging people to write to the FDA, to members of Congress, to urge them to tell the FDA to back off," she told the AFP news agency. Another group, the International Dairy Food Association, appeared cautious. "Animal cloning is a relatively new technology, and it's important that we have a thorough, deliberative dialogue," the group said in a statement. Previous scientific studies have come to conclusions similar to those of the FDA. Story from BBC NEWS
*********

January 21, 2007 - Sunday
Onnek
Current mood: quixotic

i can't do what you want me to do because thats not what i want to do

and doing this thing you want doesn't even make you happy

you make me happy

which makes we wanna play this game with you

but there is somethnig stopping me from doing it

and its you

i wanna cry but i don't know what i'm crying for

you tear me to bits

i spend too many hours thinking about you

and talking to you

and talking about you

and thinking about us

and i shouldn't be

i know i shouldn't be

but when you say 'goodnight puddin' it melts me right there

and you know what else melts me...

its all to confusing

if it was just ~wham bam thank you ma'am~ i could hang

and if it was just voilins and chocolates i could hang

but its not

and its that way because thats the way you make it

and

i like it too

but its confusing

and a bit emotional

thats the part that has me fucked up

i tried to avoid this

sad moment

i only delayed it

i just want you to say what you want from me...

and mean it...

and then act like it

i don't wanna change you

i like who you are

the asshole part especially

if you wanna work somethings out about you

change you

cause you want to

i respect that

you have to be who you want you to be

but i don't want to change you

i just wanna get through this wall

or not

no, i do wanna get through this wall

i don't dream i'm your everything

i don't even dream i'm your all

i just dream i'm there

i do not wanna ruin your life

i wanna be a good part in it

glenda the good witch

or more like the lion

maybe we should stop talking so much

cause i miss you already
*********

January 24, 2007 - Wednesday
losing
Current mood: quixotic

i feel like i'm losing him

and it feels like thats just the way its gonna be

it might be what it is

but that doesn't mean i'm not sad

so so sad

i feel like i been tricked

tricked into loving him

missing him

wanting him

cause i know i had no intention of loving him

i knew he was a heartbreaker

but he seemed to be feeling me

digging me

almost loving me

he was sweet to me

and laughed with me

and it seemed like he wanted me around

but i guess thats just what it seemed like

cause when the words got said

thats not what was said

what was said hurt my feelings

the feelings that i wasn't supposed to be feeling

it feels like i'm about to get the wind knocked out of me

and i don't want that to happen

so i'm running around like i can change what was written

i just wanna see him like i used to

and be with him like we used to

and get back on the track we were on

but things have gone too far

they've gotten messy

i don't wanna lose him

i don't want him to go

maybe thats why females play games the way they do

how else can we get what we need from these dudes

this is the part you denounce when you denounce love

the saddness

and sorrow

and regret

and powerlessness

i just wanna talk to him

ask him what the fuck is up

you done with me

you tired of me

just say so

you in a pissy mood and it has nothing to do with me

you in a pissy mood and it has all to do with me

i just met you in the wrong point of your life

shit aint never gonna be smooth with us again

just let me know sir

as slow as i tried to take it

i still went too fast

i can see how this whole situation is my fault

i remember what you said

even though thats not what you were doing

it is what you said

and you can always fall back on what you said

and forget what you've done

and no matter how you screwed me over

its still hard to let you go

cause i don't wanna lose you
*********

January 30, 2007 - Tuesday
quick
Current mood: quixotic

i almost forgot...

almost isn't good enough...

i am planning on fasting for the month of Feb.

just juice

and i'd be lieing if i said water

Feb 1st to Feb 28th

maybe I'll end it March 12th to make it a full 40 days

or maybe I'll go til March 21st in honor of my Father (his birthday)

but the seems like a long time fasting

I'll pray on it
*********

February 14, 2007 - Wednesday
i fucked up
Current mood: quixotic

big time...

FUCK!!!!!

i have no idea what to do either

not really much i can do actually

damn. i fucked up.
*********

February 26, 2007 - Monday
differences
Current mood: quixotic

kenno and i hadn't been going out out for awhile

so when he asked me to go to the movies with him i was all too excited

we tried for tuesday, wednesday, then i fucked up friday

so sunday it is

like i said, i was all too excited

he came and picked me up, went to breakfast, saw a movie ...great

started feeling like shit when i woke up but nathan was gonna stop my date

felt like shit all day

after we had dinner i'm like yo! gotta go

he had to pull over on the 10 min drive to my house cuz i thought i was gonna earl (one white
boy slang i happen to like)

still had to pick up the babes

so i told him i was gonna go in after i picked them up and brought them to the house

he's like "k"

Old Man calls asks for a ride from the airport

bet

he can ride out to east bumfuck with me

he does

get back to the crib

feelin worse and worse

i just wanna lay down and cry

Kenno calls

"anything i can do to help"

i have to say, he always melts me

i know, appently it doesn't take much, but still

"not that i can think of"

go sit tight with Old Man

"i don't feel like going and sitting at the hospital all night by myself"

Old Man : "want me to take you?"

naw, but good idea

"Kenno, you'll go with me?"

"is this the first time you're thinking of this?""why didn't you ask me this when i asked was there
anything i can do?"

"I'm in the bed now"

"blah blah blah"

"Goodnight Kenno"

"Goodnight qadriyyah"

meanwhile back in the car with Old Man

"i left my bag at my house"

"so you're leaving?"

"why? you need me to stay?"

wow! what a difference

but what kills me is

~if Kenno thought when he asked what can he do about going to the emergency room with
me...why didn't he suggest it~

and i called him back within twenty minutes

he has literally said to me, in the most sincere of circumstances, "just tell me what you need me
to do and i'll do it"

thats a direct quote
*********

February 27, 2007 - Tuesday
vice versa

don't you love it when a lie becomes the truth?

"i'll be there in 20 minutes."knowing damn well you have to make a stop before you get there

but then they cancel and you make it there in time.

don't you hate it when a lie becomes the truth?

"i'll be late cuz my car got a flat."knowign damn well you're late cuz you woke up late

but then you get a flat tire.

don't you love it when the lie becomes the truth?

"no, Daddy, i ain't fucking nobody but you"knowing damn well you still seeing old dude

then old dude just stops calling

don't you hate it when a lie becomes the truth?

"no, Daddy, I ain't fucking nobody but you"knowing damn well you still seein old dude

then old dude just stops callin
*********

April 9, 2007 - Monday
every single word
Current mood: quixotic

Silly Of me to think that I could ever have you for my guy
How I love you... how I want you...
Silly of me to think that you could ever really want me too
How I love you...

You're just a lover out to score
I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be...
Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me
Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me

Silly of me to think that you could ever know the things I do
Are all done for you...only for you
Silly of me to take the time to comb my hair and pour the wine
And Know you're not there

You're just a lover out to score
And I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be...
Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me
Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me

Ooh,

Silly of me to go around and brag about the love I found
And say you're the best, well, I cant tell the rest
And Foolish of me to tell them all that every night and day you call
When you could care less

You're just a lover out to score
And I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be...

Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me
Oh, Love, oh, love, stop making a fool of me

Ooh,Ooh,Ooh,Ooh,Ooh,...Silly
Ooh,Ooh,Ooh,Ooh,Ooh,...Silly
Ooh,Ooh,Ooh,Ooh... Silly
Ooh,Ooh,la,la,la,la,la,la,la...Silly
la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la...Silly
*********

May 7, 2007 - Monday
Sprint ruined my day
Current mood: quixotic

Public Policy, Business ContinuityTravis L. Sowders

Dear Mr. Sowders,

I had made plans with this nice guy that I recently met to meet up in the morning after he gets his new Sprint phone. He arrives at my house as scheduled, but on the phone with Sprint. Apparently earlier that morning he went to the Sprint store and was told he could not upgrade his phone. And the people there were so unhelpful it was pissing him off. Luckily there is another Sprint store around my way. We go there, after him being on the phone with them the whole ride and them telling him he can upgrade his phone, and same sad story as the first place. Long story short we were walking around this pond with the beautiful day around us and he has to be concerned with his damn cell phone service. He managed to remain good company, but the distraction was noticeable. As I'm sitting there listening to him on the phone I'm so confused because its such a solvable problem I could not understand the hold up. Point is...Sprint ruined my day.

Jolli Ali
qumenseed@aol.com

daughter of a Field Negro
_______________________________
Thank you for sharing this experience with me. I am sorry that your friend did not receive the highest standard of service. I don't have access to customer accounts myself, but if you would like, you can forward his account information to me, with a brief description of his upgrade problem, I can make sure that our Executive Office, which handles escalated customer complaints, gets to work to resolve the issue.

Thanks again.

.. Converted from text/rtf format -->
Travis Sowders Wireless: 202-487-5103
*********

May 29, 2007 - Tuesday
from Rashaad
Current mood: quixotic

life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets
so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't
and believe everything happens for a reason
if you get a chance, take it
if it changes your life, let it
nobody said it would be easy they just promised that it would be worth it

*********

June 3, 2007 - Sunday
versus

Current mood: quixotic

Main Entry:
he·ro
Pronunciation:
..'hir-(?)o..
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural heroes
Etymology:
Latin heros, from Greek heros
Date:
14th century
1 a: a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability
b: an illustrious warrior
c: a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities
d: one that shows great courage

2 a: the principal male character in a literary or dramatic work
b: the central figure in an event, period, or movement

3plural usually heros : submarine

4: an object of extreme admiration and devotion : idol

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Main Entry:
sav·ior
Variant(s):
or sav·iour ..'sav-y?r also -?yo?r..
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English saveour, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin salvator, from salvare to save
Date:
14th century
1: one that saves from danger or destruction

2: one who brings salvation; specifically capitalized : jesus 1

Synonyms deliverer, redeemer, rescuer, saver Related Words custodian, defender, guard, guardian, keeper, lookout, protector, sentinel, sentry, warden, warder, watch, watchman
____________________________________________________________

I was wondering the difference between a hero and a savior. It would seem that a hero is who a person is and a savior is something a person...does? For example...

a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities...one that shows great courage...the central figure in an event, period, or movement...an object of extreme admiration and devotion

as opposed to...

one that saves from danger or destruction...one who brings salvation

see? i would mos def want a dude that was noble, couragous, important to me and that i respected. i used to think i needed to be saved. from myself. but thats just not true. i like who i am...and who i am becoming. i think its more important for me to be able to save myself from destruction and find my own salvation. there is merit in that. i used to think to be a good woman i needed to need a man. wow. sounds crazy just typing it. i don't NEED a man. I WANT a man in my life for companionship and all the wonderful things that comes with being with a man. the difference between needing and wanting is beautiful. need will make you settle. make you desparate. when i thought i needed a man it was hard to see past my own self. funny as that may seem. but wanting a man puts things in perspective. i was driving on the highway and saw this unattractive big woman driving her car with her man next to her and i thought...how is it that an ugly chic can get and keep a man but here i am belle of the damn ball and no man. but then i remembered...how many women settle? how many men???????? just cuz they together doesn't make them happy. i wanna be happy. i want, when folks drive by my car, for there to be no mistaking my extreme happiness and joy in life. i used to think a bum juice man is better than no man. wow. what kind of mother did i have????? maybe it was the drugs. but for right now, i know that Allah created woman to fulfill her destiny. I don't believe in the whole Adam/Eve story. Bible or Qur'an. Or atleast the way its understood to mean that woman was created to complete man. As wonderful as that may sound to others i just think if a girl is born, grows up wanting to be a marine biologist, does so, and is happy with her life minus a dude, she's done good for herself. but she can only be happy in that scenario if she is raised with that kind of understanding (she doesn't need a man to complete her). if she is raised with the understanding that women are destined to be wives and mothers for a fulfilling life, not matter how great a marine biologist she is she will still be unfulfilled because her fulfillment is ocmpletely in someone elses hands...and not Allah's. all this sounds very femenist-y but really its not. there is nothing wrong with understanding that dependency on anything is still dependency. Even on Allah. i think He would be proud of me. kinda like solving a puzzle all by myself when only Allah has the solution. cool. long way from there. still working on need versus want.

*********

June 10, 2007 - Sunday
Passing the (Young) Buck

Current mood: quixotic

i have three video clips on my page (two with 50 cents and the other with T.I.) that i heard awhile ago and agreed with. All my life my lesson has been patience. Patience to me equals thinking and/or waiting. Which is why its been my lesson all my life. I still haven't learned the difference between patience and waiting. Or if what i've thought was thoughtful enough. Nowadays I think more and talk less. Which is extremely difficult becuz i've found that when i think about certain things i end up not saying anything about them. "Life will teach her." But i am life. so is it on me to teach? i have to think about that :)

I disgress.

After hearing the interviews again and talking with some of my folks i would have to say that while what these two rap stars are saying is true...its still bullshit. According to 50, the media should go after the record labels but they don't cuz the labels are too big and its easy to point the finger at the artists. And TI says that the parents should be parenting their children and not leave it up to the music. I can agree with that. But really...what the fuck ever. Do these dudes pass their awards to the labels?

And more importantly what ever happened to personal accountability?????????????????????????

I'm so tired of these dudes saying that if it weren't them it would be someone else doing the same thing but it would be that man making the money and not them.

a. IF and i do mean IF these folks had principles to stand on that staement would never come out their mouths.

b. you not tryin to save that someone else but putting yourself in harms way cuz you can take the heat and pressure moreso than the other man...so please.

c. none of this is coming from a communial stance. it comes from a selfish, i gotta get mine mentality that corrupted the "civil rights movement" just as it has corrupted hip hop.

d. its all about the money. i wish they would stop bullshitting like on some levels they do care when we all know they rappers for the MONEY and FAME and HOES. they act like they would rap about other stuff if only the labels would let them. well i have a big BOO DAMN HOO for them. not one of these rappers have come out and spoken againt the label, other than the issues of they not paying me like i would like to be paid. they don't hold free lectures in every town of every state teaching all these young dumbasses how to start their own label and be in control of what they put out there. they have no concern for US.

and personally how dare TI talk about good parenting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this dude continues to hoe himself. is that good parenting??? he may wrap it in a neat bow as becoming independent and teaching his children how to be successful and building his legacy, but really, hoes do that too. In the same vain. So TI go talk that sideways talk somewhere else. We don't love them hoes.

*********

June 23, 2007 - Saturday
this is an actual job posting
Current mood: quixotic

Edited (under contact info):

Nanny needed.

Reply to: (see message body)Date: 2007-06-21, 11:51PM

Hello! My name is Jonah and my wife, Ashleigh, and I are looking for someone to care for our four children while we are away in China, adopting our fifth child. We will be gone the entire month of July and someone needs to be with our kids. We have a boy and three girls, ages 12 (Jake), 7 (Olivia), and 5 year old twins (Lucy and Maggie).

During the day, Jake and Olivia attend a summer camp from 9-1 and Lucy and Maggie have camp from 9-12. Throughout the week they each have their own special activities. Jake does soccer and swimming. Olivia has piano and pottery. Lucy has swimming and ballet. Maggie has swimming and gymnastics. We're not strict with the twins because of their age, though. If they don't feel like going, they will say so and we don't force it (this is rare, however).

We will stock the house with plenty of groceries, as well as a credit card (in case you'd like to eat out or need something else from the store). You'll have one of 4 guest rooms to choose from, as well as one live in housekeeper (your job isn't to clean). We have two playrooms, an in home theater, and the older kids have laptops. I doubt very seriously that anyone will be bored. We also have season passes to Six Flags, White Water, and the Aquarium. If you want to give the kids a day off from camp, you're very welcome. –there's no good place to fit this in, but just as a house rule, there's no rap or hard metal rock allowed in our house-- You'll be there from July 1st to July 30th. We have a regular babysitter who comes every Friday from 4-10. You can use her if you need a break. You'll prepare (or have the housekeeper prepare) breakfast, lunch, and dinner and take the kids to and from their various activities. Because of this, we need someone with a clean driving record. Also, we would feel comfortable if you drove our family vehicle--an RX300. It's a manual, so no worries. Our kids are extremely well behaved--they have all had proper etiquette classes and are all well aware of their responsibilities (they have chore charts). The younger girls are shy, but they're all good listeners and do as they're told. I can't even fathom any of them talking back, being rude or disrespectful, or throwing a tantrum--but if it were to occur, you have every right to ground them as you see fit. Rest assured, no length of time that they are grounded will match what I give them when I get home. They know better. But like I said, it won't be a problem. It should be made known that there are several cameras around the house--which are not hidden in any way. We don't care to spy on anyone, but just in case something were to happen, we'd like to have the cameras to look back on. They are not in any bathrooms or guest rooms. For your time, we will compensate you $30,000, to ensure that our children are in good hands and have a good month. $15,000 will be paid upfront, and the rest upon completion. (That's a little over $40/hr.) Nothing you do, use, or buy while in our house will be paid for out of your own pocket.

Requirements: *Female *2+ years experience. *CPR and First Aid training. *3 References. *A great personality. *No allergies to pets (we have 3 dogs, 3 cats, and 2 turtles—which the kids care for). *20 years or older. *Clean driving record. *Energetic (we don't want someone who is just going to watch tv the whole time). *Comforting. *Responsible. *Professional.

If you do not meet these qualities, please do not respond. There will also be a background check as well as an intense grilling by myself and my wife, as well as two sets of grandparents. Be ready.

If interested, please send your resume to jonah.darcy@gmail.com

It's important that you send a resume with three professional references--I won't even consider you without these things. After reviewing what I hope will be many resumes, I will set up a phone interview—from there we will have a face to face interview.
*********

July 5, 2007 - Thursday
4th of July
Current mood: quixotic

had a great fouth of July...

just cause i spent it with real good folk...

and, because, ofc ourse, i burned a flag...

every year baby

til they take meaway in handcuffs kicking and screaming whilst i am running down my long ass
street into the neighbor's yard and cut across the path to the main road and wave down a rebel
like me who will run me to mexico

we all know that plan doesn't work in any movie, why would it work in real life?

but for real

i love burnig a flag on the fourth

makes me feel like i am not feeding into this system, if you know what i mean

i say a little speech each year

this year i liked my speech

think i may write it down and start saying it each year

if you'd like i can post it and then you too would have a great speech

to burn your flag
*********

September 15, 2007 - Saturday
failed intentions
Current mood: quixotic

it was my intention to not really celebrate my birthday this year

as i have told most of ya'll

but then September came in

and I LOVE SEPTEMBER

not just because its my birth month

but also because it is the beginning of Autumn

and just a super month period

and i was feeling like

yeah

September

and then i realized

and what a wonderful moment it was

that Stevie Wonder was going to be playing in concert the day before my lovely birthday

how wonderful

so...even with my sincere intentions to not celebrate my birthday until i officially turn thirty

this has been a Mercy from Allah thus far

the concert was just wonderful

okay

it was amazing

the company i went with to the concert

was very...timely

andwell, i don't wanna jump the gun

soi'll leave it at timely

India Irie performed limitedly with Stevie Wonder

his daughter performed a duet with him as well as being one of his back up singers

the man is very funny

very silly

he started on time and ended on time

for the first 30 minutes i just wondered

okay

i was thinking about if my Mother or Father had even seen him in concert

i know my Father was a big Stevie fan

my Mother too

he spoke about Jena 6

extensively

good man

here in ATLanta the sky opened up and released its contents

for the good part of the day and afternoon

but Allah is God

and the weather became a cool night by concert time

and we had good seats

and since its Ramadan i took about three bites outta a half sub and was full

so didn't need to spend much on food

but i will say that it was ONLY Mr. Stevie Wonder that got me back to Chastain Park

boo hiss hiss boo

I am overjoyed

okay

elated that i got to see Stevie Wonder in my lifetime

just

wow

side note - limitedly is so not a word.
*********

September 28, 2007 - Friday
i heart my Mother
Current mood: quixotic

you ever been watching tv in the living room and your Mother come in saying "You seen my bra?"
*********

October 2, 2007 - Tuesday
piece
Current mood: quixotic

i smile at babies

because

there is a good chance

they won't smile back

sometimes i catch them in the middle of doing something non-smile related

and lay one on them

distracted by a smile

how wonderful

they smile back with a laugh

some might say from the belly

but its really from their souls

smiling wide teethed

with no teeth

if you're lucky

or smooth enough

if not

your cheeks just end up hurting

from holding a smile

waiting for the return smile

you don't want it to turn into a disappointed look

so you search for another baby to smile at

hoping he'll return the smile

and when he does

the genuine joy your smile first carried

returns

its crazy how babies that you don't know

and don't wanna know

can satisfy
*********

October 10, 2007 - Wednesday
cedric
Current mood: quixotic

this is a repost....
++++++++++++++++++++++++

October 5, 2007 - Friday
..>

We bottle poppin', you cock-blockin
Current mood: hyper

This is a response to Melodie's comment on my last blog.

Ok, Mel since you say I'm over-reacting, lemme tell you about my experience last night.
It was my first time going to meet one of my myspace friends face-to-face. When she came to pick me up, she had a friend with her. We all exchanged pleasantries and began walking towards the parking lot. The trouble started when I made some off-hand comment about a local restaurant. The issue was, I visited the joint and made an order. I got extra comfortable and took one of my shoes off. The manager, instead of tapping me on the shoulder and letting me know the rule, made it seem like it was a code red and sent a henchman to deliver the message.
So the girl's friend starts snappin' like she got stock in the restaurant. She said some ol' extravagant bullshit like "It's a health hazard!!! You can't take a tennis shoe off in a restaurant" Doesn't she know that women commonly wear open-toe shoes to restaurants...it isn't always necessary to call the CDC and quarantine them. The rule wasn't the problem though, I dig it. I just didn't like how the manager came at me sideways. Besides the shit happened like a year ago; it's really not an issue. But you know females, she got all hysterical and gave her dissertation on how I don't have manners and I'm not showing any respect yadda yadda yadda. I'm like, um, I didn't come to see you; I came to find out more about this placeholder on my friend list. Whether or not I like her friends/roomates/sisters/cousins is irrelevant.
Anyway, shawty was really in a cantankerous mood. She kept trying to find negative things to say, so naturally, I kept being ignorant right along with her.
The way I see it is, she was just cockblocking. If it was a man coming to see her, there wouldn't have been all this nonsense. He could have had on an inside-out dress shirt and 12 fake gold teeth in his mouth, I bet she would have been nice as all get-out. She might have clowned him after he left, but she would have been sweet as pie at least for the first hour. Anyway, the evening ended prematurely, to say the least.
My question for today is not for her, it's for everybody "Why do single women let other single women instruct them on how to date/maintain a relationship/deal with men?" All that secondary input does is run men away. I watched my mom for years give tons of terrible advice to other single women. She had a list of lines like, "Girl, I wouldn't take that! You better tell him about himself!" Three days later her friend would call crying about how her man done left her. lol.
Since I don't like to harp on the negative, I'm gonna toss in a player line from a boss-player. My aunt made a "playerific" quote over 20 years ago. Her friends were all sitting in the kitchen talking about they need a man with such and such a job and this kinda car and that kinda car. Anyway, she quelled the bullshit when she said "I don't need a man who's gonna pay my damn bills; I need a man who's gonna take a damn bath!" It gets funnier every year. I see she was independent waaaay before Destiny's Child was even born!
Uh oh, I had a brief mental lapse! What was I mad about when I started this blog? Oh yeah, hoes cockblocking - y'all need to stop that shit. Niggas too, y'all know y'all need to stop that shit. :)
*********

December 5, 2007 - Wednesday
PIMP C
Current mood: quixotic

i heard Pimp C was found dead. I haven't been able to find any news coverage but when I do I will post it...
********************************************************

Rapper Chad "Pimp C" Butler, who along with hometown pal Bernard "Bun B" Freeman made up the chart-topping group UGK, was found dead Tuesday morning in a West Hollywood hotel room.
Paramedics and officers responded to a 911 call placed from the Mondrian Hotel on Sunset Boulevard and were directed to a room on the sixth floor. They found Butler lying on the bed, fully clothed. The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department said the call came in about 9:30 a.m.
A spokesman for the county coroner said it appears the 33-year-old "Dirty Money" purveyor died of natural causes. No drugs or related paraphernalia was found in the room, and it didn't appear as if anyone had been in the room with Butler when he died.
"At this time, there's no signs of foul play," Capt. Ed Winter said.
An autopsy will be performed and a full report, including the results of standard toxicology tests, should be ready in six to eight weeks.
"We mourn the unexpected loss of Chad," Jive Records president and CEO Barry Weiss said. "He was truly a thoughtful and kindhearted person. He will be remembered for his talent and profound influence as a pioneer in bringing southern rap to the forefront.
"He will be missed, and our prayers remain with his family and Bun B. I've known Chad since he was 18 and we loved him dearly, and he was a cherished member of the Jive family."
By Tuesday afternoon, the rapper's MySpace page featured the headline: "C the Pimp is FREE at last."
Butler had performed Saturday at the nearby House of Blues along with rapper Too $hort, and was also in Los Angeles to work on his next solo album for Rap-A-Lot Records, according to his manager Rick Martin, who was called to identify the body.
"He was my best friend and I will always love him," Martin said in a statement.
UGK, which stands for Underground Kingz, has been a fixture on the underground hip-hop circuit since the release of its first album, The Southern Way—available only on cassette—in 1992, followed closely by their Jive debut, Too Hard to Swallow. Their second effort, Super Tight, managed to crack the Billboard 200, topping out at 95, in 1994.
While Butler and Freeman remained partners for nearly two decades, UGK was forced to take a break when Butler was sent to prison in January 2002 on an aggravated assault charge. During his incarceration, both rappers recorded solo albums but were back in the studio together after Butler's release in December 2005.
The Port Arthur, Texas, duo's seventh album, the critically praised UGK, debuted in August at the top of the Billboard 200 with 160,000 copies sold.
They can also be heard on the Three Six Mafia tune "Sippin' on Some Sizzurp." In October, UGK shared BET Award honors for best collaboration with Outkast for "International Players Anthem (I Choose You)," off of UGK.
Butler is survived by a wife and three children.
*********

December 21, 2007 - Friday
i lost a friend today
Current mood: quixotic

and i'm more pissed than anything about it

i was sad....when i first realized i would lose her as a friend.

i was sad while i was waiting for it to happen. cuz, i knew it would

i knew she couldn't take corrective criticism, even though she would actually say thats the
reason she loved her family and friends, because they (we) would and could be honest with her
regardless of how that made her feel.

i know i have a sharp tongue.

i know that very well

thats the reason i hadn't snapped off on her previously. i didn't know how to say what i needed
to say without offending her. i normally don't tip toe around folks but she is sensitive and most
importantly hard headed. i find that there is no point in telling someone what you think about
what they are doing if the likelihood that they will listen is nil to none.

i knew since the moment i met her that she would have to learn her life lessons her way aka the
hard way.

and i was fine with that

even though the folks around me were not

which pisses me off a bit more

because here it is that i've lost a friend

one i had no intention on losing

and the folks around me can't feel my pain

cuz they didn't care too much for our union to begin with.

its like i can't mourn the loss openly

but what made the break necessary was me realizing that we weren't friends

i was her friend. and i love her

but she was not my friend.

i had a problem with her

and i brought it to her

and i waited for a response

i waited until her schedule cleared up

to expect a response

and now that her schedule is clear

she didn't respond

to me

she posted a myspace blog

and asked her subscribers what she should do about our situation

and because she knew i would read it

she slightly addressed me in the blog she posted to ask her subscribers what she should do about
our situation

in her slight address to me she stated that the blog was the only way that she was going to reach
out to me.

that made my choice easy

so i made her choice easy

it hurt me how she never responded to my e-mail. it also hurt me how she chose to address
this. like i am omar to her or some shit. i felt like it would end when i sent out the e-mail to her.
i felt like she would get very defensive and ask those around her to validate how she felt like i
was wrong, and i knew they would, so i knew that would mean she would continue to see things
from her selfish way of thinking.

i got over myself in order to address a problem we were having for a very long time in our
relationship.

i had hoped she would get over herself as well.

but seeing as how she did not

and in that she treated me with less respect than i expect and in some cases require

that hurt too

i'm in such shock as to how it all went down that now i'm just rambling

sorry

but, i've just lost a friend today
*********

January 11, 2008 - Friday
sloan
Current mood: quixotic

just finished a script and i'm really proud of it. when i heard the idea about it from the first person that was to write it i thought it sounded like it would be something fun to write for. and turns out it was very fun to write for. i had a vague idea of what i was shaping it to be when i first started writing it but it quickly lead itself to success. i can only hope the person i wrote it for agrees. if'n not...here we go again
*********

well. thats it. i think it didn't bring over maybe two ar three blogs from myspace.

learning what i was already told

2008-01-28T22:39:00.000-05:00

i've called into psychics

and asked questions

and been told answers

and been excited

and

none

of

it

comes

true

.

so here i am believing in a source

i was already told in the Qur'an was

faulty

at best

instead of believing what i was told by my Lord

i figured it out myself.

...

i don't know how i feel about that.

i've split myself into two distinct parts.

"the low"

and

"the good"

most of what i have planned for my life comes from "the low" me

like if Allah said He was going to grant me happiness in this life AND i got to choose what kind of life i could live with no consequence

"the low" me all day long

i'd actually take one day of "the low" me with no consequence.

the good thing about that is "the low" me isn't too too bad.

shes like--doing whatever makes her happy

eat out for every meal
drink kool-aid lemonade
smoke
drink liquor
have misc great sex
adopt children
bootleg cigarettes
lie
steal
cheat
break people outta prison
assassinate key political figures present day and slavery benefactors
have plastic surgery
get the tattoo of my dreams
be a fashionista
wear wigs for days
fund poor folks' lives

but i know there is another side to me. and that side deserves to be happy just like "the low" me. and it is because i want total happiness for both myselves i deprive "the low" me more so than i'd like. and its not that i deprive "the good" me. i feed into "the good" me intentionally because i automatically feed into "the low" me. i wonder if there will be a day when i can reconcile mysleves and actually achieve total happiness.

what i been taught is that i cannot achieve that kind of total happiness. what i'll have to do get "the low" me to desire less and less to the point where "the good" me becomes my default me.

i like "the low" me.

its like "the good" me only exists because if it were just "the low" me i wouldn't be able to get by with es aych eye tea

balance

in the same sense "the good" me needs to balance out so much from the other side, it seems like the goals and aspirations shes come up with are too daunting to accomplish.

and even though shes my make up me

i still feel her failure

and it wears on me

because like i said

"the good" me deserves to be happy too.

i mourn for us

i know someday soon she'll have to go.

it seems unfair.

she was here first

i was her first

as unfair as it feels

as it seems

as i think it is

i knew she would have to go someday

thats the whole reason "the good" me exists.

shes my ability to live within my community and religion and personal objectives

i know at the end what i want my life to mean

to get there "the low" me has to either change

or be silent

its crazy knowing its the best for me to be someone other than my original spirit.

i mourned her even while its was just her

she was so harshly accepted

if even accepted

i don't blame others

i just wish who i am

when i close my eyes and breathe

wasn't the opposite of what is needed of me.

but it is

and in order to make my life work best

i'll have to believe more and do more

i am hurt

2008-01-24T11:34:00.000-05:00

but its like an unending hurt

when i think about it

i think of more ways that it hurts

and the hurt is based on feeling foolish

foolish because its a pattern

i've decided

i am hurt

what a difference a day makes

2008-01-23T16:33:00.001-05:00

thats the truth on so many levels

i haven't felt this feelin since middle school

it sucked then and it sucks now

worst part is the foolish feeling

like

why does everyone around me know

something i should know

its crazy when it happens like that

i thought i was past this

past being this sensitive

this emotional

this fragile

that i couldn't be told some vital information

i really did think i was past this part

i thought i was older

i thought i was stronger

i thought i was tougher

apparently its just me who thinks this

apparently everyone else thinks

my feelings will be hurt

so much so

that instead of telling her immediately

instead of telling her first chance

instead of thinking its gone too long without her knowing i'll at least send her a text message so that she won't be in the dark walking around thinking he likes her when in fact he like her

i wanna cry

but there is something stopping me

maybe my pride

but i don't remember my pride being activated this way

i remember when it comes to hurt feeling

my pride encouraging a bit of a cry

a long cry

maybe too long of a cry

maybe thats the problem

i be lamenting

but thats just me thinking about all the things that have transpired

and putting them into proper perspective

or what i think of as proper perspective

its true

you really can't please everyone

at some point someone is gonna have a problem with something i'm doing

i've seen it time and time again

i'll be doing my best to make sure things are going smoothly

and in the midst of smooth goings

theres a complaint

a major complaint

well a minor, minute complaint that seems like a major complaint merely on the strength that you are complaining when you shouldn't be

this is so crazy to me

it really is

just yesterday i was deep in my head about my feelings

working them out

thinking about the options

and low and behold

low and fucking behold

you crushin on my sister

and no one thought i should know

not you

not her

not her either

and to hear how long its been

how long everyone else has known

and had a clue

and been watchin me slowly becoming the fool

i guess the goal isn't to just give information when information is available

but to give it when its the last possible chance

do you know how much bullshit this information would have saved me?

he was off my list from way back

i been dumping him as a "FRIEND" since i figured out we were just "FRIENDS"

this is so fucking crazy to me

do you know how many conversations don't make sense now

maybe if'n i would have had this information while i was having the conversation then i would have been able to ask questions that would lead to this all making sense

but now i'm playing catch up

and everyone is looking at me like i'ma explode

but i don't wanna explode

i just wanna...

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way…
I don't know why I did the things I did
I don't know why I said the things I said
Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons they wound sometimes…
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way…
If I could reach the stars…
If I could turn back time
My world was shattered
I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door
I swore that I didn't care
Too strong to tell you…
Too proud to tell you I…
I know that I was blind, and ooh...
Ooohh
If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time
ooh baby…I didn't want to see you go
Ooohh
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way…
If I could reach the stars..
If I could turn back time (turn back time)
If I could find a way (find a way)
Then baby, maybe, maybe
Reach the stars
If I could reach the stars

notice there are key elements to this song that are missing

thats cuz those elements are not in accord with how i feel

just what i have selected to express what i would like to do about this situation

really

if i'ma turning back the hands of time

i'd go back to when i told fucketo that i don't wanna be friends with his ass

and i'd stand by that decision

instead of being a naive

dumb

weak

ass

sucker

thinking his sweet comments meant sweet nothings

taking his kindness for interest

thinking when he says shit like

did you miss me?

and waiting for an answer so that he could say

i missed you.

the sting of the nice dude

the dude that just wants to treat everyone so nicely

and respectfully

and honorably

bullshit

such bullshit

its my fault

i should be bitter by now

i shouldn't be melted by this shit anymore

i should know better than to fall for the okey doke.

when i hear other people complain about their love life

its always what the other person isn't doing

or what the other person is doing

but with me

its always my dumb ass fault

i have to admit

its been a bad few

i used to feel so blessed by love

nothing hit too hard

for the most part

not too too hard

can't say that now

now that i've thought about my past relationships

and past crushes

its been a string of fuckies

i'm so caught in between hurt and pissed

i don't know how to feel

i wanna be true to my feelings

but at the same time i want my feelings to stop fucking me over

speedy used to say "no, she don't like me cuz i don't like her"

i'll have what he's having

i guess my plan of thinking about things for excessive periods of time worked out somewhat in this case

i mean, had i been the simpleton of yesteryear i would have been told him how i felt about him and then i'd really be the fool.

at the same token i knew better

i shouldn't have been in this position in the beginning

let me stop

cuz all i'm doing at this point is getting more and more pissed

i don't like fighting with you

2008-01-22T18:22:00.000-05:00

i can't stand fighting with you anymore

because afterwards there is no make up sex.

true

i enjoy the make up "part"

where we discuss what went wrong.

you admit that it's your fault only after making it clear that i caused it to be your fault.

you are so open

i wonder if you know how open you are with me

sometimes i feel uncomfortable being in your thoughts like that

you are so welcoming and encouraging

i become comfortable within my own discomfort.

thats that fight against myself thing that trips me up.

its true

i like you being around

i know it seems like i don't

thats just me not letting things get to hard for me

this is the point i didn't want to let it get to

where i like our friendship more than i dislike not getting to know the other part of you.

you say things that only makes sense cause you said it

i haven't known you that long

thats what i remind myself

i'm on this take things slow kick

and its working

for the most part

i've been able to slow some things down

with certain people

and other things

with other people

i have yet to be able to slow all things down with one person though

its tricky

i half want you to be that dude

the dude that i thought i liked but turns out we are much better fit to be friends. true friends. friends that love each other. friends that span time together.

i half want you to be that dude

the dude. the dude that is the reward for me learning patience. the dude that is ready when i'm for real ready and not this half ass fake ready i been peddling for thirty years.

i can always see how i can improve upon his life.

thats easy

i hate to sound so lame

but

you the first dude where i can see how you can improve my life.

and in the craziest turns of events

its not financially

but more like

i don't know

well, i do

but

i be bullshitting on so many things

and your bullshit don't be bullshit

it be real shit

and i know if your bullshit can be real

certainly i can make it happen

i mean, i know over the years i have come along way

i also know i've got along way to go

i think in my grown up years i'll stop doing shit the way i did things in my young years.

we'll see how that works out for me

i guess i'll really understand patience when time's rules and lessons don't burden me but remind me.

its not hard to talk yourself off the ledge

its staying off the ledge to begin with

and staying inside consistently

thats the part that takes it toll

you don't take my disagreements as arguments

:)

been on my mind

2008-01-11T15:02:00.000-05:00

i've been frustrated recently. for the most part i know why. and i'm workingon my part. but there are other factors that seem to be out of my ability to let go of. does that make sense? i know that i control what goes on in my world. there are things i allow to control how i chose to control my surroundings. that kind of talk right there causes me frustration

i don't know about this election. but i can say one thing. whom ever gets chosen for the democratic party to be the front runner...they are still going to be going against a white man on the other side.

i participated in a calculator that asks you what you think about the issues then tells you who you would be best suited to vote for. i did it the first time haphazardly and was 96% in line with Mike Gravel (D). who? i took it more seriously the next time and was suited 85% with Mike Gravel (D). exactly.

i haven't decided if'n i'm even vote

normally i do not vote but having the chance to vote a Black man into the white house is so so exciting.

working on doing more and saying less

i hate christmas

2007-12-25T08:48:00.000-05:00

Should a Christian Celebrate Christmas?

There is no Biblical warrant, precedent, nor precept for remembrance of the day of Christ's birth as a day of special religious celebration. This is not to say that we shouldn't remember Christ's birth and its significance, but for religious commemorations or celebrations, we must have Biblical command or precedent! The fact of the matter is this -- the early church did not celebrate Christ's birth, but such celebration only came into the church with the "Christianization" of pagan rites as Catholicism was made the state religion by Constantine in the fourth century A.D. Since the Word of God does not support the tradition of Christmas, a Christian's conscience ought not and must not be bound.

The following outline describes the origin of Christmas (with its associated pagan customs, symbols, and terminology), details the Scriptural support against celebrating Christmas, attempts to show that celebrating Christmas violates the spirit of every one of the ten commandments, attempts to demonstrate that celebrating Christmas does not fall in the realm of Christian liberty, and attempts to debunk eight of the major rationalizations Christians put forth for celebrating Christmas.

I. The Origin of Christmas

A. A Long Evolution -- Christmas customs are an evolution from times long before the Christian period -- a descent from seasonal, pagan, religious, and national practices, hedged about with legend and tradition. Their seasonal connections with the pagan feasts of the winter solstice relate them to ancient times, when many of the earth's inhabitant's were sun worshipers. As the superstitious pagans observed the sun gradually moving south in the heavens and the days growing shorter, they believed the sun was departing never to return. To encourage the sun's return north (i.e., to give the winter sun god strength and to bring him back to life again), the sun gods were worshipped with elaborate rituals and ceremonies, including the building of great bonfires, decorating with great evergreen plants such as holly, ivy, and mistletoe, and making representations of summer birds as house decorations. The winter solstice, then, was the shortest day of the year, when the sun seemingly stood still in the southern sky. Observing the slowdown in the sun's southward movement, and its stop, the heathen believed that their petitions to it had been successful. A time of unrestrained rejoicing broke out, with revelry, drinking, and gluttonous feasts. Then, when the pagans observed the sun moving again northward, and a week later were able to determine that the days were growing longer, a new year was proclaimed.

B. Not Among the Earliest Christian Festivals -- Christmas was not among the earliest festivals of the Church. It was not celebrated, commemorated, or observed, neither by the apostles nor in the apostolic church -- not for at least the first 300 years of church history! History reveals that about 440 A.D., the Church at Jerusalem commenced the celebration of Christmas, following the lead of Roman Catholicism (see I.C.). It was sufficient for the early Christians that Jesus, their Lord and Savior, had been born. They praised God that Jesus Christ had, indeed, come in the flesh. The day and the time of His birth had no relevance to them, because Jesus was no longer physically on earth. He had returned to heaven. And it was the risen, exalted Christ to whom they looked, and that by faith -- not a babe laid in a manger. Jesus Christ is no longer a baby; no longer the "Christ-child," but the exalted Lord of all. And He does NOT somehow return to earth as a baby every year at Christmas-time -- though this is the impression given even in certain hymns sung in Protestant services. (See sub-report.)

C. The Role of Religion in Ancient Rome -- Seemingly forgotten is the essential role religion played in the world of ancient Rome. But the Emperor Constantine understood. By giving official status to Christianity, he brought internal peace to the Empire. A brilliant military commander, he also had the genius to recognize that after declaring Christianity the "state" religion (Constantine forced all the pagans of his empire to be baptized into the Roman Church), there was need for true union between paganism and Christianity. The corrupt Roman Church was full of pagans now masquerading as Christians, all of which had to be pacified. What better way than to "Christianize" their pagan idolatries. Thus, the Babylonian mystery religions were introduced by Constantine beginning in 313 A.D. (and established a foothold with the holding of the Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D.). The Constantine-led Roman Church was more than willing to adapt and adopt pagan practices in order to make Christianity palatable to the heathen. Constantine used religion as a political tool, totally devoid of any true spirituality:

Pagan rituals and idols took on Christian names (e.g., Jesus Christ was presented as the Sun of Righteousness [Malachi 4:2] replacing the sun god, Sol Invictus ).

Pagan holidays were reclassified as Christian holidays (holy-days).

December 25th was the "Victory of the Sun-God" Festival in the pagan Babylonian world. In the ancient Roman Empire, the celebration can be traced back to the Roman festival Saturnalia, which honored Saturn, the harvest god, and Mithras, the god of light; both were celebrated during or shortly after the winter solstice (between the 17th and 23rd of December). To all ancient pagan civilizations, December 25th was the birthday of the gods -- the time of year when the days began to lengthen and man was blessed with a "regeneration of nature." Moreover, all of December 25th's Babylonian and Roman festivals were characterized by 5-7 day celebration periods of unrestrained or orgiastic revelry and licentiousness.

December 25th was particularly important in the cult of Mithras, a popular deity in the Old Roman Empire. Robert Myers (a proponent for celebrating Christmas) in his book Celebrations, says:

"Prior to the celebration of Christmas, December 25th in the Roman world was the Natalis Solis Invicti, the Birthday of the Unconquerable Sun. This feast, which took place just after the winter solstice of the Julian calendar, was in honor of the Sun God, Mithras, originally a Persian deity whose cult penetrated the Roman world in the first century B.C. ... Besides the Mithraic influence, other pagan forces were at work. From the seventeenth of December until the twenty-third, Romans celebrated the ancient feast of the Saturnalia. ... It was commemorative of the Golden Age of Saturn, the god of sowing and husbandry."

In order to make Christianity palatable to the heathen, the Roman Church simply took Saturnalia, adopted it into Christianity, and then eventually many of the associated pagan symbols, forms, customs, and traditions were reinterpreted (i.e., "Christianized") in ways "acceptable" to Christian faith and practice. (In fact, in 375 A.D., the Church of Rome under Pope Julius I merely announced that the birth date of Christ had been "discovered" to be December 25th, and was accepted as such by the "faithful." The festival of Saturnalia and the birthday of Mithras could now be celebrated as the birthday of Christ!) The pagans flocked into the Catholic places of worship, because they were still able to worship their old gods, but merely under different names. It mattered not to them whether they worshiped the Egyptian goddess mother and her child under the old names (Isis and Horus), or under the names of the "Virgin Mary" and the "Christ-child." Either way, it was the same old idol-religion (cf. 1 Thes. 1:8-10; 5:22 -- Paul says to turn from idols, not rename them and Christianize them). Roman Catholicism's Christmas Day is nothing but "baptized" paganism, having come along much too late to be part of "the faith once delivered unto the saints" (Jude 3).

D. "Christianization" of Pagan Customs, Symbols, and Terminology -- Christianity had to undergo a transformation so that pagan Rome could "convert" without giving up its old beliefs and rituals. The actual effect was to paganize official Christianity. "'A compound religion had been manufactured, of which ... Christianity furnished the nomenclature, and Paganism the doctrines and rights.' The idolatry of the Roman world, though deposed from its ancient pre-eminence, had by no means been demolished. Instead of this, its pagan nakedness had been covered with the garb of a deformed Christianity" (W.E. Vine). Pagan customs involving vestments, candles, incense, images, and processions were all incorporated into church worship and continue today.

The following customs and traditions associated with Xmas all have pagan/heathen origins. ("Xmas" is the more preferable form for the day, since it at least leaves the name of our Savior out of the heathen observance.) Naturally, Christians would not keep these customs for such evil and perverse reasons, but the fact of their origins remain -- "the customs of the people are vain" (Jer. 10:3), and should thereby be carefully considered by all who know and love the Lord:

1. The blasphemous "Christ's Mass" shortened to "Christ-mas" -- The Roman Catholic "Christ's Mass" is a special mass performed in celebration of Christ's birth. In this mass, Jesus is considered both the priest and the victim, represented by the Catholic priest who offers Him as a sacrifice each time the mass is performed. In offering this "sacrifice," the priest believes he has the power to change the bread and the wine of the Communion into Jesus' literal flesh and blood, requiring the people to worship these elements as they do God Himself. This is obviously a denial of the gospel, and thereby, a false gospel (a re-doing of the sacrifice for sin -- Heb. 9:12, 24-26; 10:10,12,14). Yet, many who cry out all year long against the blasphemous Roman Catholic system, at year-end embrace Rome's most blasphemous abomination of them all -- Christmas!

2. Nativity Scenes (tainted with paganism) -- Nearly every form of pagan worship descended from the Babylonian mysteries, which focus attention on the "mother-goddess" and the birth of her child. This was adapted to "Mary-Jesus" worship, which then easily accommodated the multitude of pagans "converted" to Christianity inside Constantine's Roman Catholic Church. If anyone were to erect statues (i.e., images) of Mary and Joseph by themselves, many within Protestant circles would cry "Idolatry!" But at Xmas time, an image of a little baby is placed with the images of Mary and Joseph, and it's called a "nativity scene." Somehow, the baby-idol "sanctifies" the scene, and it is no longer considered idolatry! (cf. Exo. 20:4-5a; 32:1-5a; 9-10a).

3. Christmas Tree -- Evergreen trees, because of their ability to remain green through-out the winter season when most other forms of vegetation are dormant, have long symbolized immortality, fertility, sexual potency, and reproduction, and were often brought into homes and set up as idols.

The full mystical significance of the evergreen can only be understood when one considers the profound reverence the ancient pagans had for all natural phenomena -- "To them, Nature was everywhere alive. Every fountain had its spirit, every mountain its deity, and every water, grove, and meadow, its supernatural association. The whispering of the trees ... was the subtle speech of the gods who dwelt within" (W.M. Auld, Christmas Traditions). This is nothing but nature worship or Animism

The custom of bringing the tree into the home and decorating it as is done today has legendarily been attributed to Martin Luther. In truth, the modern custom has been lost in obscurity, but almost every culture has some such tradition. For ages, evergreen trees would be brought into the house during the winter as magic symbols of luck and hope for a fruitful year to come, It may also be that the star with which many of today's trees are topped did not originate as a representation of the star that the wise men followed, but rather a representation of the stars to which the ancient Chaldean astrologers looked for guidance.

The first decorating of an evergreen was done by pagans in honor of their god Adonis, who after being slain was brought to life by the serpent Aesculapius. The representation of the slain Adonis was a dead stump of a tree. Around this stump coiled the snake -- Aesculapius, symbol of life restoring. From the roots of the dead tree, then comes forth another and different tree -- an evergreen tree, symbolic to pagans of a god who cannot die! In Babylon, the evergreen tree came to represent the rebirth/reincarnation of Nimrod as his new son (Sun), Tammuz. In Egypt, this god was worshiped in a palm tree as Baal-Tamar. (Heathen people in the land of Canaan also adopted tree worship, calling it the Asherah -- a tree with its branches cut off was carved into a phallic symbol.) The fir tree was worshiped in Rome as the same new-born god, named Baal-Berith, who was restored to life by the same serpent. A feast was held in honor of him on December 25th, observed as the day on which the god reappeared on earth -- he had been killed, and was "reborn" on that day, victorious over death! It was called the "Birthday of the Unconquered Sun." Thus, the annual custom of erecting and decorating evergreen trees was brought down to us through the centuries by the pagan Roman Catholic Church -- the paganism of Tammuz and Baal, or the worship of the sun, mingled with the worship of Aesculapius the serpent. Whether erected in private homes or in churches, decorated or not, the evergreen tree is a glaring symbol of this false god.

4. Christmas Wreaths -- In pagan mythology, evergreen means eternal life and a never-dying existence. Made from evergreens, Christmas wreaths were most frequently round, which symbolized the sun (just as do halos in most religious art). Hence, the round Xmas wreaths stand for an eternal sun, a never-dying or self-renewing sun. In addition, the round form can also relate to the sign of the female, which stands for the regeneration of life. Because of these pagan associations, the Christian church was initially hostile towards the use of wreaths and other evergreen derivatives. But in the same way it Christianized other pagan traditions, the church soon found a way to confer its own symbolic meanings. For example, the sharp pointed leaves of the "male" holly came to represent Christ's crown of thorns and the red berries His blood, while the "female" ivy symbolized immortality (Sulgrave Manor, "A Tudor Christmas," p. 6). Such wreaths now not only adorn churches at Christmas time, but are also appearing during the equally pagan Easter season.

5. Mistletoe -- The use of the mistletoe plant (which is poisonous to both man and animals) can be traced back to the ancient Druids. (The Druids were pagan Celtic priests who were considered magicians and wizards.) It represented the false "messiah," considered by the Druids to be a divine branch that had dropped from heaven and grew upon a tree on earth. This is an obvious corruption of God's prophetic Word concerning Christ, "the Man the Branch," coming from heaven. The mistletoe symbolized the reconciliation between God and man. And since a kiss is the well known symbol of reconciliation, that is how "kissing under the mistletoe" became a custom -- both were tokens of reconciliation. The mistletoe, being a sacred plant and a symbol of fertility, was also believed to contain certain magical powers, having been brought to earth from heaven by a mistle thrush carrying it in its toes (hence the name). It was once known as the "plant of peace," and in ancient Scandinavia, enemies were reconciled under it (yet another reason why people came to "kiss under the mistletoe"). It was supposed to bring "good luck" and fertility, and even to protect from witchcraft the house in which it hung.

A kiss is also something which is, at times, associated with lust. So the practice of "kissing under the mistletoe" also had roots in the orgiastic celebrations in connection with the Celtic Midsummer Eve ceremony. At the time the mistletoe was gathered, the men would kiss each other as a display of their homosexuality. (The custom was later broadened to include both men and women.) Kissing under the mistletoe is also reminiscent of the temple prostitution and sexual license proliferating during Roman Saturnalia.

6. Santa Claus -- Santa Claus or "Father Christmas" is a corruption of the Dutch "Sant Nikolaas." ("Saint Nicholas" was the 4th century Catholic bishop of Myra in Asia Minor, who gave treats to children; he was canonized by the Roman Catholic Church, "regarded as a special friend and protector of children." The red suit comes from the fact that Catholic bishops and cardinals in Italy wear red.) Santa Claus was also known as "Kriss Kringle," a corruption of the German "Christ Kindl"-- Christ Child. This has to be one of the most subtle of Satan's blasphemies, yet most Christians are unaware of it

Originally, the Santa Claus concept came from the pagan Egyptian god, Bes, a rotund, gnome-like personage who was the patron of little children. Bes was said to live at the North Pole, working year-round to produce toys for children who had been good and obedient to their parents. In Dutch, he was called "Sinter Klaas." Dutch settlers brought the custom to America. In Holland and other European countries, the original Santa Claus was actually a grim personage who traversed the countryside, determined to find out who really had been "naughty or nice." Those who had been acting up were summarily switched. The association of Santa Claus with snow, reindeer, and the North Pole suggests Scandinavian or Norse traditions of the Yuletide season. (In Babylonia, also, the stag [reindeer] was a symbol of the mighty one, Nimrod. The symbolism of antlers worn on the head of a noble leader would demonstrate his prowess as a hunter, and thereby, influence people to follow him.)

Santa is the blasphemous substitute for God! He is routinely given supernatural powers and divine attributes which only GOD has. Think about it. He is made out to be omniscient -- he knows when every child sleeps, awakes, has been bad or good, and knows exactly what every child wants (cf. Psa. 139:1-4). He is made out to be omnipresent -- on one night of the year he visits all the "good" children in the world and leaves them gifts, seemingly being everywhere at the same time. He is also made out to be omnipotent -- he has the power to give to each child exactly what each one wants. Moreover, Santa Claus is made out to be a sovereign judge -- he answers to no one and no one has authority over him, and when he "comes to town," he comes with a full bag of rewards for those whose behavior has been acceptable in his eyes.

Santa Claus has become one of the most popular and widely accepted and unopposed myths ever to be successfully interwoven into the fabric and framework of Christianity. It is a fact that Christ was born, and that truth should greatly rejoice the heart of every Christian. But the Santa Claus myth distorts the truth of Christ's birth by subtly blending truth with the myth of Santa Claus. When Christian parents lie to their children about Santa Claus, they are taking the attention of their children away from God and causing them to focus on a fat man in a red suit with god-like qualities. All of this teaches the child to believe that, just like Santa, God can be pleased with "good works," done in order to earn His favor. Also, they teach that no matter how bad the child has been, he will still be rewarded by God -- just as Santa never failed to bring gifts. Even in homes of professing Christians, Santa Claus has clearly displaced Jesus in the awareness and affections of children, becoming the undisputed spirit, symbol, and centerpiece of Christmas.

7. Christmas Eve -- "Yule" is a Chaldean word meaning "infant." Long before the coming of Christianity, the heathen Anglo-Saxons called the 25th of December "Yule day" -- in other words, "infant day" or "child's day" -- the day they celebrated the birth of the false "messiah"! The night before "Yule day" was called "Mother night." Today it is called "Christmas Eve." And it wasn't called "Mother night" after Mary, the mother of our Lord -- "Mother night" was observed centuries before Jesus was born. Semiramis (Nimrod's wife) was the inspiration for "Mother night," and "Child's day" was the supposed birthday of her son (Tammuz), the sun-god!

8. Yule Log -- The Yule log was considered by the ancient Celts a sacred log to be used in their religious festivals during the winter solstice; the fire provided promises of good luck and long life. Each year's Yule log had to be selected in the forest on Christmas Eve by the family using it, and could not be bought, or the superstitions associated with it would not apply. In Babylonian paganism, the log placed in the fireplace represented the dead Nimrod, and the tree which appeared the next morning (which today is called the "Christmas tree") was Nimrod alive again (reincarnated) in his new son (sun), Tammuz. (Still today in some places, the Yule log is placed in the fireplace on Christmas Eve, and the next morning there is a Christmas tree!)

Today's Yule log tradition comes to us from Scandinavia, where the pagan sex-and-fertility god, Jule, was honored in a twelve-day celebration in December. A large, single log was kept with a fire against it for twelve days, and each day for twelve days a different sacrifice was offered. The period now counted as the twelve days between Christmas and Epiphany was originally the twelve days of daily sacrifices offered to the Yule log. (What, then, are we really doing when we send "Yuletide greetings"? Are we really honoring Christ by sending greetings in the name of a Scandinavian fertility god? These are the same customs being practiced today as in ancient paganism! Only the names have changed.)

9. Candles -- Candles were lit by the ancient Babylonians in honor of their god, and his altars had candles on them. And as is well known, candles are also a major part of the ritualism of Roman Catholicism, which adopted the custom from heathenism. Candles approached the Yule log in ritual importance. Like the Yule log, they had to be a gift, never a purchase, and were lighted and extinguished only by the head of the household. Such candles stood burning steadily in the middle of the table, never to be moved or snuffed, lest death follow. The Yule candle, wreathed in greenery, was to burn through Christmas night until the sun rose or the Christmas service began (Sulgrave Manor, "A Tudor Christmas," p. 9). Obviously, candles should have no part in Christian worship, for nowhere in the New Testament is their use sanctioned.

10. Giving of Gifts -- The tradition of exchanging gifts has nothing to do with a reenactment of the Magi giving gifts to Jesus, but has many superstitious, pagan origins instead. One prominent tradition was the Roman custom of exchanging food, trinkets, candles, or statutes of gods during the mid-winter Kalends (the first day of the month in the ancient Roman calendar). This custom was transferred to December 25th by the Roman Church in keeping with the Saturnalian festival and in celebration of the benevolent St. Nicholas. [Is it not the height of ridiculousness to claim that giving one another presents properly celebrates Jesus' "birthday" (not that there is anything necessarily wrong in giving each other presents)? But what are we giving Him, if indeed we are specifically celebrating His incarnation?]

11. Christmas Goose -- The "Christmas goose" and "Christmas cakes" were both used in the worship of the Babylonian "messiah." The goose was considered to be sacred in many ancient lands, such as Rome, Asia Minor, India, and Chaldea. In Egypt, the goose was a symbol for a child, ready to die! In other words, a symbol of the pagan "messiah," ready to give his life (supposedly) for the world. This is obviously a satanic mockery of the truth.

12. Christmas Ham -- Hogs were slaughtered and the eating of the carcass was one of the central festivities of the Saturnalia. Each man would offer a pig as a sacrifice because superstition held that a boar had killed the sun deity Adonis. Hence, the tradition of the Christmas ham on Christmas Day and New Year's Day.

13. Christmas Stocking -- According to tradition, a poor widower of Myra, Turkey, had three daughters, for whom he could not provide a dowry. On Xmas-Eve, "Saint Nicholas" threw three bags of gold down the chimney, thereby saving the daughters from having to enter into prostitution. One bag rolled into a shoe, and the others fell into some stockings that had been hung to dry by the fire. Hence, the beginning of the tradition of the "Christmas stocking" or "boot."

14. Christmas Cards -- The first British Xmas card can be dated back to 1843. The first cards featured pictures of dead birds! Evidently, the popularity of hunting robin and wren on Christmas Day made the dead bird image an appropriate one for "holiday" cards. Often the text of the cards would also have a morbid tone. Later, the cards displayed dancing insects, playful children, pink-cheeked young women, and festively decorated Christmas trees. The first actual Xmas cards were really Valentine's Day cards (with different messages) sent in December. Mass production of Xmas cards in the United States can be traced back to 1875. Initially, the manufacturers thought of Xmas cards as a sideline to their already successful business in playing cards. But the "tradition" of sending cards soon caught on, leading to a very profitable business by itself.

15. Christmas Carols -- What do you suppose the reaction would be by a church's leaders if its pastor were to propose that the following hymns be introduced into the church to commemorate the birth of Christ? After all, the tunes are quite lovely.

Hymn #1 -- A hymn by a Unitarian minister (Unitarians reject the Trinity and full deity of Christ) that does not mention Jesus Christ and reflects the liberal social gospel theology of the 19th century.

Hymn #2 -- A hymn by an American Episcopal priest, the fourth verse of which teaches Roman Catholic superstition about Christ coming to be born in people during the Advent season.

Hymn #3 -- A song, the words by an Austrian Roman Catholic priest, the music by a Roman Catholic schoolteacher, containing the Roman Catholic superstition about halos emanating from holy people, with no gospel message.

Perhaps you would expect the church's leaders to be very upset. It might surprise you to learn that they were upset when they suspected that the pastor might somehow prevent them from singing them! You see, those three hymns were already in the church's hymnals! The pastor did not have to introduce them. The three theologically incorrect "Christmas carols" referred to above are It Came Upon the Midnight Clear, O Little Town of Bethlehem, and Silent Night. (See the sub-report for an evaluation of some of the most popular Xmas carols found in church hymnals today.)

E. European Xmas Traditions -- In the early days of Christianity, as it moved north and west into Europe, many pagan celebrations were encountered. For example, in the late-6th century in England, the Angles and Saxons were found celebrating Yule. The Christian evangelists thought they would fail in any attempt to rival, suppress, or stamp out such long held customs, so they simply adopted popular dates for their own "special rituals and hallowed services." In other words, it was easier to establish a festival celebrating the birth of Christ if it conveniently coincided with an existing popular pagan feast day. In this way, the pagan peoples (albeit potential converts to Christianity) could continue with their usual celebrations at this time of year, but the reason for the merrymaking could be redefined and attributed to Christ's birth rather than to any pagan rituals. As paganism eventually died out and Christianity became widespread, Christmas became increasingly more associated with its religious foundations than any others (Sulgrave Manor, "A Tudor Christmas," p. 2).

It was left to the Puritans to denounce everything. For them, Christmas was rightfully part popish, part pagan, and was forbidden to be kept as a holiday or feast day. The attack began in 1644 when the Puritans controlled the Parliament; December 25th was changed to a Fast Day. By 1647, even the Fast Day was abolished as a relic of superstition, synonymous with the Church of Rome. No observation on December 25th was any longer permitted, but the day was to be observed as a normal market-day. Christmas was accurately depicted by such names as the Profane Man's Ranting Day, the Superstitious Man's Idol Day, the Papist's Massing Day, the Old Heathen's Feasting Day, the Multitude's Idle Day, and Satan -- that Adversary's -- Working Day. In those days, any Christmas celebrations would be broken up by troops, who would tear down decorations and arrest anyone holding a service. Some who celebrated it in Europe were also thrown into prison. Because of the riots that broke out following the banning of Christmas, the celebrations and revelry were restored in 1660 by King Charles II, a Roman Catholic (Sulgrave Manor, "A Tudor Christmas," p. 3).

F. American Xmas Traditions -- America's settlers (the "founding fathers" of so-called "Protestant America") rightfully considered Christmas a "popish" holiday. In fact, it was only in the early 1800s that several founding members of the New York Historical Society "invented" Christmas. Before then, it was illegal in colonial Massachusetts to even take December 25th off work. Christmas was forbidden as "unseemly to ye spiritual welfare of ye community." (It was banned in Massachusetts in 1659, and this law remained on the books for 22 years. In Boston, public schools stayed open on December 25th until as late as 1870!) It wasn't until 1836 that any state declared Christmas a holiday (Alabama), and then there were no more state declarations until the Civil War. It was not until 1885 that all federal workers were given Christmas Day off. The so-called Xmas customs and traditions were later concocted more for commercial purposes than for religious.

Quoting from a 12/23/83 USA TODAY article about Christmas: "A broad element of English Christianity still considered Christmas celebration a pagan blasphemy. The Puritans, Baptists, Quakers, Presbyterians, Calvinists and other denominations brought this opposition to early New England and strong opposition to the holiday lasted in America until the middle of the 18th century." Henry Ward Beecher, a Congregationalist, wrote in 1874 of his New England boyhood:

"To me Christmas is a foreign day, and I shall die so. When I was a boy I wondered what Christmas was. I knew there was such a time, because we had an Episcopal church in our town, and I saw them dressing it with evergreens, and wondered what they were taking the woods in the church for; but I got no satisfactory explanation. A little later I understood it was a Romish institution, kept by the Romish Church."

II. Scriptural Support Against Celebrating Christmas -- Unacceptable Worship

A. 2 Chron. 33:15-17 -- The Israelites had kept the old pagan form (the high places of Baal), but had merely introduced the worship of God into that form -- a refusal to let go of pagan worship forms (i.e., God was to be worshiped in the Temple, not on the high places). This was unacceptable worship because the right object of worship was mixed with wrong forms of worship; i.e., the mixing of godly worship with ungodly form. Likewise, is not the celebration of Christmas the taking of a celebration established by pagans and for pagans, and then introducing the worship of Christ into that pagan form?

B. Deut. 12:29-32 -- God warned His people Israel to destroy all vestiges of pagan worship that they found in the "Promised Land." Not only did God want to prevent His people from being enticed to worship false gods, but He also specifically revealed that He did not want His people to worship Him in the same manner in which the heathen worshiped their gods. We know, therefore, that our Lord is displeased by practices which profess to honor Him, but which are copied from the tradition of false religions. The command here was to worship God only in His way, i.e., do only what God commands -- not adding to God's commands nor taking away from them. Therefore, is not "putting Christ back into Christmas," worshiping "the Lord your God their way"? Is there any command in the Bible to give special reverence to the Scriptural account of Christ's birth more so than to any other Scripture, let alone even a suggestion to celebrate or commemorate His birth in any way whatsoever? God never intended for His people to be imitators of the pagan customs of the world, but has called us to be separate and set apart.

C. Lev. 10:1,2 -- Nadab and Abihu offered strange fire to the Lord. Is not the celebration of Christmas, with all its pagan symbols and forms, a "strange fire" unto the Lord, and is not this form of worship contrary to what God commands?

D. 1 Sam. 15:1-3, 7-9, 21-23 -- Saul disobeyed God's prophet in order to worship God in his way. Is not the celebration of Christmas one of man's ways of worshiping Christ? There is certainly no Biblical command to offer worship in this manner.

E. 2 Sam. 6:2-7 -- David attempts to transport the ark on a "new cart" instead of using the rings and poles as the Law required (Exo. 25:12-15). Additionally, the "transporters" of the ark were not even authorized to carry it (1 Chron. 15:2, 13-15); i.e., the ark was not only transported in the wrong way, but was transported by the wrong people! Is not the celebration of Christmas the wrong way (pagan forms and tradition) with the wrong people (the heathen of the world join right in with the professing Christians)?

F. 1 Ki. 12:26-33 -- In order to unify the northern ten tribes of Israel, ungodly King Jeroboam set up pagan idols, not in place of God, but as new focal points for directing worship to God. He even instituted a new festival on a new day; i.e., a new religious holiday of his own choosing. Even though the true God of Israel was still to be the object of worship in the new religious holiday, both the holiday and the worship were not authorized by God nor accepted by Him (1 Ki. 13:1-3; 15:29,30). Why? Because the concocted mixture of error with truth constituted false religion! Likewise, is not the celebration of Christmas a religious holiday of man's own choosing, replete with pagan symbols and forms, all under the guise (by sincere Christians at least) of worshiping the one true God and Savior? But does not this worship form and system still constitute false religion, and thereby, make it unacceptable to God? And besides, where in the Bible do Christians have the right to add a new holy day to the so-called Christian calendar, any more than King Jeroboam had the right to add a new holy day to God's theocratic calendar?

G. 1 Cor. 8:4-13; Rom. 14:1-13; 1 Cor. 10:14, 18-21 -- These passages concerning Christian liberty are discussed in more detail under Roman numeral IV. [Christian liberty can best be defined Biblically as "the freedom to engage in practices not prohibited by the Scriptures or denying oneself what is permitted (i.e., a moral choice of self-discipline) in order to be a more effective witness for God." So the question must first be answered, "Is Christmas permitted?"] Briefly, some claim that Paul is teaching that the participation in pagan forms condemns no one, and therefore, participation in Christmas and its forms, even though arising out of pagan idolatry, is inconsequential. However, Paul nowhere approves participation in acts of idolatry, of which the participation in the pagan forms of Christmas comes dangerously close to doing. Instead, Paul is speaking of the liberty to continue in Jewish days of worship/festival that had been previously ordained under the Jewish law. There is certainly no liberty to bring outside pagan forms into the church's worship services. Likewise, there is no liberty to Christianize Babylonian/Roman pagan holy days as special days.

Christians in the first century churches had the liberty to observe Old Testament holy days and feasts (days that had previously been revealed by God) if they were so immature as to do so. The weaker brother, Paul wrote, was at that time not to be censured for continuing to attach some importance to the Old Testament holy days, as a clear knowledge of their abolition in Christ was not yet given to him (the weaker brother). But to observe a pagan holy day is something this passage does not sanction. They certainly did not have the liberty to regard Babylonian/Roman pagan holy days (days that were invented by the devil) as special days. Again, that would have been idolatry, worldliness, and perhaps even a form of Satan worship on their part. Therefore, how can the observance of Christmas Day, or any other Babylonian/Roman Catholic holy day, be a matter of Christian liberty?

Yet when some of us refuse to regard the pagan holy days as special days, we are the ones often referred to as the "weaker brother" in this matter! Are we opposed to such days because we are "weak in faith"? Faith would be defined as believing what the Word of God says about a matter and acting upon it. It was by faith that we stopped regarding pagan holy days as special days. Would we be more mature Christians if we would start regarding such days again? It would certainly be much easier on our families and us.

III. Christmas and the (Spiritual) Violation of the Ten Commandments (reverse order)

A. Do Not Covet -- Children learn to covet the gifts of others, to drool over the Christmas catalog, to drag their parents endlessly through toy stores, all in the name of "the Christmas spirit."

B. Do Not Bear False Witness -- "Jesus is the reason for the season!" is the Christian battle cry to "put Christ back in Christmas," when in actuality, there is not only no Biblical warrant for Christmas, but its roots are in pagan worship systems. Nevertheless, professing Christians lie to their children about Santa Claus, the supernatural, sorcerous false "god" of Christmas, whose "gospel" is one of works salvation along with unconditional acceptance and rewards. Parents lie to their children for years about the god-like character of Santa Claus, in effect asking them to trust in a false god and a lie, and then don't understand why later in life their children won't believe and trust in the true God, Jesus Christ.

C. Do Not Steal -- Christmas spending patterns could never stand the test of Biblical stewardship; i.e., Christians, in celebrating Christmas, "steal" the Lord's resources by ignoring their proper use; lavishly spend these resources on worthless and useless trinkets (in many cases); and withhold resources from those in need, while at the same time claiming to never have enough money to buy good Christian books, pay for home schooling, or buy Bible helps for their children. (Christians could also be helping the spiritually needy by buying and giving them tracts, books, etc.) We "steal" from our families what they need and what we owe them in order to buy gifts for those who don't need them.

D. Do Not Commit Adultery -- At this "special" time of the year, lustful thoughts are actually encouraged; e.g., teens are allowed to go to parties and stay out later, thereby having temptations put in front of them that otherwise wouldn't be there. Christmas parties for adults also encourage evil thoughts through the use of the mistletoe, etc. (According to Matt. 5, such thoughts constitute adultery. At the very least, spiritual adultery is encouraged by the "season.")

E. Do Not Murder -- Envy and hate of my brother (which, according to Matt. 5, is equal to murder) because he has more than me or because he receives a larger Christmas bonus than me, is encouraged at Christmas time. We also tend to spiritually sacrifice our children to the "god of Christmas" via greed, selfishness, etc.

F. Honor Father and Mother -- Christmas gift-giving is not an honor to parents; the term "exchanging" gifts (i.e., giving in expectation of a return) is a dead give-away of the mockery associated with this tradition.

G. Remember the Sabbath and Keep It Holy -- Although we recognize that the Lord's Day is not the "Christian Sabbath," clearly the Lord's Day is to be kept for worship and observed as such. Yet when Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or the day after Christ-mas falls on a Sunday, most churches adjust the Lord's Day to accommodate Christ-mas, usually by canceling the regularly scheduled Sunday evening service. Most of its members are too busy or too tired to attend services anyway.

H. Do Not Take the Lord's Name in Vain -- "Christ" and "mass" are two words that are totally opposite from one another, and to connect the two is to blaspheme the name of Christ. By taking a pagan celebration, "Christianizing" it, and calling it a celebration of the birth of Christ, is most certainly taking the Lord's name in vain. (A good example of the willingness of the professing church to profane the name of the Lord would be the title of a popular children's Christmas concert production -- The Divine Ornament. Imagine, identifying our Lord with a pagan ornament to hang on a pagan tree! What insult! What blasphemy!) In addition, some professing Christians use religion ("Christ's birthday") as a cloak to cover the evils of covetousness, idolatry, greed, immorality, etc. -- all excuses to give vent to evil lusts.

I. Do Not Make Yourself Any Carved Image -- Nativity scenes, "pictures" of Christ, Christmas cards with "pictures" of Jesus, etc., all violate this command. God has given us His Word, not images, to teach us about Christ (1 Pe. 1:23; Dt. 4:12, 15-19).

J. Have No Other Gods Before Me -- The "god of Christmas" is idolatrous! Looking to the Christmas season for happiness, joy, and fulfillment, rather than through a pure, personal, and Biblical relationship with Jesus Christ, is idolatry.

IV. Is a Christian's Decision to Celebrate Christmas a Part of Christian Liberty?

A. Romans 14:1-13 -- This passage is speaking of Jews who were observing the Old Testament Jewish holy days/festivals and dietary laws even though they were now believers in Christ; but they were also judging their Gentile brothers-in-the-Lord who did not observe the Jewish customs. Likewise, the Gentile Christians were judging their Jewish brothers who were seemingly caught-up in ceremonial law. Paul was thusly saying, "To you Gentile Christians -- leave the Jewish Christians alone, because they are not violating any Scriptural commands by their actions (i.e., it's a "disputable" matter [doubtful or gray area] and not a moral issue). To you Jewish Christians -- it's okay for you to observe the Jewish festivals and dietary laws because they were given by God in the Old Testament, and thereby, are considered to be previously approved worship forms, but don't judge your Gentile brothers, because there is no Biblical command for either of you to continue to observe these things." (Actually, it wasn't "okay" [see IV.C. below], but Paul allowed it as an act of an immature/weaker brother [see II.G. above].) If a moral issue is involved (i.e., a practice that is covered in Scripture), then this passage and its application to Christian liberty (i.e., the freedom to engage in practices not prohibited by Scripture) would obviously not apply. And as brought out earlier in this report, the celebration of Christmas appears to be such a moral issue, because its celebration is not only not from God, but is from ancient paganism itself!

B. 1 Corinthians 8:4-13 -- The Gentile Christians, who had been raised in an idolatrous system, were having a problem with their Jewish brothers who were eating meat that had been sacrificed to idols. (Apparently, this was the only "healthy" meat available.) Similar to the Romans 14 passage above, Paul says that eating meat that had been sacrificed to idols is not a moral issue, and thereby, is not prohibited. However, Paul does not say that it is okay to go into the pagan temple itself; in fact, in other passages (1 Cor 10:14, 18-21), Paul specifically prohibits getting involved with the pagan feasts. In other words, it's not a moral issue to partake in the byproducts of a pagan religious system (note, however, that there is no indication here that the Jewish Christians were using the "idol meat" as part of their worship), but it is not okay to partake in the religious system itself (because the corrupt character of the participants would be harmful for believers). Rather, we must be separate from the worldly system (2 Cor 6:14-7:1). Therefore, when items (byproducts) associated with a pagan religious system not only develop religious associations of their own, but have been integrated into what would otherwise be true Christian worship (as the celebration of Christmas has clearly become in our culture), then we should pull away from them so that there is no confusion over our allegiances.

C. Galatians 4:9-10; Colossians 2:16-17 -- Both these passages of Scripture refer to the Jewish holy days under Old Testament law. If Christians were not even to observe the Old Testament holy days -- days that did have divine sanction, for a time -- they certainly don't have the liberty to observe pagan holy days!

D. James 4:11 -- James is saying that Christians may only judge a brother on matters determined in God's Word (i.e., moral issues). If a matter is not covered in the Word, then these are matters of Christian liberty (á la Rom. 14:1-13 and 1 Cor 8:4-13), and he who judges in these areas of Christian liberty is, in effect, judging and condemning the Word of God as being an imperfect standard to which the judge, thereby, refuses to submit. On the other hand, since we have clear Scriptural precept that condemns the things that go on around December 25th in the name of Christ, the celebration of Christmas does not appear to be a matter of liberty, but one of moral conduct.

V. The Right Response

A. Quench Not the Holy Spirit (1 Thes 5:19-22) -- Test all things against the Scripture and line-up beliefs and actions with what is true (i.e., do not treat with contempt the Word of God). If one is convinced that to celebrate Christmas is sin, then he and his family must not compromise with the world or the church by participating in any Christmas celebrations (Rom. 14:23).

B. Avoid Traps of the Devil:

1. Lack of Zeal -- One who never considers why he does certain things, but he just does them because he always has or because his parents always have; one who acts on emotions rather than on facts.

2. Lack of Truth -- One who does things for good reasons and right motives (i.e., plenty of zeal), but not in truth.

C. Realize that Christians Celebrating Christmas as the Day of Christ's Birth Makes No More Sense than Adding Any of the Following Days as Special Days of Christian Celebration: -- (Remember, the Bible's focus on the birth of Christ is for the sole purpose of documenting his virgin birth, his incarnation, and the fulfillment of His prophetic Messiahship. Like the tongue-in-cheek suggestions below, one must also remember that there is no Biblical warrant, precedent, nor precept for the remembrance of the day of Christ's birth as a day of special religious celebration.)

1. Baptism Celebration -- Why not have three days of swimming parties in the summer in order to celebrate/symbolize Christ's three days in the grave? We could even pick a time based upon our speculation of when John the Baptist baptized Jesus!

2. Ascension Celebration -- Why not have one day set aside every year for hot-air balloon rides in order to celebrate Christ's ascension to heaven?

3. Miracle Celebration -- There is considerable Biblical focus on Jesus' miracles (even more than on his birth), so why not have one day set aside every year to celebrate the first of Christ's miracles? And since that was the turning of water into wine (John 2), why not have "Christian" wine-tasting parties?

D. Avoid the Rationalizations that:

1. "Christmas Provides a Festive Time to Share the Gospel" -- One cannot take something condemned in God's Word and "use it" to spread the Gospel; neither will God bless it to spread His Word. Unacceptable worship and the "mixing-in" of unholy/pagan forms is surely not the normal means through which God blesses the faithful. Satan works to blend together his system with God's system, because when unacceptable worship (paganism) is blended with true worship (God's truth), true worship is destroyed. In fact, any time one mixes pagan ideas and practices with the pure religion of Christ, it is condemned in Scripture as the heinous sin of idolatry! God has always detested taking those things dedicated to idols and using them to worship Him. As a matter of fact, this "special time of the year" is probably more a hindrance to the receptiveness of the gospel message than a help. Much of the celebration observed by our contemporary society deludes people into assuming that God is pleased, when in reality, He is offended by false religion, pseudo-worship, and alien philosophies. The ecumenical spirit and a counterfeit "love" under the guise of "peace and goodwill among men," more than likely dulls one's sensitivity to his desperate need to repent of sin and be reconciled to a holy God

2. "Christmas is Merely the Honoring of Christ's Birth" -- Someone says, "I know Christmas is of pagan origin, but I still think it's not wrong for a church to have a special time for honoring Christ's birth." But since when did Protestants believe that Christians have the right to add to the Bible? Is the church a legislative body? Are we to follow the Bible in our faith and practice, or the thinking of fallible men? If we have the right to add a special holy day to the Christian economy, then we can add 10,000 other things. Then we will be no better than the false cults and the Roman Catholics who follow heathen traditions! [Besides, celebrating Christ's birth is a form of worship. But since Christmas is a lie, those who celebrate it are not worshiping in "spirit and truth" (John 4:24).]

3. "All I'm Doing is Putting Christ Back into Christmas" -- The modern conservative cry to put Christ back into Christmas is absurd. As detailed earlier in this report, Jesus Christ was never in Christmas. It's a lie to say He was. He has no part in a lie. When anyone takes the truth and mixes it with a lie, they no longer have the truth. They have changed the truth into a lie. Neither is it possible to take a lie and mix it with enough truth to change the lie into the truth. You still come out with a lie. One may say, "Well, I know it's not the truth, but I'll put Christ back in Christmas and glorify God in it then." No, you won't. Christ never was in Christmas. You cannot change a lie into the truth. It should in reality be called Baal-mass, Nimrod-mass, Tammuz-mass, Mithras-mass, or Mary-mass. Christ-mass is a lie. Why use a lie as a good time for a fundamental truth (the incarnation) of the Christian faith?

4. "I'm Using Christmas to Witness for Christ, Just Like the Apostle Paul Did" -- Some say that all they are doing is taking the "truth" from Christmas (i.e., the incarnation of Christ) and "cultivating" it as the Apostle Paul did (Acts 17/Mars Hill), taking the opportunity of the season to witness to a lost world. This would be fine if these Christians were actually doing only as Paul did. Paul, in addressing the Greek philosophers on Mars Hill, proclaimed to them that their "unknown god" to whom they had erected an altar, was none other than "the God who made the world and all the things therein." Paul was not intimidated by the pagan surroundings and symbolisms, nor did he berate the Greeks for their error, but merely showed them the truth of the gospel of Christ.

But do Christians really use the "opportunity presented by the season" in the same way as Paul used the opportunity of the pagan altar? Do Christians personally stand in front of their hometown public displays of Xmas (Nativity scenes, etc.) and preach the gospel? To paraphrase Paul, do they say: "Men of Indianapolis, I see that in every way you are very religious; what you worship as something unknown, I am going to proclaim to you"? Do they come out of the public schools, where they have just attended their children's Xmas programs, and preach to the attendees about the true God who has been grossly misrepresented in the program they have just witnessed?

Hardly. Even to most of those who understand the true origin of Xmas, this "unique time of year" means inviting unbelievers into their homes to gather around the Xmas tree, to enjoy the beauty of the wreaths, absorb the heat from the Yule log, etc., reasoning that they are only using the pagan forms and the pagan festival season as an opportunity to witness. If Paul meant this in Acts 17, he would have met the people in the Athenian temple or in his or their homes, gathering around their idols that he had Christianized and was now using as a part of his worship. Most of the people who decorate their homes and churches with Xmas trees, holly wreaths, Nativity scenes, etc., all supposedly to be used as "opportunities" via "Xmas coffees," neighborhood "grab bag" gift exchanges, Xmas concerts, etc., are thoroughly convinced that they're doing God a service. And since they are not involved in the crass secular "commercialization" that the world revels in, but have instead "put Christ back in Xmas" (so to speak), they reason that all is Biblical and pleasing to God.

5. "It Doesn't Mean Anything to Me" -- Many Christians who routinely make a habit of picking-and-choosing which Biblical commands they will or will not obey, have likewise carried this practice over into a justification for celebrating Christmas. They claim, "but the Christmas tree, mistletoe, Santa Claus, etc., don't mean anything pagan to me, so I'll exercise my Christian liberty and partake in all of it." Obviously, if one were to take such a cavalier approach to the physical world (i.e., "I can drink rat poison because I choose not to regard it as poison"), it would likely lead to a quick physical death. Why, then, do Christians think they can avoid spiritual harm by ignoring God's spiritual warnings?

6. "The 'Connection' Has Been Broken" -- There are those who clearly recognize the pagan nature of the various Christmas worship forms and practices. Nevertheless, many of these Christians claim that because of the long passage of time from their pagan inception to the present (6,000 years?), the "connection" to paganism has been sufficiently diminished to allow the adoption of these forms and practices into our Christian worship and celebration. While it may be true that most symbols have lost their original demonic meaning and significance in a modern society, it is strangely bizarre and ironic that Christendom seeks to commemorate Christ's birth with the faded symbols of Satan. And even though some of God's people may be naive and ignorant about the source of these things, surely God is not. Can such things please Him? And think about this -- if it were possible to "disconnect" current practices from their pagan/occultic roots, why does Scripture not provide us any guidelines as to:

(a) how much time is necessary for the "neutralization"/disassociation process to occur; and

(b) which of the hundreds of ancient pagan rites would then be acceptable for adaptation into Christian worship (since some are obviously much more pagan/occultic than others)?

7. "There Are Hundreds of Other Items of Daily Life that Have a Pagan Origin" -- It is said, "Such things as the wedding ring, certain clothing customs, the modern division of time into hours and minutes, the names of the days of the week, etc., all have pagan connections in their origins, so isn't it a contradiction on your part to say that their meanings have sufficiently changed while Christmas's meanings have not?" But we are not saying that their meanings have changed. The question is one of using things of pagan origin in our worship of Christ. So we would ask the question back, "Which of these pagan items do we focus on to celebrate the birth of Christ? Or which of these is 'Christianized' and brought into our weekly worship of, or our daily devotion to Christ, as you do with the pagan forms and traditions of Xmas?" The origin and meaning of a custom, tradition, or form does not take on significance unless it is somehow specifically incorporated into, or lined up with, our worship. As we have already detailed in the section on Christian liberty (Section IV.B.), these rings, clothing customs, etc. would be merely the byproducts of paganism, not paganism itself, and they have developed no religious connotations or associations of their own, as have the Xmas customs and traditions.

8. "Baptism (and Circumcision) Have Pagan Origins and God Still Gave Their Use in Scripture, So What's Wrong With Using the Pagan Forms of Christmas?" -- This argument is frequently made by pastors who say that to be consistent, those who would have us forbid the forms, symbols, and traditions of Christmas should also be calling for us to abandon believer's baptism; i.e., shouldn't the would-be banners of Christmas be saying, "Since the ancient mystery religions practiced forms of baptism, therefore baptism is a pagan custom and should be outlawed for the believer in Christ"? This is a strange argument for anyone to make, particularly a theologian (and, in our opinion, reveals a low view of Scriptural admonitions). If baptism were absent from the Bible, as using pagan forms and traditions to celebrate or commemorate the birth of Christ are totally absent, there would then be no Biblical justification for baptism. But God has not commanded us to celebrate or commemorate Christ's birth in any way. He has commanded us to baptize (Matt. 28:19).

E. Abstain From the Observance of Christmas -- What, then, ought to be the Christian's response to this and other pagan and Roman inventions? It cannot be denied that they are pagan, pure and simple, from beginning to end. God gives us specific instructions in His Holy Word: Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen ... (Jer. 10:2). These words are perfectly clear. What rational options do we have as Bible believing Christians?

VI. Conclusion

The very popularity of Christmas should cause the Christian to question it. Anyone and everyone can celebrate Christmas without question -- outright pagans, nominal Christians, and even Buddhists and Hindus. If, in reality, December 25th were a date set by God to remember the birth of Jesus, there is no doubt that the world would have nothing to do with it. After all, God has commanded one day in seven -- the Lord's Day -- to worship Him. Does the world observe it? Of course not. As expected, the world loves Christmas, but hates the Lord Jesus Christ (John 15:18, 23-25). It shuns anything pertaining to true religion. Shouldn't the Christian be just a little suspicious of a celebration in which the whole sinful world can join without qualms?

One way to test the Scripturalness of our practices is to reflect on what we would expect missionaries to teach new converts in a foreign culture. We assume that they would use the Bible as their guidebook. If they could start new local churches without importing American culture encumbered with Roman Catholicism, liberal Protestantism, and crass commercialism, wouldn't it be wonderful? Missionaries who have urged new converts to forsake all pagan superstitious relics have later been questioned about the apparent inconsistency of their own American Christmas customs. Nationals perceived them as idolatrous even though the missionaries were oblivious to that possibility!

When Christmas is exposed for what it really is, this angers people. It angers Evangelical Protestant people! And there is reason why it does so. When the pagan celebration of Christmas is rooted up, and rejected, then what has become a Protestant tradition is, in effect, being rejected! And that is why people become angry. It began as a Roman Catholic holy day, and then it became a Protestant holy day. And if anyone dares show it up for what it really is, they face the wrath of the Protestant religious machine. And these days, that can be very ugly.

Christmas is a thoroughly pagan holiday -- in its origin, in its trappings, and in all its traditions. Perhaps we should contemplate the words of Charles Haddon Spurgeon, delivered in a Lord's Day sermon on December 24, 1871:

"We have no superstitious regard for times and seasons. Certainly we do not believe in the present ecclesiastical arrangement called Christmas: first, because we do not believe in the mass at all, but abhor it, whether it be said or sung in Latin or in English; and secondly, because we find no Scriptural warrant whatever for observing any day as the birthday of the Saviour; and consequently, its observance is a superstition, because [it's] not of divine authority. Superstition has fixed most positively the day of our Saviour's birth, although there is no possibility of discovering when it occurred. ...

"It was not till the middle of the third century that any part of the church celebrated the nativity of our Lord; and it was not till very long after the Western church had set the example, that the Eastern adopted it. Because the day is not known, therefore superstition has fixed it; ... Where is the method in the madness of the superstitious? Probably the fact is that the holy days were arranged to fit in with the heathen festivals. ... We venture to assert that if there be any day in the year of which we may be pretty sure that it was not the day on which the Saviour was born, it is the twenty-fifth of December. ... regarding not the day, let us, nevertheless, give God thanks for the gift of His dear Son."

And from Dr. H.A. Ironside's Lectures on the Book of Revelation (1920: p. 301):

"It is a lamentable fact that Babylon's principles and practices are rapidly but surely pervading the churches that escaped from Rome at the time of the Reformation. We may see evidences of it in the wide use of high-sounding ecclesiastical titles, once unknown in the reformed churches, in the revival of holy days and church feasts such as Lent, Good Friday, Easter, and Christ's Mass, or, as it is generally written, Christmas. ... some of these festivals ... when they are turned into church festivals, they certainly come under the condemnation of Galatians 4:9-11, where the Holy Spirit warns against the observance of days and months and times and seasons. All of them, and many more that might be added, are Babylonish in their origin, and were at one time linked with the Ashtoreth and Tammuz mystery-worship. It is through Rome that they have come down to us; and we do well to remember that Babylon is a mother, with daughters who are likely to partake of their mother's characteristics ..."

And, finally, from Alexander Hislop's 1916 classic, The Two Babylons: Or the Papal Worship:

"Upright men strove to stem the tide, but in spite of all their efforts, the apostasy went on, till the Church, with the exception of a small remnant, was submerged under Pagan superstition. That Christmas is a Pagan festival is beyond all doubt. The time of the year and the ceremonies with which it is still celebrated, prove its origin."

We can summarize by saying that nowhere in Scripture are we commanded to commemorate the birth of our Lord, and God the Father evidently deemed it unwise to make the date known. Hence, it will always remain unknown and is not to be ceremoniously remembered and celebrated. (In fact, as pointed out in the Ironside quote above, God has warned us about getting entangled with any special days [Gal. 4:10]). Notice though, that we are commanded to remember Him in His death (but no special day was specified for this either):

"Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; this DO in remembrance of Me" (Luke 22:18,19; 1 Cor. 11:23-26).

To commemorate His death is Scriptural. Any day of the year will do. To commemorate His birth is non-Scriptural, even extra-Scriptural (Deut. 4:2; 12:32; Prov. 30:6; Rev. 22:19), whether one chooses December 25th or any other day.

If God had desired us to remember the day of Christ's birth, He could have left us the precise date. But if He had, He would have vindicated every astrologer in the past 2,000 years. In occult circles, the anniversary of a person's birth is the most important metaphysical day of the year. The Bible recognizes no such significance. It is intriguing that there are only two birthday celebrations recorded in the entire Bible and they were both those of ungodly kings -- and both resulted in an execution (Gen. 40:16-22 and Matt. 14:6-10/Mark 6:21-27)!

The Apostle Paul says: "But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross [not the manger] of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world" (Gal. 6:14). By itself, we find no salvation in the birth of the Lord Jesus, for salvation was only made possible through His death (i.e., His shed blood) and resurrection. Our focus should be on the cross and our ascended Savior, not in a cradle.

Those who love Jesus should certainly rejoice that He was born and lived amongst us as a man. But if we truly want to glorify Him and bear testimony of who He is, we must stop marrying that blessed gift with the debauchery of paganism. If we want to honor His birth, let it be done as He would have done it: year-round unselfishly serving our fellow man as an unending act of love for our God. Let us put away all of the mixture of pagan customs and take up His mantle and His pure worship, and show the confused world that there is a difference.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY/SOURCES
1. Assemblies of Yahweh. The Case Against Christmas. Sacred Name Broadcaster, Bethel, PA,23 pp.2. Becker, R.F. The Truth About Christmas. Chapel Library, Venice, FL, 36 pp.3. Blanton, Raymond. The Christmas Lie. Highways & Hedges Tracts, Liberty, SC, 13 pp.4. Buday, George. The History of the Christmas Card. Putman Pub., New York, 1954, 304 pp.5. Dager, Albert James. "The Origins of Christmas Traditions," Media Spotlight Special Report Redmond, WA, 1985, 2 pp.6. Dickey, D.J. & Shetler, Earl. "Should A Christian Celebrate Christmas?" Grace Reformed Baptist Church, Vernonia, OR, 10/89: three-part sermon series -- each on a 90-minute audio cassette tape.7. Dossey, Donald. Holiday Folklore, Phobias and Fun: Mythical Origins, Scientific Treatments & Superstitious "Cures." Outcomes Unltd. Press, Asheville, NC, 1995 (paper ed.), 232 pp.8. Elwell, Walter A. (Ed.). Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, MI, 1984, pp. 218-221.9. Halff, Charles. The Truth About Christmas. The Christian-Jew Foundation, San Antonio, TX, 13 pp.10. Halff, Charles. "Is Christmas a Jewish Holiday?" Message Of The Christian Jew. November-December 1993, pp. cover, 1,2 & 7.11. Helgerson, John C. Considering the Christmas Issue. The Church of the Open Bible, Burlington, MA, 12/31/90, 12 pp.12. Hislop, Alexander. The Two Babylons: Or The Papal Worship. Loizeaux Bros., Neptune, NJ, 1959:Second Edition, 330 pp.13. Kohler, John. Our Baptist Heritage. Heritage Baptist Church, Salem, IN, Vol. 2, No. 3, 11/92, 8 pp.14. McCurry, Robert. The God Man Has Made. Heritage Press, Sharpsburg, GA, 8 pp.
15. Nissenbaum, Stephen. The Battle for Christmas. Alfred A. Knopf, New York, 1997, 381 pp.16. Pink, A.W. Xmas . Chapel Library, Venice, FL, 6 pp.17. Schneider, Michael. Is Christmas Christian? Chapel Library, Venice, FL, 15 pp.18. Spurlin, Ed. Where Is The Christ In Christmas. Voice in the Wilderness, Milford, NH, 11/92, 8 pp.19. Spurgeon, C.H. "Joy Born At Bethlehem," A Sermon: Delivered on Lord's Day Morning, December 24th, 1871. Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit, pp. 697-698.20. Unknown. My Lord Has Not Told Me To Do It: The Christian and "Christmas. " Chapel Library, Venice, FL, 4 pp.21. Unknown. 10 Reasons Why Christmas Is Unscriptural. Chapel Library, Venice, FL, 8 pp.22. (Vine, W.E.), Gospel Tract Publications. The Collected Writings of W.E. Vine, Volume 5. Glasgow, Scotland, 1986, pp. 436-439.23. Willcock, Shaun. The Pagan Festivals of Christmas and Easter. Bible Based Ministries, Pietermaritzburg, South Africa, 1992, 76 pp.24. Wilson, Greg. Let's Keep Christ Out of Xmas. Landmark Independent Baptist Church, Homestead, FL, 4 pp.

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http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/Psychology/xmas/celeb.htm

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sylvia brown - licensed electrican

2007-12-18T17:03:00.000-05:00

i was thinking about how psychics charge for readings

and how they say its a gift from God

so, to some, it seems wrong that they charge

so i was thinking maybe they shouldn't work as psychics

maybe they should work as... lets say... an electrician

that way they don't have to depend on their gift from God as their way to make ends meet

or rather

they wouldn't need to charge folks for readings

or for healings

or for any service they can offer

but at the same sense

are these same people who are thinking ill of psychics

are they thinking ill of, lets say, singers

who charge folks to come see them sing

its too much

2007-12-18T16:37:00.001-05:00

i have to stop being so hard on my people

i really do

in all honesty

i just feel like we be

so off

sometimes

heading in the wrong direction

full speed

but i suppose

i don't know

let me just say that i need to stop giving my people such a hard time

i'ma work on that

something has been pissing me off recently

2007-12-18T16:12:00.000-05:00

recently i have been grappling with the whole "talking loud and saying nothing" thing.

thats something that bothers me to my core

when folks do lots of talking

lots of talking

and other folks rally around them

and praise they holy name

like by them talking

they are actually doing something.

the most recent case

after having noticed the extreme amount of people blogging

and writing

and blogging

and writing

with no results

i am seeing how very much people talk

and talk

and talk

with no result.

and i know i am being way too harsh

when i say "with no result"

but it just feels like we just like hearing our own voices

for example

there is this certain gentleman

who has a show on BTR

and dude sounds like an unlearned man

to the tenth degree

but yet he has had nothing but positive praises

and he goes around calling into other people's shows

to promote his show, i think

but still sounding so unlearned

i don't know exactly why he pisses me off so much

but he does.

it may be that when i called into his

we talked

and everything was lovely

but then hours later

HE CALLS MY CELL PHONE

dude called my cell phone

on BTR when you call into a show your phone number shows up on their switchboard

so...he calls my cell phone back

to tell me that i need to be on the same page with him about getting Blacks into public office

and as much as i feel him on that

i had to tell him

i don't agree

WELL

after that point...he basically attacked me

he stopped listening to me

and just went on and on about what he thinks

it had gotten so crazy that i needed to hang up

i told him so

and he told me NO

and to let him finish talking

so i put the phone down, but didn't hang it up

do you know when i came out of the grocery store

HE WAS STILL TALKING

in fact when i picked the phone back up

he was just now asking "are you still there"

wow.

in addition

dude actually said he thought things were better in the south in terms of racism

um...huh?

he thinks the south is better off than the north in terms of racism???

what the f.u.c.k. is he talkin about?

just had to get that out my mind and on paper

definition ownership

2007-12-11T17:00:00.000-05:00

i can't stand when someone

mostly when a dude

refers to me as a feminist.

not because i neccessarily am not a feminist

but because i'm not a feminist
because of the negative conatation that comes with the word

i am someone who notices injustice

and on some occasions i may speak out against it

it just so happens that when in normal everyday conversation

folks have negative understands of the role of girls and women

but i speak out against the deep hatred some people have against my Black men

it don't go down like that on my shift

i just had to speak out against the bad mouthing of a father in his child's presense by the very same child's mother.

imagine that.

but i'm not a feminist

if for the only reason of its negative ass backlash

"oh. i see. you're a...feminist!"

ewww

"oh. i see. you unreasonably stick up for women no matter how very wrong and stupid they are."

ewww

its all about balance

there are cases when bullshit happens

JUST CAUSE SHE WAS A WOMAN

and thats just wrong

its

fucked up

there are so many situations that women are in

not matter their race

or religion

blah blah blah

but its like there is a shared understanding by the other half of the gender pool

"fuck women"

and that doesn't sit well with me

esp

when it comes to Black Women

i would like to ask you to kindly

fuck what you heard

there is a full on attack

so

the first thing i can do is hate it in my heart

injustice

and then my actions will go from there

if you think thats a feminist

screw you

and if you think being a feminist is a bad thing

well you really are screwign yourself

so

screw you

sissy

2007-11-29T08:12:00.000-05:00

so i've notcied that i really enjoy listening to blogtalkradio. some good information and discussions. i was listening to the network yesterday and ended up listening to this white chic who has a show about relationships and the like. i had seen her show before, i think the topic then was something like worst mistakes women make about men. now coming from a white lady, i didn't wanna hear it. white people and black people have different relationships. we are different kinds of people. but yesterday i ended up listening to her show. so i'm listening and she suggests i call in. i didn't really wanna but i did anyway. so i tell her about my rule- never talk to a man about sex unless i plan on having sex with that man. she hits me with the "what are you doing talking about sex with a guy you aren't married to" bam. hadn't been hit with that in a longgg while. i'm throw'd. then she asks if i had ever been married. we get into that. she tells me that maybe i can't get remarried cuz i didn't have the right to get divorced. then she hits me with the "did you and your husband read the bible everyday?" and now its clear. shes a christain!!! didn't see that coming. duh! so instead of clearing it up for her, i pansy up, and am like "YES. we used to read the bible everyday." damn. what am i doing? then she asks something about jesus christ being our Lord and savior, as they always will. and i was like "yes." shit. i didn't know what to do. i was completely uncomfortable. i just wanted to hang up the damn phone to be honest. more importantly, she told me it was my fault that my husband left me and if i had read the bible each and everyday i would have "won him over" and he would have stayed. it was a bit much for me. i know i was ULTRA wrong for not clearing up that i am not christain and more importantly have not nor will i ever take jesus christ as my Lord and perosnal savior. but anytime a christain assumes i am christian, more times than not i won't correct them. i just don't feel the need. i think most christains are clueless about anything other than what they "know." most are really self absorbed. the fact that they can live in a world with gangs of muslims and still not know the basis of the religion, just makes me think so very little of them that i don't care that they're lost and uninformed. even though i feel this way i know i'm wrong for it. as a muslim its like actually my duty to clear up those sorts of things. like clear it up to the point where she would have not only known i was muslim but also what islam is and why i don't read the bible but the Qur'an. yup. thats minus points for me. lame

as the world turns

2007-11-16T00:13:00.000-05:00

the fight is out of me

the fight for all of us

the talking is too muc

and the thinking is too much

and the doing is never enough

i'm done fighting

for people who don't wanna win

i've never really believed in unity

i think its a construct of the powers that be

the devil

in whatever form

to distract us from actually making progress

we so busy thinking we all need to agree on the same thing

the one thing that will set our souls free

and we will never see that day

if we don't unite.

everyone

unite

just saying it sounds stupid to me

there are family memebers that don't agree on the same God concept

but all BLACK people world wide must agree on one understanding to be free

bullshit

so because i know unity is an illusion

the carrot

the island in the desert

i know that we all not gonna be free

there will be casualities

always have been
always will be

so i don't mourn the loss too tough

i do feel a certain saddness that some people never become their own worth

but i don't take too much time for that

it used to comfort me to know that those of us

who are sincere

and blessed

will live our worth

and it still offers me comfort

its just difficult to so easily understand

and adjust

to the notion

that there will be no big hoorah

no global justice spreading from coast to coast

no world wide wrongs righted

thats what i miss in my understanding

in the end we won't get the big dramatic ending

we'll get free

individually

solely

perosnally

intentionally

and thats great of course

but its not the same

as looking around after the big fight

and shaking hands with everyone who cared enought to fight

and toasting our victory

its very interesting what ends up being THE piece to the puzzle

not to say the puzzle is finished

but you do get to the point where you see the picture

even with mostly missing pieces

who would have ever known THE piece would be

learning that people can talk to angels.

see. the laws of attraction. again.

2007-11-14T12:41:00.000-05:00

for the most part i don't like reading. i love learning. but not so much reading. i esp. cannot stand when i take the time to read something and it sucks. but there are those times when i am blessed enough to read something, not even having put up a fight, and it turn out to be exactly what i needed to read at that exact moment. pow.

****************************************************************************

I AINT A ZERO
IMMA SUPERHERO
NOT DETACHED
YET UNHATCHED
BORN IN A WORLD OF HUNGAR AND PAIN
YET ABLE TO MAINTAIN
TALENT EMERGE
FROM A HUSTLA'S SURGE
I CANT FLY BUT IM HIGH AS A BIRD
AND I CANT SHOOT FIRE BUT THERES FIRE IN MY WORD
MY VISION AINT XRAY
BUT HEY I CAN SEE THRU BULLSHIT
WHEN PEOPLE TRY AND PULL SHIT
A CURSE AND A GIFT
MY POWERS ARE TO UPLIFT
FUCK WHAT NOT....LET ME TELL YA THE WHAT IF
WHAT IF YA HAD SUPER POWERS
TO MAKE IT RAIN MONEY SHOWERS
WOULD YA GO TO THE CLUB OR AFRICA
OR GET CAUGHT BUYIN ILLEGAL GUNS HAVIN SOCIETY SLAP YA
SO I FANTASIZE
THEN I REALIZE I KINDA A DREAMER
THE REAL HERO IS THE REDEEMER
AND THE ONES WHO FIGHT
AGAINST THE MIGHT OF WRONG DOERS
WHO THANK THEY RIGHT
MY MIGHTY MIND TAKES FLIGHT
MAYBE MY POWER IS TO SHOW YA THE LIGHT
SO I DONT SUPAMAN THAT HOE
I SUPAMAN THAT DOUGH
ABLE TO FILL MY GAS TANK
WIT ONLY A DOLLAR IN THE BANK
MR FANTASTIC
MY MONEY ELASTIC
STRECHIN PENNIES ALL THE WAY
AND MAKE THRU THE DAY
A O KAY
SOCIETY FORGED ARMOR
MAYBE MY POWER IS TO BE A CHARMER
TO MAKE FEMALES COLD HEARTS WARM,ER
BUT FEMALES ARE MY KRYTONITE
CUZ THEY HURT ME YET I CAME FROM WOMAN
SOME ARE VILLIANS LIKE THE OMEN
SO MAYBE MY POWER IS BEING FLY CUZ IM GLOWIN
FOREVER GOIN
NEVA SLOWIN
TIL MY LAST DAY
WHEN I GO UP UP AND AWAY

Saint James aka Black Superhero
http://www.myspace.com/marz40cal

Brian Nichols

2007-11-02T20:05:00.000-04:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Nichols

i know

i just need to get this off my mind and out into the air

i think the guy they arrested in Duluth as Brian Nichols ISN'T the real Brian Nichols.

it just doesn't sit well with me that a guy would attemp once and succeed once at breaking out of a courthhouse, kill folks along the way, steal SEVERAL cars, just to go to Duluth.

sorry

thats dumb.

he had already attempted it before and it didn't work out that time.

why on earth would he plan again to get the hell on

to only get the hell on to Duluth

did he think only fulton county would be looking for him

after shooting officers of the law!!!!

the man killed a damn judge

and court reporter

and officer

and knocked a few heads around as well

you mean to tell me

he did all this

stole car after car after car

the police were still looking for the first car he was in ALL NIGHT LONG

by then he was on car number three

he did all THAT

to go to Duluth?????????

BULL ASS SHIT

i'm so tired of being lied to

the way they wrapped his story up makes me vomit

he got TALKED to by some white chic about the purpose driven life

who also gave him METH???

made him eggs and pancakes

then he turns himself in???

AND they want us to believe they ARRESTED him???

i've seen cops shoot men for less than that

and he killed like three of their own???

get the fuck outta here

look

detroit is only 11 hours away

after that Canada ain't but a few more hours

or

san antonio, texas is only 15 hours away

after that Mexico

come on people

if they would have caught him in any other state

maybe

but Duluth

he had the one ups on them from the jump

why, oh, why would he throw it all way being dumb?

i don't think he was dumb

i think the government thinks its so easy to convince the people that he would be that dumb

i don't buy it.

and it psses me off that they think i am that damn dumb

*sidebar - the dude they have posing as Brian Nichols plead...what...NOT GUILTY*

*********************************************************************************

update - spoke with a homie and threw this theory by him. he thought of a better explaination to Brian Nichols's crazy ass killing spree then the dummy move supreme. so he contends that the government could have been using Brian Nichols as a mind control experiment. i like it!

RZA on T.I.

2007-10-23T13:21:00.000-04:00

"We all gotta realize that we have to grow up as men, and the things we did as boys can't be done anymore," RZA told The BV Newswire, in relation to T.I.'s recent arrest and imprisonment for machine gun charges.

"Not only are we men in age and maturity but we are also men of stature and everything that we do is being watched and we have to recognize that," the Wu Tang Clan co-founder continued. "One of my security guards said 'Don't you ever buy a gun, because you can afford all the security,'" he shared before I interjected that the price of a gun is far less cheaper than security detail.

"Not when the results are like this, it's nowhere near cheaper," he argued. "You have to have a little foresight."

"I don't know the situation with T.I. and every man is innocent until proven guilty," the Staten Island native said, adding, "I actually think he's a good dude. I don't believe that he really had anything to do with this because he doesn't seem that kind of guy. He wasn't that kind of guy when I met him."

*****************************************

i don't believe it either RZA

October 1st, 2007

2007-10-02T11:40:00.000-04:00

Highpoint Road.

took a right.

tired of going down the same ole streets

wanted some new scenery

greenery

cruising

two pigs to the right

check to make sure i'm legal

stop sign

i'm not

"ma'am. you know i have to write you a ticket for running the stop sign?"

"ma'am? did you know your license was suspended?"

"i'm going to have to take you in."

front cuffs

got a few texts out

jail looking not like a jail

i thought i lived in a small town

not small enough

well, maybe too small

"alright, let's go"

number one problem - poor communication

"i need my headpiece back"

i never been so ignored

i never been so ignorant

go ahead and write me down as non-cooperative

fuck you. stop talking to me.

sign what?

fuck you. stop talking to me.

another charge?

fuck you. stop talking to me

you got all week?

i bet you do.

no signature, no phone call?

fuck you. stop talking to me.

i have to do what?

fuck you. make me

i'm being childish and petty?

fuck you. stop talking to me.

just do what they ask you to do. it'll make things easier.

fuck you. stop talking to me.

i prayed for a miracle

asked Allah to make what i knew couldn't happen...happen

and i knew i was asking for a lot

havin give little

but i needed Him

and i knew it

and it calmed me down at least

and worked

miss quietly screwing all

11 times

on the dotted line

fuck you. stop talking to me.

culprits, of course, white bitch and Black dude who wants to matter

angel, of course, Black female

best part of the whole night

"Ali, lets go, you made bond"

still waiting for my headpiece

"why do you have that shirt pulled over your head?"

fuck you. stop talking to me.

"take her back."

being green

2007-10-02T11:21:00.000-04:00

its not easy holding your feelings back

not saying what you wanna say

well

what you feel

but i've seen what happens when you speak too soon

or really when you shouldn't at all

i've seen what happens when you tell someone you love them and have loved them since you knew them

they marry a prettier you

i've seen what happens when you fall into the trap

gazing into his eyes

ignoring phone calls

dropping everything to be with him

and when its all too much

telling him that you didn't mean to

but you've falling in love

his reply

i'm dating someone else

and i think its serious

i've seen what happens when he treats you right

and you get excited

and things seem to be just perfect

and he asks do you love him

and you can't wait to say yes

then his third wife calls his second wife

who calls you saying he punches during sex

and chokes otherwise

i've seen what happens when what you feel is stupid

so

instead

instead of feeling stupid

and being the fool

which i claimed i don't mind

emphasis on the -ed

i'll be one of those women

who love secretly

privately

you know

the women who love a dude

but never say it

never show it

they just love him all by theyselves

they stay dating

not ever really moving past "so i'll see you tonight"

i know you wonder why anyone would want to live that life

because.

he stays

sometimes its too much to be loved

esp. my love

its better

for him

to just be good company

and a good lay

sometimes you can be too smart for your own good

sometimes you can be too good for your own good

sometimes you can want but never get

sometimes you can get and still want

only in my dreams is this the beginning

2007-09-25T11:59:00.000-04:00

i'm glad they kicked that little white boy's ass.

i hope it becomes an epidemic across the country.

i pray and hope Blacks just start walking up to whities and kick the living shit outta them.

this is a dream i've had all my life.

Blacks just randomly torturing white folks in the streets.

let their blood muddy the streets!!!

if every Black person would just start kicking the unholy shit outta ALL white folks maybe we'd start making things make sense.

America's Cheerleader

2007-09-24T07:44:00.000-04:00

i got my feelings hurt

and its funny

like haha funny

cuz before he was unavailable

i didn't think i cared.

but i knew he was unavailable

cuz he said he was unavailable

and i normally listen when people say things like

"i'm not looking to like anyone right now"

and when he said it

i remembered i'm not looking for any new male friends

and thats what this seemed to be becoming

i had planned on saying something

something definiative

like "i enjoy your company but i'm not looking for any new male friends right now...

but we'll keep your application on file in case situations change"

but he never put in any application

it may have SEEMED like he did

but no

he only came in to pick up the application

never really filled it out and brought it back

which seemed cool

when i would think about it

breifly

and thats all i planned on doing

was thinking about it briefly

but then

we plan and Allah plans...

he tells me more than i wanted to know

about himself

and his situation

and

as i'm listening to him telling me

things that don't make him look too good

to me anyhow

i find myself liking him

huh?

dude just basically told me that he's caught up

and this makes me like him?

maybe ...

no

this is why i continue to desire to leave men alone

and work on myself

i had already decided that me and dude

couldn't be me and dude

but now that i know there is no me and dude

i miss the thought of me and dude

and my feelings are hurt

like i went to bed sad

but what the fuck for?

i KNEW dude wasn't try'n to meet me where i'm at

i'm ready for a relationship

one that ends in marriage

and then divorce

like normal people

and i KNEW thats not what page he was on

he isn't on

so on my end it already wasn't gonna work

and i KNEW i liked him

even though it wasn't gonna work out

and i knew it was only a matter of time

we'd only have a matter of time

so it all seems so silly

that my feelings are hurt

hurt about him being wrapped up in some chic

that he has a right to be wrapped up in

it may take me the better part of this day

to get a grip

but for now

my feelings are hurt

about what i already knew

wasn't going to be.

talk about silly of me.

Jena 6's Sept. 20th

2007-09-20T15:24:00.000-04:00

"669?"

that sounds like a school number

"great afternoon"

"hey Momma."

i don't like to be rushed

and i don't like to be confused

so i took a moment to think this thing through

i was expecting it to be the admin

talking to me about Joe's cafeteria balance

but it wasn't

time to get to the bottom of this

"Kay? Why are you calling me from school?"

"Cuz I missed the bus."

bam.

and there it was.

i started thinking back to getting home from school

and it never seemed to be on my parents.

we took the school bus in the morning

and if we missed that

then it was the city bus.

and we took the school bus home.

period.

i couldn't help but hang up on her.

so that meant Joe was walking home by himself?

poor Joe.

she got in the car smelling like oranges.

and even though i was mad...

that i had to stop what i was doing

and alter the next hour of my day

just to come get Miss I Don't Know How to Get My Ass on the Bus...

it was a strong orange smell

like either fresh oranges

or

some kind of orange scented cleaner

now it was a mystery

that could be quickly solved

"yo. why the fuck you smell like oranges?"

"cuz i'm eight."

that didn't compute

"what you just say to me?"

"just i ate lunch late."

i knew that shit didn't compute

she ate lunch late?

and she missed the bus?

"what's going on with your day?"

failed intentions

2007-09-15T10:16:00.000-04:00

it was my intention to not really celebrate my birthday this year

as i have told most of ya'll

but then September came in

and I LOVE SEPTEMBER

not just because its my birth month

but also because it is the beginning of Autumn

and just a super month period

and i was feeling like

yeah

September

and then i realized

and what a wonderful moment it was

that Stevie Wonder was going to be playing in concert the day before my lovely birthday

how wonderful

so...

even with my sincere intentions to not celebrate my birthday until i officially turn thirty

this has been a Mercy from Allah thus far

the concert was just wonderful

okay

it was amazing

the company i went with to the concert

was very...

timely

and

well, i don't wanna jump the gun

so

i'll leave it at timely

India Irie performed limitedly with Stevie Wonder

his daughter performed a duet with him as well as being one of his back up singers

the man is very funny

very silly

he started on time and ended on time

for the first 30 minutes i just wondered

okay

i was thinking about if my Mother or Father had even seen him in concert

i know my Father was a big Stevie fan

my Mother too

he spoke about Jena 6

extensively

good man

here in ATLanta the sky opened up and released its contents

for the good part of the day and afternoon

but Allah is God

and the weather became a cool night by concert time

and we had good seats

and since its Ramadan i took about three bites outta a half sub and was full

so didn't need to spend much on food

but i will say that it was ONLY Mr. Stevie Wonder that got me back to Chastain Park

boo hiss hiss boo

I am overjoyed

okay

elated that i got to see Stevie Wonder in my lifetime

just

wow

side note - limitedly is so not a word.

I'm sad : ' (

2007-08-26T22:47:00.000-04:00

what is that?

that is officially me being sad.

sad?

why so sad Jolli?

its the same ole same ole

just anonymous.

it seems like my life story

folks will be talking

just chatting it up

some folks know what they are talking about

some do not

but the important thing is

folks are talking

to each other

just chatting it up

then i say something

and...

thats it.

no one has anything to say anymore

it happens to me in real life

and now it happens to me in fake life

well, on the internet.

and it makes me wonder

what is it about me

my opinion

my delivery

my stances

my questions

that do not warrant a response?

being a communications facilitator you can see how this greatly affects me

working with people on how to communicate with each other is never a problem. most times folks welcome our interaction. folks just want to be heard.

but when it comes to just me giving my opinion...

and its not just here on blogspot

my blog on myspace got very few responses

so I'm sad

inside

and now, officially, outside

its not as difficult as it may seem for me to admit i am sensitive

i wish people saw me as sensitive more often

but they don't

they think i'm a hard ass and can take anything they decide to say to me.

i can take it

and give it back just as hard

but it does hurt my feelings

what is that?

just me with my hurt feelings

and what is that?

miss piggy with her titty out

OJ fucking Simpson

2007-08-23T12:10:00.000-04:00

i wanna know why folks have a problem with OJ Simpson.

i was looking up some Bush crap when i ran across an article that compared OJ and Bush as them both being in denial.

then, and this is where i burst, i was on another blogger's (NATIVE SON) page where he stated that he ran across someone saying Mike Vick going to jail makes up for OJ not going to jail.

first of all, why are we still talking about OJ?

i can understand the murder victim's family NEVER letting it go. they wanna harp on OJ even though he was found not guilty/innocent, if thats their way of grieving, thats what they choose to go thru. i think its dumb and crazy, but then again it wasn't my child that was murdered and the person i thought did it was found innocent by a jury of their peers.

but the rest of the country?????????????????

esp. the BLACK PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is their problem with OJ?

what is YOUR problem with OJ????

why has OJ become synonymous with injustice?

OJ of all people.

like this is the first time in american judicial history that someone with money and firm backing got off with a horrible crime.

i love it

i hope OJ DID do it

and thusly got off with murdering TWO, not one, but TWO white people.

i have an inside happy dance everytime i think about it.

excellent idea

2007-08-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

how crunk would you be if method man came to talk to you about drug use?!!

will he also be talking to them about drug dealing??? that seems more relevent.

NEW YORK - Method Man is going back to school.

As part of a plea deal reached following a marijuana arrest earlier this year, the hip-hop star was ordered to visit 15 city high schools to warn students about the dangers of drugs.

The former Wu-Tang Clan member, whose real name is Clifford Smith, “is thrilled to do it,” defense attorney Peter Frankel said Friday. “He’s never been in trouble before. He’s not a stereotypical rapper.”

Smith, 36, was arrested on May 17 after toll-booth workers on the Brooklyn side of the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel reported smelling marijuana smoke coming from his sport utility vehicle. He was charged with driving under the influence of drugs and drug possession after police said they found marijuana inside the SUV.

Prosecutors knocked the drug charges down to disorderly conduct as part of the plea deal.

Sneetches

2007-08-20T08:36:00.000-04:00

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there is a youtube video right above this writing. if'n you cannot see it just start clicking and it should appear. the first couple of seconds there is no sound. but then...boom.

when i first read this book, i had no expectations.

i had read green eggs and ham of course. i really liked that one. i often remind myself that...though i may not like something right now, i am not solid on the point.

after reading the sneetches. i read it again, immediately.

now i don't know much about dr. suess. i don't know if he was a racist or what

but i have seen that special he has on the television which comes on every year during a certain season, i'm not sure. its about the lorax, i think they are called. its a short little dude that "speaks for the trees." trees that had soft pretty cotton on top that an opportunist started using to make all kinds of crap. i really love this special. it spoke about nature being there for the sake of being there. not for the use we think its for.

so with the special and green eggs and ham, i though maybe dude has good intentions.

but, i have to disagree with his intentions on this one.

it seems as though he is promoting the same bullshit garbage that had segregation done away with and racial mixing ramped .

what the fuck were the plain bellies doing sitting around all frowned up in the face about the damn star bellies???

get your own ball.

plan your own parties, bbq, festivals.

what the hell is wrong with them wanting to be accepted by the very bastards that outcast them??!!!??

so much so that they would give up THEIR IDENTITY to be accepted.

aww. i was so sad when i got to the McMonkey Mc Bean part.

dumb asses.

they fell for ever trick out there.

first, thinking they very inconsequential. because they didn't have a star.

why not think that the stars are like a blemish on otherwise perfect fur?

or why not just love the fur you're in?

then they fell for the oldest trick EVER

they became the biggest consumers in an industry built solely to get that cash.

if you had money to add a damn start to your belly

you had money to form plain belly organizations, recreations centers, etc.

the worse part was when the star bellies became plain bellies and the original plain bellies weren't satisfied!!!! damn. so you don't want stars. and you don't want plain bellies. you just want to be like them??? losers. the lot of them.

and i really can't stand behind the notion that the only way for them to be equal is for them to mixed (up)

didn't the sneetches with stars remember they had stars even after their star was removed?

and vice versa

they weren't just different because of the stars or lack there of

their mind sets were different, obviously.

the sneetches make me mad.

i think about the state of my people

and see them all to well as the plain bellies.

i can only hope that dr. seuss was pointing out the flaws of this plan

and not promoting this mentality

the only one who can out on top was McBean

the sneetches lost their identity in exchange for social harmony.

how big was that beach?

clearly not enough room for the stars to do their thing and the plains to do theirs.

i see this as focusing on the wrong solution

modern day marvel

2007-08-19T11:49:00.000-04:00

i have this problem. when i go to the movie theatre with another person, i generally want to watch the same movie they are watching. sometimes there isn't a movie out that i want to see, so i just go with the flow. this happened to me regarding Blue Streak and Life. lets concern ourselves with Blue Streak for the moment. Life is another post. Dave Chappelle was horrible. he so much reminded me of why i don't like martin lawrence and why i didn't want to see Bue Streak. just cooning. not at all funny to me, just lame. i was sad to see another Black comedian follow in martin's footsteps. so from then on, Dave Chappelle was on my list.

had to be YEARS later. i'll check imdb soon enough. i saw him again...on his own show! i was amazed. why on earth would comedy central give him his own show? what had they seen in Mr. Chappelle that flew over my head? but then i remembered that television networks don't give people their own show to uplift the people. duh. so i ignored it.

and i didn't have cable.

then Allah stepped in. we got special cable. thank you Allah.

and i came up on it. i can't remember the first show i saw, but it was astounding! he made some very important points to Black people and then separately to the rest of America. and he was completely and totally witty. something that will get me every time. i became a fan of his work. i cannot say i watched every episode. even though i wanted and still want to. if i had them on DVD then i would. but i willnot become slave to television programming.

but from what i've seen...great job man.

and then he did something that even furthered my admiration for him.

he dipped.

got the hell outta dodge.

and then came back and told us he was losing his sanity and had to take a break in order to maintain it.

and he admitted he was...MUSLIM

go Dave, go Dave, go Dave

I have a soft spot for mental health. other than our phyical health and spiritual health, its all we have. and i really do believe that our mental health is far more important than our physical health, for with our minds we can control our bodies. but our soul should steer the whole ship.

so for fighting the good fight...for our People

and fighting the good fight...within his own self

i admire and respect Brother Dave Chappelle.

my thoughts on Ms. Hill coming soon

along with Mos Def

Dave Chappelle's Wikipedia entry

2007-08-19T11:48:00.000-04:00

David Khari Webber Chappelle (born August 24, 1973) is an American stand-up comedian, satirist and actor. In 2003, he became known for his popular sketch comedy television series, Chappelle's Show.

Chappelle was born in Washington, D.C.[2] His father, William David Chappelle III, was a professor at Antioch College in Yellow Springs, Ohio.[2] His mother, Yvonne K. Reed, was a professor at Howard University and the University of Maryland and is also a Unitarian Universalist minister.[3] During young Chappelle's formative years, his comic inspiration came from various comedy idols, particularly Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor.[4]
After his parents separated, Chappelle stayed in Washington with his mother while spending summers with his father in Ohio. He attended Deal middle school and was famous for his comedic antics. In June 1991, he graduated from Washington's Duke Ellington School of the Arts, a renowned performing arts high school, where he majored in theatre arts.[1]
His stand-up comedy career started at the age of 14 performing in Washington, D.C.'s comedy circuit. After graduating from high school, Chappelle moved to New York City to pursue his stand-up comedy career. He gathered the courage to perform at Harlem's famed Apollo Theater in front of the infamous "Amateur Night" audience. The performance resulted in him being booed off the stage. Chappelle has described the experience as the moment that gave him the courage to continue his show business aspirations.[1] He quickly made a name for himself in the New York City comedy circuit, even performing in the city's parks. At the age of 19, Chappelle made his film debut as "Ahchoo" in Mel Brooks's Robin Hood: Men in Tights. That same year, he had a small but showy role in the film Undercover Blues. On the strength of his performances in these films, Chappelle was offered the role of Bubba in Forrest Gump, which was in a pre-production stage. Not realizing the impact this future Best Picture Oscar would have, and concerned about what seemed to be a racially-demeaning character, he turned down the part. He has since admitted to regretting the decision.[5] Chappelle played another supporting movie role in 1994's little-seen Getting In.
He attracted the attention of TV network executives with his guest appearance in an episode of ABC's highly rated sitcom Home Improvement. The storyline had Chappelle and real-life friend comedian Jim Breuer ask Tim Taylor for advice on their girlfriends. The characters' single outing in the episode proved so popular that ABC decided to give them their own spin-off sitcom titled Buddies. However, after taping a pilot episode, Jim Breuer was fired and replaced with actor Christopher Gartin. Buddies premiered in March 1996 to disappointing ratings. The show was cancelled after only four episodes out of thirteen that were produced. Nine years later, in May 2005, ten of the episodes were released on a single-disc DVD to capitalize on Chappelle's new-found fame.
He later appeared as the nightclub comedian in The Nutty Professor starring Eddie Murphy, one of his major comedic influences. He also had minor roles in Con Air and Martin Lawrence's Blue Streak. He co-wrote (with Neal Brennan) and starred in Half Baked, a cult film about a group of pot-smoking best friends trying to get their friend out of jail.
Chappelle appeared as himself in an episode of The Larry Sanders Show, in which he and the executives of the show's nameless television network satirized the treatment that scriptwriters and show creators were subject to, as well as the executives' knee-jerk stereotyping when it came to race. In 1998, he played a supporting role as Tom Hanks' character's friend and confidant in You've Got Mail.
Chappelle's Show
Main article: Chappelle's Show
In 2003, Chappelle debuted his own weekly sketch comedy show on Comedy Central called Chappelle's Show. The show parodied many aspects of American culture including racial stereotypes, politics and pop culture. Along with comedy skits, the show also featured musical performances by mostly hip-hop and soul artists. Chappelle's pointed social and political commentary quickly helped the show garner critical and commercial success as well as controversy.[6] Richard Pryor, one of Chappelle's comedic influences, was a fan of the show and stated that he had "passed the torch" to Chappelle.[7] He received two Emmy nominations for the show.[8]
Additionally, the DVD set, Chappelle's Show Season One Uncensored!, became the best-selling DVD of a television show to date, overtaking the previous best-selling, The Simpsons first season DVD. It had sold over 3 million copies.[9] Due to the show's popularity, Comedy Central's parent company Viacom reportedly offered Chappelle a $55 million contract (giving Chappelle a share of DVD sales) to continue production of Chappelle's Show for two more years while allowing him to do side projects. Chappelle had stated that sketches are not his favorite form of comedy, and that the characteristics of the show's format were somewhat like short films.
Season 3 turbulence
In a June 2004 stand-up performance in Sacramento, California, Chappelle walked off the stage after berating his audience for constantly shouting "I'm Rick James, bitch!", which became a catchphrase from the popular "Rick James sketch". After a few minutes, Chappelle returned and continued by saying "The show is ruining my life." He stated that he disliked working "20 hours a day" and that the popularity of the show was making it difficult for him to continue his stand-up career which was "the most important thing" to him. He also told the audience:
“
You know why my show is good? Because the network officials say you're not smart enough to get what I'm doing, and every day I fight for you. I tell them how smart you are. Turns out, I was wrong. You people are stupid.[10]
”
In May 2005, Chappelle stunned fans and the entertainment industry when he abruptly left during production of the third season of Chappelle's Show. Chappelle has since stated that he was unhappy with the direction the show had taken, claiming pressure from network executives regarding the show's content. Chappelle left the United States to visit South Africa. His decision to visit South Africa while leaving the public in the dark regarding the details about his absence triggered reports of drug problems. On May 14, Chappelle gave an interview to Time Magazine's South African bureau chief. Chappelle denied any drug or mental problems though he did have a 40 minute session with a psychiatrist. Chappelle stated that his reasons for visiting South Africa were to reflect on his life and career
Return
Later in the year, Chappelle had returned home to Ohio[12] and performed impromptu stand-up shows in Los Angeles.[13][14] He then went on a tour which began in Newport, Kentucky which is not far from his Ohio home.[15] He also made a surprise appearance on HBO's Def Poetry where he performed two poems, titled Fuck Ashton Kutcher and How I Got the Lead on "Jeopardy!."[16] He was interviewed for Inside the Actors Studio on December 18, 2005 at Pace University's Michael Schimmel Center for the Arts. The show premiered on February 12, 2006.[17] Chappelle stated that the death of his father in 1998 had an impact in his decision to go to South Africa. By throwing himself into his work, he had not taken a chance to mourn his father's death. He also said the rumors that he was in drug or psychiatric treatment only persuaded him to stay in South Africa.[1]
He was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey on her show on February 3, 2006 in his first televised interview since his departure from Chappelle's Show. He stated in the interview that he "wasn't crazy" but the environment was "incredibly stressful".[18] He continued:
“
I would go to work on the show and I felt awful every day, that's not the way it was. ... I felt like some kind of prostitute or something. If I feel so bad, why keep on showing up to this place? I'm going to Africa. The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.
”
Chappelle also admitted to Oprah that he felt some of his sketches were "socially irresponsible". [19][20] He singled out the "pixie sketch" in which pixies appear to people and encourage them to reinforce stereotypes of their races. In the sketch, Chappelle is wearing blackface and is dressed as a character in a minstrel show.[21] According to Chappelle, during the filming of the sketch, a white crew member was laughing in a way that made him feel uncomfortable and made him rethink the show.[19][20] Chappelle said "it was the first time I felt that someone was not laughing with me but laughing at me."[19]
During these interviews, Chappelle did not rule out returning to Chappelle's Show to "finish what we started", but promised that he would not return without changes to the production, such as a better working environment. He also stated he would like to donate half of the DVD sales to charity.[22] Chappelle expressed disdain at the possibility of his material from the unfinished third season being aired, saying that to do so would be "a bully move", and that he would not return to the show if Comedy Central were to air the unfinished material.[20] On July 9, 2006, Comedy Central aired the first episode of Chappelle's Show: The Lost Episodes. An uncensored DVD release of the episodes was made available on July 25.
Chappelle has stated that he has no intention of leaving Yellow Springs, Ohio, his current residence. "Turns out you don't need $50 million to live around these parts, just a nice smile and a kind way about you. You guys are the best neighbors ever", he stated at a blues and jazz festival in the town in mid-September 2006, "That's why I came back and that's why I'm staying."[23]
On April 15, 2007, Chappelle shattered the Laugh Factory's endurance record by performing on the comedy club's stage for six hours and seven minutes.
Rick James biopic
In June 2004, based on the popularity of the "Rick James sketch", it was announced that Chappelle was in talks to portray Rick James in a biopic from Paramount Pictures.[24] But James disagreed with the proposed tone of the film and put a halt to the talks.[25]

[edit] Block Party
Chappelle was the subject of the Michel Gondry-directed documentary Dave Chappelle's Block Party which chronicles a Chappelle-hosted event in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn on September 18, 2004. The highlight of the event was the reunion of popular '90s rap group The Fugees. Chappelle toured several cities in February and March 2006 to promote the film under the moniker "Block Party All-Stars featuring Dave Chappelle". Universal Pictures' genre division Rogue Pictures released the film in the United States on March 3, 2006.

[edit] Other works
Chappelle has appeared in commercials for Right Guard, Coke, and Pepsi. Chappelle appeared on Talib Kweli's album Reflection Eternal performing the voices of Nelson Mandela and Rick James. He also appeared on Prince Paul's album Politics of the Business and on mixtapes by Talib Kweli and 50 Cent.

[edit] Personal life
In 1998, Chappelle converted to Islam. He told Time Magazine in a May 2005 interview, "I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way."[11]
Chappelle has commented on being a computer and video game enthusiast, some of his favorites being World of Warcraft, NBA Street, Street Fighter and Grand Theft Auto. He has paid homage a few different times to various video games. One was to Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, in which he plays the main character, who steals a car to go to work. Another was to the game Street Hoops, in which he challenges and beats a child with cancer. In a sketch about a posthumous Tupac Shakur song, a lyric mentions "run up in yo' spot like CJ from San Andreas."
He lives with his wife Elaine and two sons (one is named Sulayman)[26] on a 65-acre (26-hectare) farm just outside Yellow Springs, Ohio.[15] When he is not touring or engaged in filming for television or the big screen, Chappelle can be seen in the shops and markets of the small college town known as a countercultural center.

Chappelle likes to skateboard as a hobby and says he tries to find skateparks in the cities he performs in. He made an appearance skateboarding in the Signature Video Magazine Volume 1. The video features a short clip of Dave skating at Project 58 in Raleigh, North Carolina. He made another appearance skating on the first episode of Chappelle's Show during the closing credits.
Chappelle is also capable of playing two jazz standards, "'Round Midnight" and "Misty," on piano, as seen in his film Block Party and the television series Iconoclasts.

Television works
1995: Buddies
2000: Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly
2004: Dave Chappelle: For What It's Worth
2003-2006: Chappelle's Show

Filmography
Year
Film
Role
Notes
1993
Undercover Blues
Ozzie
Men in Tights
Ahchoo
1994
Getting In
Ron
1996
Joe's Apartment
Cockroach
voice only
The Nutty Professor
Reggie Warrington
1997
Damn Whitey
Dave
short film
Bowl of Pork
Black Forrest Gump
short film
Con Air
Joe 'Pinball' Parker
The Real Blonde
Zee
1998
Woo
Lenny
200 Cigarettes
taxi driver
You've Got Mail
Kevin Jackson
Half Baked
Thurgood Jenkins/Sir-Smoke-a-Lot
also co-writer
1999
Blue Streak
Tulley
2000
Screwed
Rusty P. Hayes
2002
Undercover Brother
Conspiracy Brother
2005
Dave Chappelle's Block Party
Himself

From David Banner...

2007-08-17T08:20:00.000-04:00

To all the black ?so called leaders?. Al, Oprah, Jesse, etc, etc, etc? I?m saddened by your current direction and current “pet projects” you guys have taken under your wing at the expense of Young Black America. As an urban professional living in this crazy world, I dare ask, who are you leading? I listen to what you say, I hear you complain about the youth, and about the direction of our lives, the kids, and where Black America is going and yet I still ask? who are you guys leading? And most importantly, where are we going? Do we know the goal we are trying to reach before we get there? Have we identified our end before articulating our means to an end! Who are you REALLY reaching? Why do you feel the need to attack the young generation for the things we are doing? "WHO DID WE LEARN THESE THINGS FROM? We are trying to have fun in the midst of our traumatic circumstances. People are trying to make a living by any means necessary, people are voicing their experiences, people are speaking the truth about situations and honestly the truth hurts and sometimes it’s ugly. If music/hip hop/ rappers are wrong with the language they use, the images they portray in their videos? then come talk to us ? I use the term “us” as a collective because I’m defending what I have a passion for so this also involves me. Pull us to the side and say “hey kids, that’s not the way to go” and then we can say “change what we see daily so we can sing and rap about the roses and not about the bullets”. We will say, help give us better situations to create better verbal material?. Don’t just go running off to the media to air the dirty laundry of the family and not expect us to fight back in some kind of way. What you are doing is wrong and it’s pissing off a lot of people with less money and camera time! Young Black America’s problem is not Hip Hop or the music, Young Black America’s problem is Old White America. In the young black community, there is a growing level of resentment toward the “so called leaders” because you guys DON?T WANT TO REALLY FIX OUR PROBLEMS. You guys don’t really want to be on our side fighting for better school systems, more after school programs, more money for college funding! Where are you leaders at when there’s a need to break down to freshman in college on how not to get caught up with credit cards by singing up for an MBNA card, with high interest rates that eventually screw up your credit and makes it that much harder for you to become a homeowner after you graduate college pending you can find a job in your field after you’ve spent all this money in student loans! Where are those seminars? Dubois had it right when he spoke of the Talented Tenth! Rally around us to help teach us about THIS life! It’s not our fault that the world is messed up and filled with debauchery. It’s not our fault that our communities are screwed! The problems in our community should not fall on our lap. And if you begin to hold us accountable for simply our words then I will begin to hold you accountable for your actions; or lack there of. Right is right and wrong is wrong. You as our leaders should have taken a better approach to gaining the attention of those that you are dissatisfied with and had a conversation with them. You don’t scold your child in public without fair warning! Al Sharpton: You run around towns and cities speaking Words of wanting to better our community by cleaning up the airwaves. You hold rallies in front of radio stations saying turn off the music and clean the airwaves. You want to shut down local stations that are playing urban music when most of these local stations house and employ the same people in your community? The black community. When you visit any station in any city (big or small) playing urban/rap music, the staff is generally black. Now if those stations were to ever shutdown, where do those employees go? Al, if you are for the people, where was your rally when the 3 college students were executed in New Jersey by black men. Where is the rally at for those families and that neighborhood??? I don’t see you out there asking for justice yet that incident happened in a black community. If someone was to rap about how f**** up black on black crime is and how even if you go to college you aren’t safe on the streets and “niggas aint s---“ that kind of tone is offensive to you and you want to stop that! If that’s the truth, then why are you censoring it? No, you need to stop the crime before it happens so that there is no gangster song about a gangster situation. Oprah: You recently you held a town hall meeting dedicating 2 days of talk to have an open forum about the “Nappy Headed Ho” comment from Imus. Everyone had their 2cents to say and yet the people that needed to REALLY be there were not at all on your panel of “experts”. The questions all were about? why use the word ho or b**** or nigga etc? yet the rappers in question ala Nelly, Snoop, Ludacris weren’t anywhere present on your panel. In my eyes you had all the wrong people on there representing and speaking on behalf of other people. Common is great but he’s not gangsta. If you had a problem with the true content of rap songs then where were those that do that kind of rap 100%? You want to talk about change, and about having us not call women in rap songs “bitches” and “hoes” but one thing I noted, you had all men on your panel of executives. Russell is wonderful but he’s not the Zenith when it comes to new school rappers or their new school mentality. Kevin Liles is great but what happened to Sylvia Rhone the head of the label that Nelly is signed to, or Kathy Hughes the head of Radio One or Deborah Lee the head of BET. If the problem really was about women and the “bitch, ho” term being used, where were those ladies to speak on their stance on this issue! They are the ones with the ultimate say pulling all the strings and yet they weren’t dully noted as absent from your panel! Oprah you are suppose to protect us, I can find more harm being done to the black community by the movies and sponsors you promote than any rap song. Just like your son or daughter, niece or nephew,rappers are just kids growing into their own. They aren’t always right, but they aren’t always wrong either. If our path is misguided, then help us get back on the right road. I’m young, I’m black, and I’m a hard worker. I’m from the hood where mother’s leave their kids in the hands of strangers and never look back, I’ve been with killers, dope dealers, b******, , church folk, grandparents, bad parenting from good parents, pushers, junkies, robbers, middleclass workers, but that’s the life I’ve been around. Gunshots and church hymns usually go hand in hand in most neighborhoods. The grim reality for a lot of kids out there living alone is that life is harsh and cold; kids grow up faster than they want to because they are forced too! Kids are growing up in situations that are f***** up. So the songs we listen to mirror the things we see, the things we dream about and the fantasies we have! Don’t change the songs I listen to, change the circumstance from which it comes from---then the situation will be better! Growing up in this world of hip hop it’s disheartening to see our “so called leaders” leave us out to dry. Fine you don’t like what we say. Fine disagree with our choice of topics; however, the things we talk about aren’t new. We didn’t invent the term pimps, pushers, hoes, tricks, doobies, nigga’s and gangsta’s. Hip Hop didn’t create that. Those words were left here for us to use by you guys, your generation. This life we are continuing to live was handed to us by the people before us who didn’t do much to clean it up. There may Never be a time that we agree on anything, but there is always room for change. As a family we will agree to disagree but it’s the synergy in which we do it. If you are on one extreme tangent, and I’m on another, we will never meet eye to eye. At the same time, I will not allow you to bash, yell, condemn, and have a condescending tone on my source of refugee and happiness. As you leaders call out the hip hop community saying that we are wrong for what we do and how we do it, I am CALLING EACH OF YOU OUT saying you are wrong for what you are doing to us. How dare you guys not call Nelly, Snoop, Lil Wayne, David Banner, Jim Jones, Akon, Rick Ross, Fabulous, 50 cent, Young Buck, Bun B, Too Short and say lets talk this through. Do you even know who ANY of these people are??????? You are so disconnected from us that we don’t even look at you for guidance. If you really want to change something, start by changing your dialogue. Don’talk at us, talk to us!

-DAVID BANNER

My interview with Nina Simone

2007-08-07T22:21:00.000-04:00

I have always had the opinion that artists believe what they sing. Disregarding if they have personally written the song or not, they believe what they are singing on some level. And isn’t singing just talking with music and rhythm? So…

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with the exalted Nina Simone for a little back and forth. Her Highness was gracious enough to conduct the interview at my home- a stipulation for all my interviews. She is in town visiting her sisters, Frances and Dorothy. As we sat in my home office, the air seemed different. I could get used to this special yet common presence. I tell you, if’n ever I were going to be a celebrity impersonator…I chose her. Dr. Nina Simone

Jolli Ali ~
Great morning, Ms. Simone. Does your family call you Nina?

Nina Simone ~
I’m so carefree. Oh yeah. [ I ] pay [that] no mind.

Jolli ~
I just recently found out you were married, twice. Once briefly. The other not so briefly, with a bonus.

Dr.. Simone ~
Marriage ain’t for me. I’ve been through too many blue years. Facing reality is often hard to do. Cookin dinner, watching tv. I love dancing, singing. I gotta sing my song. I’m not willing to stop being me. You've got to learn from hard experience. And listen to advice. Marriage is for old folks.

Jolli ~
(laughing) You wouldn’t consider yourself an old lady at the age of 69?

Dr.. Simone ~
I’m exploding with youth and zest! I am blessed with happinessAnd I'm done with loneliness. I, who cried to the moon, see only sunshine.

Jolli ~
What brought you to this point? In your songs you often sang of dissatisfaction regarding your love life as well as with society.

Dr.. Simone ~
You've got to learn to be much stronger. At times your head must rule your heart.

Jolli ~
So you’re saying those of us who are unhappy with our lives, it is due to our weaknesses?

Dr. Simone ~
Of this I’m sure.

Jolli ~
Was it your strength that moved you to the south of France?

Dr. Simone ~
My father always promised us that we would live in France. I live in Paris now, my children dance and dream hearing the ways of a miner's life in words they've never seen.

Jolli ~
So it was always kind of in the works for you? Some say for you to be such an activist in the sixties, you leaving felt like abandonment.

Dr. Simone ~
[That] thinking’s crazy. This is a man who thinks with his heart, his heart is not always wise. This [country] you’ll forgive and forgive and help to protect as long as you live. [That] thinking’s crazy. People laugh…their whispering… they point… [ I ] keep on walking and don’t pay em no mind. See, that’s just the trouble. They’ll learn in time. There is a beautiful land where all your dreams come true. But it's not easy to find. They’ll learn in time. But that’s just the trouble. Where do you go when you don’t even know what it is you desire? Listen. I want you to know life has its problems. [There] is a man who stumbles and falls but this is a man who tries.

Jolli ~
So you don’t think this country and our plight is worth you staying and fight the good fight?

Dr. Simone ~
Its not cause I wouldnt, Its not cause I shouldnt, and, you know though well, its not cause I couldn’t…What am I doing? (pause) Can you see it? Can you feel it?

Jolli ~
Yes. But I choose to stay and fight.

Dr. Simone ~
You’re too damn lazy, that’s it! This whole country is full of lies. Why don’t you see it? What don’t you feel it? When everything goes wrong, leave. It’s a new dawn, a new day.

Jolli ~
Run?

Dr. Simone ~
You understand me now.

Jolli ~
So you have no qualms about having left pretty much permanently?

Dr. Simone ~
Sometimes I find myself regretting some little foolish, simple thing that I've done. My intentions are good.

Jolli ~
It seems this interview has taken a tone. I want to get it back whence it came. How is your health these days?

Dr. Simone ~
I’m feeling good. It’s a new life for me. You know what I mean. This old world is a new world and a bold world for me.

Jolli ~
Just from listening to your music you can tell you went through a period when it wasn’t such sunshine and bubbles. At 69, how’d you get that smile on your face and skip in your step?

Dr. Simone ~
Years come and go. Sometimes the tears flow and the memories fade. I used to reminisce, as people often do. But it’s just the past. You spread yo wings and take the sky.

Jolli ~
Just like that.

Dr. Simone ~
Follow my lead.

First article I wrote for an online magazine

2007-08-07T19:02:00.000-04:00

think I was in my car when I heard the news… I had to pull over. Thank Allah I had just gotten a cell phone; But who to call so that I could properly vent my growing frustration over the continual disappointments this society affords us? I had the perfect person; in fact, she was already on my speed dial. "Krystal! Do you know George W. Bush is going to be at Coretta Scott King's funeral!?!?!" By the time I got home it was too late. The first sound my ear heard as I walked in the door was a slightly familiar voice. Bishop Eddie Long? That must mean Coretta Scott King's funeral is being held at New Birth. George W. Bush is going to attend the funeral for Coretta Scott King in Atlanta at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church. Wow, I think I “Blacked” out. It happens sometimes. I just go into a trance and start thinking about the way things would be if they were done the Black way. On this occasion, I visualized the doorways at New Birth, metal detectors installed. People sneaking in knives and lead pipes. As soon as G.W. walked into the belly of the church people came for him from all sides. They were just inspired by Bishop Eddie Long's "Coretta Scott King chose to kill it and I challenge you today to take up her legacy and kill it!" But, my “Black” out was interrupted by a twinkle of a different response. Not only did Bishop Long introduce, but went on to praise this man as, “Our commander in chief, the one that God has given the responsibility to lead us and to guide us as a nation, taking us into places and opening up opportunity for us" (I’m wondering who the hell is he talking about?), "So I want you to receive our President of the United States, the honorable George W. Bush"…

I guess people just don't see things the way I do. I saw this as a sign from Allah. Almost like he hand-delivered G. W. to the people. Here you go, show him justice. It really threw me for a loop when folks clapped for Clinton as though it were his inauguration. I thought I had had enough when they were announcing the list of attendees like it was an awards show. I know the lowest point was when G. W. insulted MLK's bestest (not misspelled) friend Ambassador Andrew Young for his rhythmic speech. After some time to mull it over, I noticed this event mirrors my own mother's funeral (as much as anyone's mother's funeral can mimic civil rights leaders). Her five children could not afford a proper burial; her former boss was always so pleased with her work that he offered to pay for the whole shebang. I looked at him seated in the pulpit trying my best to remember his name in case anyone asked. Baby Bush sat in the pulpit of Ms. Scott King’s funeral as though he was the surviving family. Boo hiss hiss boo. I must say though; it wasn’t a complete lost cause. Of course, your girl, Mayor Shirley Franklin, represented very well. Attaliah Shabazz moved us to tears, among others. So I can honestly say that Bush’s attendance and place as honorary "guest" was one of the only knuckles to the gut. The people are going to rise up one day. Insha-Allah, I will be here for it, or maybe not. Allah knows best.

Second article I wrote for an online magazine

2007-08-07T18:55:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wish I were born with a scientific mind. I would come up with this chemical that I could pour into the World’s water and sterilize EVERYONE; and the beautiful thing about it would be that it would take years for people to notice. Knowing human nature, people would try and come up with a cure when they finally did notice; but no one would be able to. How would you all know to trace it to the water? It may seem extreme, but it’s the only scenario that I can think of that would force people to realize what they are doing. My thinking is that people may actually start taking better care of themselves… if no one could have children! As in, all the children that are already on this Earth are the last children on Earth. People would be seriously seeking out immortality… and then we’d all see how very trife we had been living.

The truth is we do not have children for our legacy. Martin Luther King Jr. left his legacy in the people, yet and still his children are not carrying out his legacy. However, there are men and women that have no relation to the King Family who are carrying it out. So what exactly is the point? Isn’t it about leaving a greater mark on your community, ensuring that things will move forward by your example? Well, if you don’t think so, then you don’t need children. Only the strong survive; meaning that we can’t survive on weak standpoints. So if the prevailing standpoints are weak than I am okay with some groups of us ending. What makes those people any more or less special than a group like the Aztecs, who last time I checked, no longer existed.

We have children for vanity’s sake. I have always asked people why they want children. I want to know what it is that makes a person want to have and raise children. Every single person has either said “I want to see me in another person” or “ I want to see what my child will look like”. If I probe further past what they thought was a good enough of an answer, they’ll say “I don’t know”. Then they’ll say something about a seed and being fruitful… Is this rhetoric? What we know is that if we fail to plan, we plan to fail. We aren’t sitting down and thinking about what it is we want from these future generations. We don’t think about what steps it will take to raise our children to be the Denmark Vesey of this era. We certainly aren’t communicating with our children about the things we have gone through in our lives that can be corrected with their lives. Most children today are far less likely to produce a fair and just society then the generation before them. So what are they here for?

If Octavia Butler has taught us anything it’s that “whatever your mind can conceive and believe it will achieve. Dream great dreams, make them come true. Do it now!” (I’m not quoting her, she never said that. But it’s what I have learned from reading her books.) Let us be the change. Let it be you. The person that changes everything. Benjamin Banneker got into Astronomy at fifty-three. That inspires me. That means I still have incredible years left in me. Maybe I can be that scientist.

~Jolli Ali

P.S.A.
I once asked several couples that had been married sixty years or more, all in their early nineties, “Were there any infidelities along the way?” All of them said yes. One couple, the husband moved out for four years; even went as far to get his own apartment. She told him don’t come back until you’ve decided what you are going to do with your life. Four years later he moved back in. They were married seventy years and out of that seventy they weren’t together for four of them. I’m sure when it was happening they thought it was a very major thing. But talking to them, over fifty years later, they tell the story as a matter-of-fact. We have got to stay together, as families.

God's Gift...choice

2007-08-05T23:31:00.000-04:00

parents who wanted their children

wanted to have them

wanted to raise them

with clear intention as to what they wanted to do with them

i think

did their best

as parents

as people

their best, often, doesn't result in their child becoming the adult they envisioned

but they did their best.

don't carry around the guilt of a suckie son

if your son grows up to be the exact opposite kind of Father you planned for him to be...

that was his CHOICE

if your son is damn near thirty

has four children

by three different women

lives with one of these women

and is paying an embarrassingly low amount of child support...recently

doesn't talk to all of his children on a regular basis

doesn't involve himself in all of his children's lives...

that is his CHOICE.

even if you did raise him to be a louse...

it is still his CHOICE to develop that into a lifestyle

i believe in the blame game

but only when it serves a productive, positive purpose

if you look back and see where you went wrong,

and you change your parenting to better reflect your intentions

let that guilt go.

he has made his CHOICE

and

continues to make his CHOICE

if, however, you refuse to see your part in this mess

and think you son is golden

and has been give a hard hand in life

and you keep making excuses for his sorry self

that is your CHOICE

God gives us all the Gift of CHOICE

i make mine

you make yours

they make theirs

even as children

esp as children

we make the choices that shape who we will become

you cannot live other's lives for them

you can only be the Messenger

and if you find that you have failed as their Messenger

you have not failed them

but yourself

and the great thing about failing yourself

is that it is never too late to take personal inventory

checks and balances

and revamp your stategy

and come out swinging

if that is your ... CHOICE

grown adults

2007-08-05T22:02:00.000-04:00

i always think its funny

like ha ha funny

when one adult says to another...

in response to the other adult cursing or acting up...

"we're all grown ups, lets act like it."

i get it, i really do

decorum

etiquette

manners

responsibilities

but in the same sense

if anyone is going to be cursing

shouldn't it be the grown ups?

if anyone is going to express an opinion

shouldn't it be a grown up?

they should have enough life experience on their side to justify having an opinion worthy of sharing.

i think somewhere along the lines ghetto and childish became interchangeable.

so now if you have an image that comes off as ghetto, at some point, another adult will say to you "we're all grown ups, lets act like it."

as if because you choose to express yourself in a way that makes them able to seem more educated they can reduce you by suggesting you need to act like an adult.

acting is like trying

do or do not do...there is no try

you either are or you aren't

there is yesterday, today and tomorrow

past, present, future

we think there is a time that can hold the in between

but there isn't

people wanna pretend there is this place that try can exist

try is often used to the negative

i burned the rice. atleast i tried :(

you don't say

the rice came out perfect. i tried :)

trying is for those whom have failed but cannot admit it to themselves or others.

don't try.

do.

acting like an adult doesn't solve the problem

being a adult does.

children play pretend (acting)

so in saying "act like an adult"

you are saying the person is a child and they should pretend they are an adult

i know i am spending too much time on this but...

no one should be encourged to behave outside of themself

also

talking in a disrespectful manner is not un-adult like

you may not like it but

adults are jerks sometimes

no Black stamps :(

2007-08-05T21:54:00.000-04:00

when i go to buy stamps at my local Post Office i always ask for the Black stamps. i buy stamps because i respect sending and receiving mail. i buy Black stamps because, i am Black. i intend on stating that in a variety of ways with everything i do. i buy a book of stamps with the hope that we can keep the cost of stamps from increasing. but this time there were no Black stamps. but there were Marvel Comic Book Hero stamps :) how fun. to mail a letter to your Aunt with a Wonder Woman stamp. :) and to your homie thats locked up, an Iron Man stamp. oh the possibilities!

Hoping against hope

2007-08-03T12:39:00.000-04:00

well...:(

after watching the second season of Run's House

i'm sad

it's my fault

i tried to make them into what i wanted, not who they are

got a little disappointed in the spending and spoiling

and what in the world... Vanessa and Angela shared a room? thats crazy. Diggy and Russell have their own rooms and of course Jo-Jo. why would they be sharing a room?

i like Angela.

not feeling Vanessa too tough. seems like she isn't that grounded in basic reality. Angela seems to have a grip, for the most part.

Rev Run keeps surprising me in terms of his choices. :(

i can't take Justine seriously. she is almost like a third daughter. i need more background as to why she really needed her son to like ice cream.

i can only look forward to the third season to see if they took a look at the second season and saw that some changes needed to be made.

always something

2007-08-01T12:20:00.000-04:00

~i think the mixed folk are very much on the way too sensitive side.

~i'll say to you all the same i say to Black folk...

~stop giving a fuck about what other people are thinking, saying or doing.
it is very interesting how you all are taking being mixed as an offense.
you pissed off cuz you not in the Black box?

~thats crazy!!!

~being mixed is not an insult...its a fact.

~stop coming up with cry baby emotional reasons why you have the RIGHT to call yourself whatever you want. of course you can call yourself Black, if you want to. but the rest of us will not be joining you in that foolishness. guess what we will be calling you...mixed.
and what the hell is wrong with calling you mixed, or biracial, or whatever???

~what the hell is wrong with you people?!?! its been like 30 years since America has had to really identify and adjust to the whole mixed children thing. i cannot believe ya'll are still dealing with identy problems. your ass should be glad your only problem is fitting it. it could have been, knowing how very racist this country is, on both sides, folks didn't just up and start murking mixed children like it was legal and expected. this is exactly why folks need to stop acting like love will make everything okay. dumb asses.

~most of us have enough shit to deal with on a regular everyday basis for this insanity to come into play. mixed folk...take pride in your parents and their parents and those before them. thats what made you who you are. and they decided to have you. your folks. thank them kindly and honor them. stop living in a dream. you are not one or the other. you are both, or all of it together. damn.

~look to Tiger Woods on this matter

Not making this a habit, but

2007-07-30T23:18:00.000-04:00

...i know i am very late with this. i will be with most things entertainment. i used to love watching television. in the Cosby era. After i became victim to television's lure and sank into depression, i needed to wash away its stain and get unglued. Now i get my television joy by watching series on DVD. i love technology for the people. Watching an entire season of Rescue Me in two days is nothing but joy.

...another series i am watching on DVD is Run's House. i enjoy watching him parent his children. its interesting how Run is the Father of the household. it seems like Justine is more his wife than an authoritative Mother. i don't want to slight her in any way. she just doesn't seem to be as much as a force as Run. While watching the first season i wondered so many things about his family structure.

has Vanessa, Angela and Jo-Jo always lived with him?
did he used to live with their Mothers like one big happy family?
they all have different Mothers right? (after watching some of the second season i know now they have the same Mother and it seems like they used to be married.)
what kind of Father was he before he became Rev Run?
it seems like the other people in the house work more than he does. not a slight to him but is he working now? (after watching some of the second season i can see that this statement is not true. he doesn't want to work like he has in the past.)
how far apart are Diggy and Russell?
why did he name his son after his brother? not his Father, his brother.
how scripted is the show? i like the show, very much, but it seems, at times, just concocted
and why if Angela is older do they always credit it Vanessa, Jo-Jo, then Angela?

...now i have to admit that i have only seen the first season on DVD just recently. i shall certainly be watching the second season shortly. i find myself feeling almost the same way i felt watching the Cosby Show. i can leave my guard down and watch the show not worring if i will be offended. i am very interestingly offended.

rude children
disrespect towards the male in the household
abuse of money or position
disregard for morals or values
too much focus on white people's lives and priority

these are somethings the Cosby Show got right. and i love them all for it. its a new love, i hope a long lasting love, but Run's House is where its at.

Class of 3000

2007-07-30T15:55:00.000-04:00

i like OutKast

more importantly, I like Andre 3000.

i like Big Boi, for the most part.

i enjoy him for the things he achieves personally more than I respect the things he says on his albums most recently.

can't really call the whole Purple Ribbon business

sounds like he talks more about drugs, money, possessions, than the more productive topics of Outkast's past.

but, like i said, for the most part, i like Big Boi.

but i really respect Andre.

he has this show on cartoon network where he is the main character Sonny

Sonny used to be a celebrity until he decided to become a music teacher at a private school in Atlanta.

i like the show so very much for several reasons

he put out a fantastic CD that is truly geared for children. it is by no means lame or corny. and it also has excellent subject matter for them to hear and understand. there is one song about not selling your soul for a record deal. there is also a song dealing with music not needing vocals i.e. jazz/blues
as an authority on the show, Sonny allows the children to be who they are while teaching them how to be their best. he is not the kind that is like "do it this way because I know what is best for you." he is more like "I know from experience which way is the best way, but lets let you figure it out for yourself"
i like the small points he makes. like how the rich white dude is in love with the rough tough Black girl, who pays him not attention. i think with that he is making the statement that rich, white folks will always admire Black folks because of who we are. But we don't necessarily need to get involved with them. let them admire us from afar.
i love his focus on music. commendable

i do hope it will get more play on the network. right now the episodes are not always played when scheduled. that could be for a number of different reasons.

once again, thank you Andre 3000, for sharing your talent. A talent that we can be proud of and use as inspiration in our own endevours.